What I Want
by Xaphrin
Summary: Out of necessity Raven and Red X form a criminal partnership, but a run-in with Robin and the Titans makes Raven question her powers and what they should be used for. Will she stay on the wrong side of the law? Or will she find a place on the team?
1. Prologue

**What I Want**

****_Out of necessity, Raven and Red X formed a partnership, but a chance meeting with Robin and the Teen Titans threatens their business understanding. Raven begins questioning her powers and what they should be used for. Will she stay on the wrong side of the law, or will she do good and join the team?_

)O(

Prologue

Raven felt stupid for doing this. Actually, she felt worse than stupid, she felt downright guilty. Her mentor had always told her that her powers were special, and should be treated as such. What her father was and what she was supposed to be come, those things should not affect her soul. She was raised to be good, to be honest, and to protect others. But standing huddled under a shop overhang, cold, early spring rain pouring down around her feet, her stomach eating its self alive, she didn't have a choice. Necessity breeds desperation.

And so she answered the advertisement.

There was a shift of air next to her, the faint scent of black licorice, and the nearly silent scrape of metal on brick. It would have been unnoticeable to someone without her talents. She turned and stared into the dark alleyway, picking out the dark shadows. "I don't suppose you're Red X?"

There was a slight shuffling, and a mask appeared with a caricature of a skull. "Perceptive." His voice was tinny and distorted, but it didn't seem to hide his ego. Raven felt his emotions carefully as he paced around her, humming and hawing as he moved. "I have to say that I'm rather impressed. You're the first girl who managed to see the code in the ad."

"First girl? Or first person?" Raven peaked an eyebrow and shoved her hands into the pockets on her hooded sweatshirt. Her fingers poked through a few holes worn threadbare. Hopefully he didn't notice her desperation.

He pondered his statement before responding. "First suitable candidate. There've been a few code-breakers to show up, but they aren't much for physical activity. Although, I suppose sitting behind a government desk can do that to you…"

Didn't this guy _shut up_? Did she have the job or not? She felt her irritation spike, and something in the distance took the full brunt of her powers. Calm. She needed to calm down, or something worse was going to happen. She took a deep breath and returned her stare to Red X, who was still prattling on like she was listening.

"… but that's not important." No? Really? Raven bit back a snide comment. He eyed her again before leaning against the wall next to him. "You appear to be in fairly good physical condition, and you're smart enough to crack the code…" He leaned close to her, his mask hovering above her face. "So, what's the catch? Are you FBI? CIA? Or worse, hired help?"

Raven snorted indelicately and shoved her hand into his mask, pushing him away from her. "You're the one with a coded advertisement promising riches and infamy galore, and you want to know what my catch is?" She shook her head and sighed. "I'm parentless, friendless, homeless, penniless, and starving. At this point, I might assassinate a foreign dignitary for a meal. I'm not here to uproot you or your… _job_… I'm only here so I can live."

"Sad sob story. Good cover." He leaned back on his heels and hummed again, still watching her. Goddess, he was such an _asshole_. He waved his hand as if unimpressed by her story. "And I don't do the mercenary thing. Too messy and too much red tape."

"How very noble of you." Raven sighed and pushed her hood down, exposing her pale, gaunt face. She felt the air around them change with his emotions. It turned thick and sticky, but she couldn't back down now. She had to be close to a deal with him, and that meant food and shelter. "Look, do you want me or not? If you don't need me, then I need to find another form of employment and you're wasting my time."

"How about a test?"

Raven's eyes closed. This was getting _bad_. How could she have let him talk her into this? She was thieving as a _test_? Just to prove she could do it? The thought made her empty stomach churn, but what choice did she have? She wouldn't last much longer without some kind of livelihood. "What _kind_ of test?"

"See that very _pretty_ necklace in the window across the street?"

A pawnshop had a chintzy looking, tacky gold plated chain with an obscene dollar sign hanging from it. Was she going to have to steal _that_? Of all the things he could have made her steal, _that _was one of them? She turned back to him and nodded. "Yeah? And?"

"Grab it without setting the alarm off, and I'll buy lunch and we can talk business."

The mention of food made Raven groan. "You're exploiting me and my need to eat."

He cocked his head to the side, and Raven felt him smile under the mask. "You're hiding something. Call it fair game."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "_Fine_."

But her powers were supposed to be used for good… weren't they?

Necessity breeds desperation, and sometimes confusion was a close brother.

)O(

_So, I've decided to rewrite the premise of this. I found myself trying to weave back story into this, and was a little confused as to how Red X and Raven got together. The storyline is staying the same, but things will be a little different. I'm hoping it'll come out a whole lot better. Thanks again! Let me know how you feel about this. _


	2. Chapter One

_I shifted some key plot elements around, so I recommend reading the prologue before reading this chapter. It is mostly the same as the original chapter one, but not quite. Thanks! And let me know what you think of this… updated version._

**What I Want  
**Chapter One

)O(

Raven shook her head and blinked the memories from her eyes.

"Focus, Raven."

She turned and looked over her shoulder at her partner, feeling the strongest desire to trip him down the stairs. How had she managed to stay with him for all this time? It was supposed to have been just a few missions. One here, one there, and that was it. There were some jobs that required two people, and he called on her for her help and her powers. But two missions turned into four, four turned into twelve, nights turned to days, days to weeks, and before Raven knew it, she was his partner. Four months after that, she was his roommate.

And he was a constant annoyance to her very existence.

"You can't pick a lock like that."

Raven rolled her eyes and looked over at her partner. His mask stared back at her blankly, but she could feel his emotions roiling under the surface. _Ugh. _He was always so damn cocky when she was with him. She may have been good at this _job_, but she was not invincible, and he needed to learn that. "Why not?"

"Because your powers take all the fun out of using the bobby-pin method."

"Please, _shut up._" Raven stopped moving her hands across the steel. "A bobby-pin is not going to work on a ten-inch thick steel, vault door."

He leaned against the wall next to her, cool and calm. Like the _idiot _he was. "Have you tried?"

"Stop being stupid and keep a look out, I can't do everything myself." Raven slid her hands down the highly polished surface, feeling the metal for the mechanics beneath. Closing her eyes she sent her aura into the pins and cogs of the vault door, minutes passed and silence filled the small room. Finally, there was a small, unimpressive click and the door popped open a few inches. Raven pulled the door open and stared inside. A small red light blinked above her head, _great, _a silent alarm. "Pressure sensitive floor and a laser grid…" She heaved a melodramatic sigh and held out her hand, palm open. "Tag team?"

Red X slapped her hand and stepped forward, popping open an access panel next to the floor. He turned and looked at Raven, shaking his head. "You're so intent on using your powers that you never want to learn how to properly disarm a security system without setting it off. Tsk tsk."

Raven crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. She really _was _going to kill him one of these days. "Just shut up and get to work."

Red X gave a low whistle. "Nice system. This is gonna take a little extra effort to disarm."

"We don't have time for extra effort, the silent alarm was tripped thirty seconds ago." Raven looked over her shoulder and growled. "Either you shut down the security system and cancel the alarm, or we break our streak and have to go out with guns blazing."

Red X turned and looked at her, and she felt his scowl move across his lips. "I have yet to break our streak. Don't start pointing fingers now."

"Well, then shut up and get to work."

Red X grumbled under his breath, and continued to fiddle with the wires. Raven stood behind him, tapping her foot impatiently and staring at the second hand of the utilitarian clock on the wall. One minute. Damnit, the police were undoubtedly at the literal and proverbial door step waiting for them. She was going to throttle him as soon as she had the chance. Red X turned and stared at her. "Are you trying to make me lose focus?"

"Are you _trying_ to take forever?"

The hum of electronics suddenly stopped as everything turned off. Red X stood up and stared at her, crossing his arms over his chest. "You owe me an apology."

Raven snorted. "I owe you a kick to the chest. Come _on_. We don't have time for this, let's just grab the chip and go." She pushed past him and moved to run her hands down the wall of safety boxes, trying to locate the correct one. If they opened the wrong box, the security system would restart and they would be trapped inside the vault. Not to mention prison for the next several years. Another silent moment passed… there. Box 226. Raven used her powers to pop the door open and stared at the rather unexciting black box inside. It was no bigger than a ring box, black plastic and highly polished.

"To the victor goes the spoils." Red X reached inside and pulled the box from inside, turning it in his hands. Raven felt his excitement pepper the air and she groaned. He got even _more _egotistical when he was excited. There were times it worked for him, and times it didn't. Why did she get the feeling that this was one of _those_ times that it didn't?

"Let's go get that reward."

"You mean _rent_?" Raven snatched the chip from him and glared. "Because you spent our last reward on two loose girls and a night at _several_ expensive bars."

Red X shrugged, uninterested in her nagging. "Dom is expensive."

"You blew through nearly ten grand! Gambling, cheap women, and expensive wine is not a way to enjoy all the hard work we put into this." Raven stepped back and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a deep breath. She didn't have the time or energy to be upset with him right now. She could always kill him later. "Just… shut up and let's go. We don't have time for arguing."

"It's called nagging if it's coming from the woman."

Goddess… she _really _hated him sometimes. "I'm not even going to honor that comment with a response."

"Freeze!"

Red X and Raven stopped in the hallway outside the vault.

Raven felt her stomach drop to the floor at the sound of bodies behind them. In all the time that she and Red X had been together, they had never once been caught. They had come close, had a few grainy photos of them posted on wanted sites, but they _never_ had anyone come within a few yards of their physical bodies before. This was a first, and the experience was somewhat humbling, but not earth shattering. Nor did it stop their plan, just… alter it a little.

"Split." Red X whispered under his breath, his whisper sounding somewhat whiny with the voice distorter. "Take the decoy and I'll see you back at the safe house in forty eight." Red X discreetly took the microchip out of the box and placed it in his belt.

"Fine." Raven then made an elaborate show of taking the empty black box and putting it up her sleeve. She raised her hands and turned around to face her capturers. They were _royally _screwed, because staring back at them were the Teen Titans. Raven bit back a curse and stared at the ceiling. She knew it. She had been playing Russian Roulette with their luck, and she knew that one day they were going to catch her and Red X. Did it have to be today? Couldn't it have been some other day when rent _wasn't _on the line? How in the nine levels of hell, were they going to get out of this?

"Aren't you out past curfew?" Red X snorted and dropped his hands. "I mean, shouldn't your mommies have tucked you into bed already?"

Raven closed her eyes and tried to pretend that he didn't just say that. He was so _stupid_ and so _cocky_, that he was going to get them killed. Did he _have _to goad them like that? They were trained superheroes, it wasn't necessarily a good idea to piss them off. Raven let her hands drop, making sure the box fell from her sleeve and into her palm. She felt Robin's eyes follow the box and there was something about his stare that made her feel… _uncomfortable_.

"We're here to stop you… whoever you are." The small green was just about as eloquent as a _Mad Magazine_ article. Raven fought the urge to roll her eyes, of all the things to say…

"We're just leaving, but I appreciate the effort in capturing us." Red X turned around and gave a dramatic bow. Robin still hadn't moved his stare from Raven's face, and she had half a mind to kick him in the chest for it. Red X nudged her, and she was jolted away from Robin's stare, nodding. Red X took a small step back, redistributing the weight on his feet, readying for escape. "It's been lovely and all, but I hope we never cross paths again!" A flash of smoke bomb, and he was gone leaving the heroes in front of Raven disoriented and confused.

She pushed through them, heading in the opposite direction as her companion. Splitting up, meant that the group would split, and two heroes were easier to handle than four. Raven flew up the metal staircase, the edges of her aura brushing against the walls, listening for her tagalongs. One pair of light, well trained feet… and the hard, steady flap of a falcon's wings.

Beast Boy and Robin. She could handle those two… right? Doubt flooded her chest and Raven felt herself slow down. How much could she really fight?

Raven burst onto the roof, waiting for them to follow. Robin was the first to appear, standing in front of her, frowning. She fought that odd, creepy feeling he gave her. He was just a guy, he couldn't destroy her with a look. As much as he tried. "Quick, I see."

"Clearly not as quick as you." Robin took a step forward, testing the space between them. His movements were slow and patient, as if he had all the time in the world to capture her. His eyes moved to her hands, watching as Raven gathered energy at her fingertips. He was observant too, this could be _very _dangerous. Raven swallowed her feet and tilted her chin defiantly towards him.

"Where's Beast Boy?" Raven stepped back slowly, trying to keep the precious space between them. This was _bad. _She watched as Robin paused, his gaze shooting down her body in movement that was almost too quick to recognize. Raven felt her face grow warm and anger tighten her throat; he was _checking her out_.

"I sent him after the chip."

What? Did he know about the switch? Her chest tightened and she held up the box. "_I_ have the chip. In case you forgot." He gave her a small, cocky smile and Raven wanted to yell, feeling desperation sink into her bones. He _knew_.

"_You_ have an empty box. I'm not an idiot and clearly neither are you. Although it did take a few minutes of chasing you to realize that your elaborate display of the box was not taunting me, but actually trying to entice me." Robin clapped lightly, the noise echoing in the still of the night. "It was a very pretty show, but not much else."

Raven felt her heart jump into her throat. He _knew_, that must have meant the others knew. Red X was in danger and being followed by three overzealous Titans. Panic made her limbs start to shake, and somewhere in the distance she heard something shatter. Would Red X be all right? Would he have gotten captured? Raven cringed under the idea. It was risky to even _think _about going after him, but the alternative was far worse. She couldn't let him get captured. Without him… she would have to return to her life on the streets. Raven clenched and unclenched her fists. "So, what do you want?"

"You in shackles." Robin leaned back on his heels and crossed his arms over his chest. He was starting to look as if he were relaxing or letting his guard down, but Raven knew better. He was simply resting before another chase or another fight. He had her cornered.

"How archaic." Raven took a step toward the edge of the building, watching as he closed the space between them. "I didn't know anyone used that word anymore."

"Why bother running? I'm just going to keep finding you."

"I believe this is the first time we've met. Why harbor such a powerful feeling against me?" Raven felt her heels touch the edge of the rooftop, and she cursed the world. She _really_ did not want to fly, because she attracted too much attention, and Red X would have her hide. His philosophy in life was to keep the lowest profile ever, and flying would destroy everything they tried to keep hidden. Raven's looks were hard enough to keep hidden, and bringing attention to herself like this would make things even worse. So, Raven stood here, chewing on her lips, staring back at Robin, and weighing the options. Fight or flight?

"Because you're a thief, and as a Titan my job is to bring you in and bring you to justice." He brandished a pair of handcuffs at her, and Raven had a million dark images run through her mind at once. Her stomach churned and its contents threatened to appear. Like Hell. "Now, hold out your hands."

"Try me." Raven turned and was poised to jump, listening to his hurried footsteps follow her…

And then…

A building exploded. _Exploded_. Like something out of a bad action movie, flames and smoke and the ear-shattering sound of a million bass drums pounding all at once. Raven was thrown onto her back from the force, her head throbbing in pain. She cursed and crawled to her feet staring at the building just a few hundred feet away. Fire licked the edges of windows burning white hot and dangerous. The sound of screaming could be heard, peeling from inside the building.

"That's an apartment building. There are people inside there!" Something familiar inside of Raven twisted and a cold, stark, unnamed feeling ripped through her bones like lead bullets. Screams continued to pour from inside, people fighting to get out. She had to do something, _anything_. To hell with Robin, he didn't matter anymore. There were people in danger, and she had the ability to help them.

"What are you…"

Raven didn't let him finish. She jumped and let her powers take over her body, flying as fast as she could down the block, and counting the few seconds it took. Throwing up a barrier, she jumped into the flames, screaming for anyone to call back at her. The heavy, thick whir of fire was her only response. Beams crackled and popped, sparks flew, and smoke blurred her vision and stung her eyes. She would be fine, but whoever lived here would not.

Raven called again, throwing open a door to her left. It was a nursery, and she could hear crying. Her limbs shaking with exhaustion and fear, Raven ran to the crib, and picked up the child. It fought her arms, cried, coughed, and Raven cringed with remorse. She pulled it under the safety of her cloak and looked around trying to find its mother. Panic was setting in, there must have been nearly a hundred tenants in this building, and they all needed to be brought to safety.

Raven called again, screaming as loud as she could and this time a loud, moaning cough was her response. The mother was in the hallway, leaning against a wall with a wet cloth over her mouth trying to get to the nursery. Raven pulled the woman into her barrier and flew toward a window. They burst free and Raven set the mother down on the pavement, next to the EMT. She gently placed the baby in the mother's arms. A uniformed man holding an IV stared at her, eyes wide. Raven snarled. "Your job is to keep them from dying, idiot! The baby needs medical attention!"

Without waiting for a response, she turned and hurried back into the building. She could hear the firefighters on the lower floors, but there must be at least two floors, at the very top, that they would not be able to reach. Raven pushed her way to the top, barely able to see through the thick, black smoke. "Hello! Hello! I'm here to help you! Is there anyone here?"

A hand clamped on her arm and Raven jumped, spinning to her left. She stared at the green, gloved fingers holding her wrist, watching as the rest of the colorful uniform appeared. Damnit, he must have followed her. Robin was shaking his head and holding a gasmask for her, one identical to the one he was wearing. She pushed his arm away from her, but he just growled. "What are you doing? You're going to kill yourself!"

"I'm fine! I heal quickly!" Raven threw up another barrier around both of them, keeping the smoke away. "There are people still on this floor and the one above, we have to get to them before the building comes down." Robin nodded, still handing her a gasmask. Raven pushed it away again. "I'm fine, _really_. I'll take the floor above, you grab anyone on this floor, okay?"

Raven dropped her barrier and pushed her way to the top floor. There were two penthouse suites; the one on the left was empty. There had been a small party in the one on the right. People were huddled together next to the window, trying to grab as much clean air as possible. One of them saw her and waved, calling out. Raven wrapped each of them in a barrier and sent them down to the sidewalk, a safe distance from the flames. Wrapping her barrier around her one last time she sent herself through each of the floors, looking for any more signs of life. There were none. Raven could only pray that everyone was safe.

She exited the building, listening to the chatter and noise from the people on the sidewalk. Behind her the fire burned with enough intensity to melt plastic and warp glass, and the sound made her eardrums ring. Raven sighed and fell to the sidewalk, heaving out thick, soupy coughs as she tried to regain her energy. A delicate hand touched her shoulder and she looked up into the ash-smudged face of the woman she saved.

"Thank you."

Raven heard the roar of applause as she stood up, people pressed close, placed their hands on her, shouted thank you. She tried to brush them off, but they kept smiling and cheering. Raven felt her head get light and the world started to spin. Her knees seemed to forget how to hold her weight, and then she was staring up into one red glowing eye and one deep brown one. The stare was a mixture between relief and anger.

"That was stupid."

Raven felt her eyes close and she coughed again. "I know." And then there was silence.

)O(

Raven cringed as light hit her eyes.

"You're awake."

"Unfortunately." Raven sat up, holding her head. The half-robot man was standing next to her, staring. His red eye seemed to burn into her and Raven returned the gesture as tense silence filled the room. Minutes passed, and she felt as if she were being sized up or dissected with his eyes. It was starting to get on her nerves. "_What_? Look, if you're going to take me in, that's _fine_, but could you stop looking at me like that?"

There was another, long pause and Raven shivered under the weight. Why did she let this happen? She should have just turned around and ran away, but she _had _to save people. She _had_ to prove… _what_ exactly? That she wasn't just a thief? That there was still some good in her? Ugh. Red X was going to have her hide.

"What's your game?"

Raven started and turned to look at him. "My _game_?"

He snorted and shook his head. "Yeah, your _game. _You go off stealing millions of dollars of intelligence, managed to trip our tail off you and your _friend_, and you nearly get away with it… but then you go and save people from a burning building, and suddenly you're a hero. You can't play both sides, girl. That's not how _my_ game works, so I need to know… what's _your_ game?" His stare was frightening, and Raven scooted a few extra inches away.

"I don't have a game. There were people in danger and they needed help. So what? That doesn't make me special. And don't you dare call that… _annoyance _my friend. We're partners, that's different." Raven ripped the IV tubes out of her arm and stood up, trying to keep from feeling woozy. How long had she been here, and furthermore, where exactly was _here_? The half-robot man stood up as if to block her path and Raven rolled her eyes, but her heart still pounded. She couldn't fight like this, and she didn't think she could win against him. "Do you actually think you can keep me here?"

"I've been asked to try."

"By _who_?"

"Me."

Her stomach dropped and Raven turned to face the masked eyes of Robin. He stood in the doorway, watching her movements carefully. "Oh for the… are you serious?"

"Very." He turned to his friend and gave a short, curt nod. "Shift's over, Cy. Go hang out with the others."

"Sure, man." Cyborg stood up and walked out the door, never giving Raven a second glance.

"What, am I a prisoner?"

"A patient." Robin glanced at the monitors next to the bed, face blank.

Raven stared at him, feeling her lungs grow heavy. What happened last night? Everything felt like a blur of flames and smoke and faces. Had she really flown into a building to save all those people? Red X was going to be so pissed once he found out what happened. Damnit. He'd cut her pay again. He did that the time those grainy photos were taken, and rent hadn't gotten paid. Imagine that.

Robin turned and watched her, still frowning. "Cyborg made sure he fixed you up nice and clean after your stupid mistake last night."

"Stupid mistake?" Raven's fingers gripped the edge of the bed and glared at him. "I saved a woman and her baby, and everyone on the tenth floor."

"And nearly killed yourself in the process."

"So?"

Robin opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, and so he snapped it shut. They glared at each other for a while, saying nothing. "Look if you want to play hero, that's fine. But you don't get to play both sides of the law, that's not how things work."

"Clearly." Raven rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. Her knees started to knock together and she prayed he couldn't hear them. She needed to be strong, or at least pretend to be. "Your metal friend made that point as well, _I get it_." Raven sighed and shook her head, moving toward the window. She could see dawn just barely breaking over the bay. "Look, it was an abnormal decision, I know that. Don't worry, it won't happen again."

"Pity."

Raven looked up to see his lips turn down in a frown. "What?"

"You have the power, and the heart, and the drive to be an amazing Titan. What you did in that apartment building… you can't _teach _that. You can't teach justice, and you certainly can't teach someone to be good." Robin's expression remained unchanged and he took a few, slow steps toward her. "You're not cut from the cloth of a thief. I know what that's like, and I know what Red X is like… you're different."

Raven felt something akin to panic rise into her chest. Be good? Wasn't she told that's what she was? Good? Her eyes closed and she took another step back. Being good didn't pay the bills, it didn't feed her, it didn't clothe her… but did it do something more? Did it give her some feeling of fulfillment? And was that more important than necessities like food and shelter?

"Don't talk about me as if you understand." Raven opened her eyes and stared at him, in the stillness of the room she could feel his surprise ripple the air around her. Good, keep him off guard. "You don't know what my life was like and why I am what I am. Don't pretend to know what I had to go through to get what I have. I didn't want to make this decision to be a thief, but I am not going back to being a good person with no shelter and no food. I refuse."

Robin's eyebrows knitted together and she felt him watch her. "You…"

"Don't talk to me about being good!" She stepped forward and shoved at his shoulders, feeling her anger start to take over her limbs. Adrenaline fueled her actions, but she couldn't stop it, and she didn't really want to. She shoved at his shoulders again and he fell back against the hospital bed, still staring at her, dissecting her with his eyes. _That look_. Goddess! It was worse than when Red X tried to understand her. "Just leave me alone!"

"No." Robin's hand reached out and tugged at her uniform, yanking her down onto the bed. He used her momentum against her and rolled around so that he straddled her hips and pinned her to the bed. Raven felt her stomach turn to lead under the mixture of their emotions, and some monitor sparked and fizzled behind them with the press of her powers. Breath caught in her chest and Raven writhed beneath him, trying to create space. What was this heat?

"What you did last night _was _good. You aren't a thief!"

Raven fought against the hands pinning her to the bed, but he held her down better than any shackles. Dangerous. This was too dangerous. There was another electrical spark next to the bed and Raven could hear the walls groan and buckle. Great. She was going to kill them both because he didn't understand her or her powers. "You don't even know me!"

"I want to."

"Leave me alone!"

"You're a good person."

"I'm a demon!" Raven let her eyes grow red and he jumped away from her out of surprise. There was a long, heavy pause and she looked away. In the silence she could hear his rapid heartbeat, feel his confusion, and almost taste his reservation. "I'm not good, and I don't belong with the Titans." She closed her eyes and took a long, slow breath. "I'm leaving now."

Robin didn't try to stop her as she made her way to the window. He stood up slowly and approached her as if he was trying to corner a wild, feral animal. "Where will you go?"

"Back to my real life. The one where I have food and shelter." Raven slid open the glass and swung one leg outside. "Sorry we can't work this out like normal people. But, then again, I guess normalcy isn't an option for either of us."

"I won't give up on you." Robin inched closer to her, and Raven felt the same overwhelming feeling of panic she had last night. Her heart started to pound against her ribs. What had she done? He cocked his head to the side and stared at her. "You know that, don't you?"

"Please. Leave me alone." Raven's fingers gripped the window frame as she shifted her weight. "Let me go back to living."

"You're a wanted criminal." He gained a few more inches, and pressed so close to her face that she could smell his scent of cinnamon and anise. Her eyes darted down to his lips. He must have caught the movement because smiled, and in the stark lights of the recovery room, his smile looked somewhere between maniacal and predatory. "Unfortunately, I can't leave you alone."

Raven cursed and pushed herself out of the window.

What had she done?

)O(

_So… let me know what you think of this. I know it's mostly the same, but slightly different. Thanks again for reading!_


	3. Chapter Two

**What I Want  
**Chapter Two

)O(

"Where were you?"

Raven jerked slightly and looked over at Red X as she entered their apartment. He stood in the kitchen, staring at her and frowning. She tried to say something, but her words came out as a jumbled set of mumbled words and phrases. How could she tell him that she'd saved a bunch of people from a burning building, had her wounds treated by their enemy, and then ran away, inadvertently bringing the attention of Robin to both of them?

"I heard about what you did last night." Damnit. He knew. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter, staring at her. "You _saved _people from a burning building? And you did it with the _Titans_? What were you thinking, Raven? That was so _stupid_. Do you know what this means for us?"

She looked up at him and shook her head, growling low in her throat. He could at least show some sympathy for the people who were in danger. "They would have _died_."

"Circle of life, Raven." He waved her off and pressed a hand to his forehead, groaning. "Now people have seen some dark, hooded figure with the Titans, and everyone is going to think that you're _good_, or worse, that you're a _Titan._ Do you realize what you've done?" He sighed and turned away from her, going for his coffee cup. "Your little act of heroism is going to compromise our business."

"I'm not sorry about it." Raven shook her head and pushed hair out of her eyes. She felt sick and dirty, covered in smoke and grime from last night. She needed a shower, lunch, and a nap, pronto. "I have these powers for a reason, and I'm not going to let someone die because I'm protecting your image."

His eyes narrowed and he slammed his coffee cup down. "Look, Raven. You have this job, this life, this money, and this food because of _me._ You didn't have to take the job, but you did. And all I asked was that you do what I told you to do, and you keep a low profile. Now, there are blurry pictures of you bursting through a burning building posted on the news, in newspapers, and on the internet… exactly what part of that is considered low profile?"

Raven didn't have an answer to that, and she looked away frowning. Red X groaned again and turned back toward her, tossing a department store bag. "Go wash and rest up. We have a date tonight."

"With who…" Raven pulled out a designer back dress that looked more like lingerie than clothing, and a pair of Christian Louboutins. Shit. "I'm not meeting the client am I?" Raven was used solely as back-up when meeting a client, but once in a while Red X thought he could get a better reward if he flashed around some of her cleavage.

"He likes pretty women." He took a sip of coffee and gave her a sidelong glance.

Raven frowned and she glared at him. "That almost sounded like a compliment."

"It almost was." He smirked at her and took a sip of his coffee. "Now, go rest while I do damage control with our current clients. I've already had three calls asking us if we've switched sides."

"Whatever." Raven rolled her eyes and started for her room, grabbing his coffee from his hands. "Thanks."

"That wasn't for you, you know."

"I know. But I need it more than you do." She disappeared into her room, throwing the bag on the floor as she entered. Raven fell into her reading chair and stared out her window. Across the bay stood Titan Tower, looking like a sentinel watching over the city. Not for the first time that day did Raven wonder exactly what she had gotten herself into.

She'd exposed herself to the media, to the Titans, and to the world, and now she was putting her only "friend" at risk. And all because she felt like she had to save some woman and a child from a burning building. Was Red X really right? Was it all just "circle of life" bullshit, and she should have let them perish? But what would her mentor have said if Raven simply ignored a chance to use her powers for good? That was the real question.

Raven took a sip of the coffee and sighed, letting her head fall back against the cushions on the chair. Robin had offered her escape from this life. He gave her a chance to leave the stealing and scheming behind her and do good things with her powers. But she panicked, and remembered what her life was like when she tried to be good. She went hungry, she was homeless, and she had no friends who trusted her. She _couldn't _go back to that. Not ever.

This may not have been the ideal arrangement, but it was good enough. She had a friend, she had a home, she had food, and she made decent money. And, sometimes her jobs weren't _all _bad. Last month Red X and her and retrieved a rich family's daughter from a group of kidnappers. It was somewhat satisfying to see the look of love and appreciation when they returned the child. But was it satisfying enough to give up her life here and go into the unknown again?

Raven had no answer for that.

)O(

"You should get some rest, dude."

Robin started so hard he nearly knocked his coffee mug off the desk. How long had he been shifting through the reports? He ran a hand over his face and groaned. His muscles felt like bricks tied to his shoulders, weighing him down. He turned and looked at Cyborg, who was sitting down in a chair behind him, frowning. He must have seen the strain in Robin's eyes because he muttered something crude under his breath before speaking again. "You've been looking at those reports and files for almost ten hours straight, what are you hoping to find?"

Robin sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring into the monitor. The words and sentences seemed to blur together until they made painful patterns across the screen. "I don't know. Something… _anything_… Red X has always been a solo act since he stole that damned suit from me, but in the past few months I've heard rumors that he had a partner. And, last night was the first time I saw her… but she wasn't…" Robin trailed off, sighing and his head fell back against his shoulders.

"She wasn't like him." Cyborg was frowning, staring at the screen blankly, as if he were lost in thought. "I know what you're getting at. I got the same vibe. That she wasn't necessarily _bad_, just… confused. But, we can't ignore the fact that she helped Red X break into a high security vault, stole precious intelligence, and _banked_ off doing something illegal."

"I'm not saying we should ignore it, but…" Robin closed his eyes and sighed, feeling exhaustion ripple through his muscles. When was the last time he actually slept? It felt like days ago. "But, I also can't ignore what she did last night during the fire. She put herself in front of serious danger to help people in need. She saved an entire floor of people, a mother, and a child… what am I supposed to think?"

"Robin, I know you like to see good in people, but one good deed doesn't make her Titan material. It makes her unstable and untrustworthy."

"She said she couldn't be good. That she had no friends, no home, and no food… that being good didn't pay." Robin picked at a tear in the leather in his chair and thought. "Do you think we live in poverty?"

Cyborg rolled his eyes and stood up. "You _seriously _need rest. You get all philosophical if you've been awake too long." He handed Robin a manila envelope. "Anyway, I came to tell you that I hacked into the database you wanted me to. Here's Slade Wilson's schedule for the rest of the week. It looks like he has a meeting tonight as some swank club downtown."

Robin pulled the documents from inside the envelope and looked over them. "Do we know with whom?"

"Intentionally left out." Cyborg frowned. "I'm going to guess that he's meeting someone who's wanted by the law for something very illegal."

"I have no doubts about that. That's kind of his thing." Robin stood up from his chair and turned off the computer. He was going to need rest if he was going to tail Slade Wilson tonight. "I'll follow him to the club tonight, and see if I can get any hits as to what he's up to."

Cyborg frowned. "Alone?"

"Yeah." Robin intentionally ignored his angry tone. This was something he had to do alone. "You guys hang back, but stay on alert in case I need you for backup."

"You're starting to go into that dark place again, Robin."

"I'm fine." He brushed off Cyborg's concern and started for the door. "I know what I'm doing."

"You knew what you were doing before…" Cyborg shook his head and followed his friend out the door. "That's all I'm going to say."

)O(

"I look like a cheap hooker."

"Awe, come on. At the very least you look like an expensive escort, stop putting yourself down." Well, _that _didn't make her feel any better. Red X fidgeted with his phone, occasionally getting up from their sheltered alcove and glancing down into the dance floor on the level below them. Raven wasn't exactly sure if he was looking for their client or checking out the scantily clad club goers. It was nearing eleven, and the club was in full swing. Blue and purple lights flashed along with the music, casting eerie, sexual shadows along the wall, and the music pounded through the walls, rattling Raven's insides, making her scream to be heard across the table.

Raven groaned low in her throat and rubbed her temples, trying to ward off a massive headache. Crowded places were rough on her powers, places like this, where emotions and temptations ran rampant, ripped through her body and her powers. The thrum of emotions pressed against her senses and if she wasn't careful, her powers could go haywire and potentially kill everyone in here. Why did Red X bring her along, and where in hell was their client?

"He's late."

Red X rolled his eyes. "The client is never late. We just happen to be early."

"Oh, _of course._" Raven tugged at the hem of her dress, growling at it. "Was this dress _really _necessary?"

"Tits sell missions." Red X shrugged and leaned back into his chair. "Nice tits, like yours for example, make the missions sell better and at a higher cost. That's how the world works." He flashed her the smile that melted women's hearts. Well, every one except hers. "And I just like to look at your legs."

"Goddess, you're disgusting. How do you keep getting dates?"

"My dashingly good looks. You'd be surprised how vapid and selfish most people our age are." He glanced up and his smile faded into business. "He's here. Get up and greet him."

Raven stood up and plastered on a fake smile. When she turned around, she was greeted with a weathered, serious looking male. White, middle-aged, salt-and-pepper hair, missing an eye… and incredibly dangerous. Raven felt her smile falter a little and she took a step back. There was something sinister and almost animalistic about him, as if he wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty when getting what he wanted. Raven swallowed a sinking, nervous feeling in her stomach, trying she hard to ignore the caution in her. This man was her next meal ticket and her next rent payment.

"You must be his partner." His eyes flashed down her body in appreciation, and he smiled slowly. Raven felt something slimy wrap around her heart and she had to fight against the urge to run away. He took Raven's hand and kissed it in some twisted and disgusting form of propriety. "Quite frankly, Red X… I don't know how you get any work done at all. I would constantly be distracted by such a lovely specimen."

_Lovely specimen_? His words rattled her bones and made her feel sick inside. She was an just object to him, a simple cog in his plan, whatever it may be. Raven forced another smile and pulled her hand away. "You're too kind, Mr. Wilson."

"Why don't we sit down and have a drink? I took the liberty of ordering us some of your favorite scotch. I hope you don't mind." Red X moved closer to Raven, shielding her in a way that was both tactful and protective. Raven let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Her partner may have an asshole sometimes, but that didn't mean he didn't look out for her.

"How nice of you." He slid into a seat across from Raven and looked into her eyes. "Do you drink scotch, Raven? I would imagine a delicate thing like you would be more prone to drinking things like fine champagne."

Raven tried not to think about how insulting and degrading that was, and forced another smile. "I can hold my own with the best of gentlemen." Underneath the table she felt Red X's fingers smack her knee. He was trying to tell her to be more demure and respectful. He was _trying_ to tell her to be submissive. Ugh. _This_ was the exact reason she didn't like meeting clients.

"Well… I'd love to see you try."

Raven opened her mouth to snap something back at him, but Red X tapped her knee again, and she just forced out a vapid giggle. "I'll try my best."

"I'm sure you will." His eyes slid from her mouth to her cleavage and back again. He licked his lips and leaned back in the chair, watching as Red X poured the scotch. "As much as I'd love to discuss your _drinking _habits more, we _are_ here for business and not pleasure, unfortunately." He slid a jump drive across the table toward Raven. "These are the details and the locations of the chemicals I am requesting be… _procured_."

Red X stared at the drive, but didn't make a move to pick it up. He was being cautious, and that made Raven nervous. Red X knew how to pick missions and clients, and he always relied on his easy-going attitude and built a false sense of camaraderie to seal the deal. If he was being cautious about Slade, then there must be something setting him off. "We haven't come to an agreement on price, Mr. Wilson, and some of the items you are requesting us to _procure _are quite difficult to get to and to find. Unfortunately, I cannot agree to any of your terms without some idea of payment."

"Always business…" He sipped the scotch and leaned back in his chair, watching the two of them with a cold stare from his one, good eye. "But I suppose you do have a point, I am asking for quite a bit, even from the best. Well… there are a lot of factors that go into your price."

"Like what?"

"Like how well your partner can dance."

Raven felt the strongest urge to stab both of them with her designer shoes. They were talking about her as if she were an _object_, or worse, not even there. She shook her head and stood up, pretending to move towards the bathroom. "I'm sorry, but I'm not much of a dancer, Mr. Wilson."

"That's a pity, Raven… I would very much like to dance with you." He placed his glass of scotch on the table and stood up, offering her his hand. "Are you sure you won't dance at least one song with me?"

Raven glanced down at Red X, who nodded. He tilted his head slightly to the left, which was a silent sign that he would be watching over her, and to give a signal if anything went sour. He was _so_ going to get a talking to later that evening. Raven forced a thin smile and placed her hand in his. "Well, I guess one song couldn't hurt. But, I will have to warn you that I have two left feet."

"I'll make sure to watch your feet carefully."

Raven glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with Red X, who looked beyond nervous at this point. Raven was used for show _only_ when meeting a client, if something went wrong it could damage the whole deal, and something serious could happen to her. Slade Wilson led her onto the dance floor and moved against her in a subtly sexual way. His fingers slid under her jaw, and he picked up her chin to look into her eyes, mouthing something Raven couldn't hear.

The music continued to spill over them as they danced, drowning out his words. His hands slid over her back and pulled her closer to him. Her stomach dropped to the floor as his hands slid up and down her back. His lips moved over her ear, and the scent of something sickly sweet overtook her senses. Like death. "I think you dance just fine, Raven… in fact I believe you are the best partner I've ever had. You're so… _skilled _with your legs."

Okay, _that _was disgusting. He pulled away from her ear and cupped her cheek and moved as if he was going to kiss her, but Raven pressed a hand to his chest. She forced a fake, shy smile. "I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson… I'm just not used to this much attention from someone like you…"

He watched her carefully before smiling slowly. "Well, we will just have to get you acclimated to such things, now won't we?"

Um, _no. _The thought of spending any more time with this… _thing_ made her want to commit homicide. Being this close to him, with people and emotions and scents forcing her against him, she felt dirty and gross, and her self-awareness distorted under the pressure. There was a moment when she felt something ripple against her senses, something she felt before, and she stopped to look around into the crowd.

"Is there something wrong, Raven?"

"I… I think I need some water, Mr. Wilson…"

"Ah. Yes." He let his eyes slide down her body again, taking in her shape. "Well, I did have a wonderful dance with you. I will return to your partner and we'll discuss the details of our arrangement."

"Thank you… I'll be back as soon as I can." Without another word she pulled her hand away from him and disappeared into the crowd. She reached out with her powers, looking for the source of the disturbance. What was it, and who could have affected her like that? She should have been overwhelmed by everything happening within the club, but she still felt this _one _person…

Raven slid in between people and approached the bar, ordering the biggest glass of water they could give her. The guy behind the counter rolled his eyes but started searching anyway. There was a short moment of reprieve before disturbance pressed against her again and a hand gripped her arm, pushing her into the bar. Raven winced with the force and stared up into a set of ice-blue eyes. "What are you doing with _him_?"

"Who are you?"

The eyes narrowed. "What are you doing with Slade Wilson?"

"I don't see why my personal life has to do with you, and is there a reason you're accosting me in a public place?" Her hand twisted and gripped his wrist as she readied her powers. This was the last straw for her. She had enough of stupid boys and stupid men thinking that she was just an object or play thing. If they wanted something from her, they needed to treat her right. Her partner and Slade Wilson included.

Black magic wrapped around his wrist, but he didn't seem to care about the threat and he pressed into her, forcing his body tightly against her own. Raven tried not to feel every finely shaped muscle pushing against the thin fabric of her dress, but it proved too difficult. He looked down into her eyes, searching for something. "Stop this right now, Raven. That is your name, right?"

"Excuse me?" Raven's powers returned to her body and she looked at him, frowning. Who in hell _was this_? "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"I know you. You're Red X's partner."

Raven's stomach dropped and she stared at him, trying to place his face. Had he been a client? Or… Her eyes narrowed as she took in the shape of his lips and the slight scent of cinnamon and anise. She cursed under her breath and pushed at his shoulders. "Robin? Are you _tailing _me now?"

"I was tailing Slade Wilson, but if you're working for him…" His hand wrapped around her wrist again and he started to pull her through the crowd. "You are in too deep with this."

"It's a _job_… some of us have to make money." Raven tugged at her wrist but he didn't let her go. "Stop pulling! You're hurting me." She contemplated signaling Red X, but that would have ended in disaster. Instead, she let Robin drag her into an alleyway outside. The scent of stale, cheap perfume and sex gave way to the smell of the city, clearing her senses. "Goddess! What is your problem!"

"I'm looking out for you." He crossed her arms over his chest and watched her carefully, the same way he did this morning. That look just made her _so angry._ "You need to drop this job _now_. It is one thing to be caught up with Red X, it is an entirely different thing to be caught up with Slade Wilson."

"You don't get to tell me what to do."

"I'm telling you… as a concerned friend, _do not_ accept his offer."

"Friend?" Raven snorted and crossed her arms over her chest, cocking a hip to the side. "Since when do you consider yourself my friend? You tried to send me to jail."

He rolled his eyes. "Acquaintance then. Look, it doesn't matter… do not trust him."

"I make it a point to not trust _anyone_." Her eyes narrowed and she moved closer to him, letting him feel the subtle push of her powers. He needed to know that she was dangerous. "Including heroes."

"You are going to get yourself killed and endanger every life in this city if you take this job from Slade. If you trust me, and if you have any inkling of good left in you, then you will step away from this."

"Why do you care so much about what I do?"

In the thin light of the alley, Raven could see his face color and feel the brush of embarrassment. "Because I care about _you_, and because I don't want to give up on you just yet." He shook his head and sighed. "You are good, Raven. I can feel it inside you… whatever your reason is for getting tangled up with Red X, it's not enough to forget that you _are good._"

Raven sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the wall behind her. "Give up on me? I thought we had this discussion already. I'm not going back to that. Not again."

"So you were good at one point?"

Raven pinched the bridge of her nose and started for the door to the club again. He was giving her a headache, worse than the one the club gave her. "I am done here, and I am done with you."

"I'm _serious_, Raven. Do not accept his offer."

"I don't have a choice… _some _of us have to work for our dinner."

"That's low."

"It's the truth."

His hand touched her wrist, and this time it didn't feel angry, but curious and gentle. Raven looked at him and sighed. What was he trying to prove to her? That he was better and stronger than her? Because she already knew that, but she had to work for her life. It wasn't handed to her like it was with him. "_What_?"

"I've been entangled with Slade before. He is _dangerous_, and I know you can feel it. I nearly destroyed all my friends with what I did, and I don't want to see that same thing happen to you. Do not underestimate him, Raven. He is impossible to trust, and he will not hesitate to do whatever it takes to achieve his goal." He leaned down and looked into her eyes, and for a moment Raven could see dark shadows there, lurking behind his irises. Something unspeakable happened to him, and he had to bear the scars forever.

Her hand reached up and touched his cheek, feeling a fading scar near his jaw. "What…"

"I thought it was wise to make a deal with the devil, and I lost." He moved closer to her, crowding her against the wall. The press of his emotions was making her almost ill. "I don't want the same thing to happen to you."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I don't know." He leaned into her hand, still on his cheek, and his eyes closed. "There's just something about _you_. You're different."

"I'm your enemy."

His eyes opened and he smiled at her. "For now."

Raven swallowed hard and tried to take a step back, putting space between them. Didn't he know how to give up? "Forever."

"That's an awful long time to be enemies."

)O(

_Let me know what you think! I love to hear from you!_


	4. Chapter Three

**What I Want  
**Chapter Three

"I need to get back to Red X." Raven slid out from between Robin and the wall, trying to keep as much space as possible between them. What was the stupid boy _doing _to her? She had been living her life _just fine _until he came into it and started filling her head with stupid thoughts of "justice" and "honesty" and that damnable thing he liked to call "goodness." Nonsense. She had her own life, she didn't need his. "He's going to become suspicious if I'm not back there soon. And, quite frankly, I'm not sure if I want to be around you any longer."

Robin laughed and crossed his arms over his chest, watching her. "I _guess_ I understand."

"Well, that's a start." Raven moved to check the silhouette of her reflection in a dirty window. She groaned at the state of her hair and attempted to put it back into place. Red X would have chastised her if she came back to meet a client looking like she did. There was a long pause between the two of them and Raven's eyes moved to the reflection of Robin. He was standing behind her, staring down at her body as his cheeks flushed an interesting shade of red. Raven bit back a growl as she realized exactly what he was doing. She whipped around and smacked his arm.

"Stop checking me out!"

"I'm sorry." His hands flew up defensively before he took a step back, out of the line of fire. He tried to feign remorse, but Raven could see his smirk poking out from between his fingers and hear his low chuckle. It was like he _enjoyed _flirting with death. He was so utterly _infuriating. _"I don't mean to stare, but… you can turn heads in that get-up."

"A _get-up_?" Raven's eyes flashed red, but he didn't seem to be frightened by the push of her powers. "Do you think I _like _parading around in this? I look like a cheap hooker, and for your information I didn't pick out this outfit."

He raised an eyebrow and gave her another once-over. "Remind me to thank who did."

Raven's eyes narrowed and she hissed irritated breath from between her teeth. What _was _it with men and checking her out? Cocky, selfish, primeval bastards! Slade made her feel disgusting and slimy, Red X was just an idiot and made her feel like she should punch him, but _Robin_… his stare didn't make her _as _angry, not that it still wasn't annoying. She could tolerate it… for now. Ugh. Did _he_ really have to check her out? Raven shook her head and forced another glare. "You're disgusting."

He just laughed at her, as if impending doom were a very funny joke. "Awe, come on. I said I was sorry… but…." He sighed and stared at her, not even having the decency to look sheepish. "I mean, the dress is about two inches of fabric away from being considered underwear and your legs look a mile long in those shoes. I'm not _trying_ to check you out, but you pretty much invited it with that outfit."

"Please." Raven held up her hand to keep him from continuing, and moved toward the door. Her heart had somehow fallen into her stomach and fluttered loudly. He may have been an idiot, and he may have been a _Titan_, but that didn't stop him from being at least mildly attractive. And it _clearly _didn't stop him from hitting on her. "Stop talking, and save yourself from looking and sounding like an idiot."

"I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave."

Raven's hand paused on the door handle and she turned around, snarling at his still smirking face. "Please, Robin… _shut up_, and let me get back to my job. And you can get back to… whatever it is that Titans do." She threw open the door and pushed her way inside, shoving herself through the crowd. In the middle of the dance floor she paused and stretched out her powers, looking around. The emotions of the club goers pressed against her, but she didn't feel Robin's familiar push against her powers, so he must have gone home. Thank the Goddess. If she had to spend any more time in his presence, she would have probably punched him in the face.

"What was I doing…?" Raven muttered to herself as she ducked a few flailing arms and elbows. The severity of the situation was finally starting to sink in. She had been fraternizing with the enemy. And not just fraternizing, she'd been prattling on like a silly high school girl, and flirting with a _Titan_. Goddess, she was an idiot. This needed to stop _now_, if she got any deeper with Robin, her world would tumble around her ears and there would be no way to pick up the pieces.

But why did she get the feeling that Robin would refuse to leave alone? What a mess…

When she returned to their sheltered corner, she found Slade absent and Red X hovering over a glass of scotch, twirling the jump drive in between his fingers. He barely glanced up at Raven as fell into her chair and kicked off her stilettos. "He's gone then?"

"Mm."

Raven cocked her head to the side, watching his fidgeting. This wasn't like him at all. Red X was usually bursting with details, prattling on about contracts and plans and whatever nonsensical bullshit he liked to talk about. This cold, stoic silence was just plain eerie. She took a long drink of water before setting her glass down and looking at him. "What's wrong? Is it the offer?"

"Yes… and no…" Red X looked up, still frowning. "His offer is… _generous, _but it has a contingency."

"A _contingency_?" Raven's eyebrow peaked and she stared at him. "And that is?"

"You're to accompany him to some high society benefit."

Raven felt her heart drop into her stomach and she glared at him. "As a date?"

"Technically it's considered arm candy, but the principal is the same."

"No. Way." Rage pulsed through her body before she could stop it, and the glasses on the table next to them suffered the brunt of her powers. He was beyond being slimy, he was flat out _dangerous _and Red X knew it. If he agreed to this, then he was _deliberately _putting Raven in the middle of danger. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared, ignoring the subtle push of his tumultuous emotions against her powers. "I refuse to be around that… _thing _anymore than I absolutely have to. He's a slimy, sleazy bastard, and you know it. We'll just have to find another job."

There was a long, heavy pause and Red X leaned back into his chair, watching her from beneath his shaggy bangs. Raven's heart grew cold with his eyes on her, he was trying to goad her into agreeing, but she _refused _to let it happen. He was too dangerous to be around, and Robin's scars (both mental and physical) were proof of that. She could do whatever job Slade asked her, but she would _not _ever come in contact with him again. It was not even an option.

"He's willing to pay us two million up front, and four more when we complete the mission."

Raven felt her stomach drop to the floor as he easily threw out the monetary figure. Damnit. He always knew how to make her cave. She looked away, her eyes watching the dancers on the floor as she carefully weighed the situation. It was always like this. Red X pretended to put her safety above money, but when push came to shove, she was the one forced to make a dangerous decision. And he knew _just _how to coerce her into it. Raven glanced back at him and growled. "It's dangerous and it reeks of betrayal, I don't like it."

"I don't either. I told him we would talk about it."

There was no talking, he had already made the decision, he was just trying to show her that she had some right to input her opinion. Raven sighed and leaned back into her chair, feeling helpless. "What do you want from me, X? Am I just a pawn to you? Use my boobs and demonic powers to your advantage, without any thought as to what it might do to me? Or cost me mentally or physically?"

"I never said that. And I _don't _use you. You're my partner, not a _pawn._" Red X frowned and looked away, and Raven could feel the prickly sensation of his anger moving against her. He was upset that she accused him of being thoughtless, but could he _really _blame her? At the first sign of seven figures, he threw her into whatever path he needed her to be, and damn the consequences. "I don't want you doing it if you're going to be in danger."

"But you knew I would agree once you told me the price he was willing to pay." He didn't even have the decency to ashamed, and Raven cursed at him. "You're just as slimy as he is."

"Raven…" He reached for her hand across the table and tried to give her a genuine smile, but it looked a little broken and shattered. "It's six million dollars. That is a whole lot of money we don't have right now. We could be set for a while. We could do whatever we wanted, be laid back and relaxed, maybe even take a vacation… we wouldn't have to scrape for every job just to pay rent."

Raven scoffed and rolled her eyes. "We could also live in a slightly less expensive condo, drive normal mid-sized cars, and not buy Dom for every bimbo with boobs. You know, live like _normal_ human beings."

A small smirk spread across his lips and he leaned forward to look at her. "Well, _yeah_, but that takes all the fun out of life. Come on, Raven… you know not working would be fun for just a little. We wouldn't have to meet clients." That _was _Raven's least favorite part of the job. "We wouldn't have to go on dangerous missions. We could even spend some time together, like real roommates or friends."

Raven snorted and stood up, picking her shoes up from the floor. "Why? When have we ever done anything… _personal_ together? You and I… we don't even really like each other all that much, why should we pretend to care now?"

There was a flash of unreadable darkness across his face before he forced his trademark smile and leaned back in his chair, feigning indifference. "Yeah, I'm way outta your league anyway."

"Clearly." She sighed and looked over the table at him, letting their conversation settle like heavy sediment in a river. He was giving her the time she needed to mull it over. The thought of money, of the possible ease of her life, was _so tempting_, and he knew it. He knew that if he just waved a monetary figure in front of her face, she would eventually cave and do anything he wanted. Sometimes, Raven just wanted to throttle him.

"So, what's the plan for the party?"

He smiled slowly. "Benefit. It's just one night. Go, smile, look sexy, and for god's sake, don't open your mouth and talk. After that, the money is ours and we can do whatever we please."

"I'm not making any promises on looking sexy or not talking, but I'll go and lay on my… _charm._" Raven crossed her arms over her chest and moved away from him. "After that, I'm not doing him or _you_ any personal favors ever again." She paused and thought about it for a second before reiterating. "_Ever._ Now, pick up your things and let's go home, I'm tired and I've had a long night."

"You did all the dirty work tonight." Red X stood and pulled on his jacket, smiling at her.

"How is that different from any other night?"

He rolled his eyes and started for the door. "Ha ha. You're very funny."

"The truth is always _hilarious_." Raven tried to feign indifference, but there was a strange sinking feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. Robin was legitimately worried about her getting tangled up with Slade, and while she tended not to listen all that carefully to heroes, something about his concern and his scars touched her. Slade was scary enough on his own, but add Robin's fear and concern to that mix and the whole situation screamed danger.

She was an idiot for getting herself wrapped up in all of this, but what choice did she have?

)O(

"You're late."

Robin cringed as he heard his friend's voice prod at his conscience. He turned and looked at Cyborg, who was sitting in front of the television, watching a late-night B movie. Robin suddenly felt like a teenager sneaking into the house, only to find his mother still up and waiting for him. Ugh. He pretended nonchalance and went to the fridge and grabbed two beers before plopping down on the sofa next to his friend. Booze always helped ease tensions between them. "I'm only a little late."

"You said an hour, Robin." Cyborg took the peace-offering beer and grunted low in his throat. "You said one hour to check to see who he was meeting and then you would be back. You _promised_." Cyborg turned his eyes toward him, and he frowned. "You were gone for four hours."

"I…" He sighed and stared at the television screen, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach. Should he tell his friend the truth? Or lie? Robin took a long drink of his beer and sighed, it was _never _good to lie to Cyborg. He always seemed to find out the truth anyway. "He was meeting Red X."

There was a long, heavy pause. "Oh."

"And Raven."

"_Oh_."

Robin rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. "And I wanted to stay and see what they were doing…"

Cyborg took a long swig of his beer and stared off into the distance. "Okay… and?"

"I…" Robin gulped down his beer without even tasting it. He stared into the bottle at the remnants of foam curling around the sides. Why was this so hard to tell him? Because the situation hit a little too close to his own shadowed past,a dn Cyborg knew his obsessions far too well? He glanced up into Cyborg's eyes and sighed. "He offered them a job, Cy. I mean… I tried to get her to understand what she was getting herself into, but she wouldn't listen. She just kept talking about how she needed this job, how she needed money… I just… I didn't want her to fall into the same place I was."

There was another heavy pause as Cyborg put all the pieces together. He looked over at his friend and shook his head. "Mm-hm… and you let her go didn't you?"

Robin cringed at the accusation, but kept silent. He couldn't deny the truth.

"You didn't… oh… I don't know… _stop a wanted criminal_?" Cyborg shook his head and cursed. "Come on, man… you're sticking your neck out for a girl that you don't even know if she's on our side or not. Yeah, she plays the poor little street thief stealing to survive, but look at who she's running with: _Red X_. That's not exactly stealing to survive, that's stealing for employment. She should have been brought into the authorities and you just let her get away."

Robin cringed again, peeling the label off of the bottle. Why did Cyborg have to go all "mother hen" on him now? Couldn't he see there was a bigger issue than letting Raven go? Yeah, he'd made a mistake, but that wasn't the point. Slade was up to something _again_, and they needed to find out what it was, not argue over Raven. "I'm sorry… I just couldn't take her in."

"Why?"

"I don't know… maybe I… kinda like her?"

Cyborg pinched the bridge of his nose and bit back a curse. "Really, dude?"

"I don't want to give up on the idea that she can be good." Robin put his bottle down and sighed. "She's not like Slade or Red X or even Control Freak… She's not bad or evil, just _different_. Confused, maybe even a little misunderstood."

"Regardless… she's still a criminal, Robin, good or otherwise. She stole classified information and made money from it, that's illegal. She needs to face punishment for her crimes, and you know it." Cyborg tried to stare Robin down, but they both knew it wouldn't work. Robin knew that he messed up, but he refused to rectify the problem. Raven _couldn't _be all bad, she just couldn't. Not after all she did to save those people from a burning building. Cyborg saw the frustration and doubt in his friend's face and he sighed. "This is not good. You let her get away, and you don't even feel sorry for it."

"I know." Robin cursed and leaned back into the sofa. "I know."

Cyborg sighed and put his beer on the coffee table. "So… what are you going to do now? Because I can tell you aren't heading out there to hunt her down and bring her to justice. And I _especially _know you won't do that if you think she's cute."

"I never said she was cute."

"You didn't have to."

Robin felt color flood his face as he looked over at his friend. Cyborg knew him _way_ too well. Robin sighed again and stared into the distance, trying to piece everything together. "I honestly don't know. Slade must be up to something if he's hiring someone to do his dirty work."

"Mm… you're right… he's never done that before." He tapped his fingers on his knees before leaning back into the sofa and staring at the television screen, not really watching it. "Not _actually_ hired out services before, I mean… even the Hive was just meant to be a distraction for us, something to gauge our abilities while he made a _real _move…" He gave Robin a sidelong glance, watching as his friend's expression darkened as he remembered his own obsession. Cyborg cleared his throat, snapping Robin out of his daze. "So, what would he want with Red X. The guy is good at stealing things… but he's not _that _good. And he doesn't do anything that Slade can't do on his own."

Robin's eyes slid close and he took a deep, calming breath. "You think he's after Raven?"

"I think we don't know enough about what is going on to make an informed decision… but it smells fishy. _Really _fishy." Cyborg reached for his beer, taking a long slow drink. "So, what's the next step?"

"I'm going to a benefit."

"That doesn't seem all that dangerous."

"Slade will be there." Robin watched as his friend nodded slowly, careful not to say or do anything that would upset him. "I want to go and see if I can get any more information on him or any of his plans."

"Mm…" Cyborg kept his face blank. "And you're just going to waltz into a private, high society benefit?"

Robin shrugged. "There are perks to being the ward of Bruce Wayne."

"Spoiled rich kid." Cyborg shook his head and turned off the television, bathing the two of them in the eerie blue glow from the other electronics in the room. "I hope you know what you're doing, Robin. The last time you did this, you nearly destroyed yourself, let alone all of us."

Robin closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, feeling something dark bubble up into the pit of his stomach. "I know."

"Don't forget what happened, Robin…"

"I won't."

)O(

_Sorry this was so short, I didn't want it to be too long, and if I added the next scene I knew it would be. Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think! _


	5. Chapter Four

**What I Want  
**Chapter Four

)O(

"You can do this."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one traipsing around in a dress and high heels pretending you're interested in some guy who gives you the creeps." Raven snorted indelicately as she adjusted the neck on her dress, fidgeting under Red X's heavy stare. He'd been somewhat reserved since their argument several days ago. Sure, he put on a face and pretended indifference, but Raven could feel the subtle brush of something strange roiling under the surface. Something that stayed just out of reach of her powers.

Not that it mattered, because tonight, she was mad at him.

"I thought _I_ gave you the creeps." He leaned against her door frame and watched her put things into her purse, while giving her that infuriating smile. "You know, normal women would carry lipstick, face powder, and a condom in their purse, but you stuffed a knife, a burn phone, and bandages in there."

"Good thing we aren't exactly normal people." Raven tucked a jeweled pin in her hair and turned around, showing herself from all sides. "How do I look? Like I can charm a snake?"

His eyes narrowed and he sighed, cursing under his breath. "You're acting as if this is a death sentence."

"How _can't_ I see this as a death sentence? You're forcing me into legitimate and unknown danger just so we can make a few bucks. It makes me angry that you care so little for my safety." She pushed past him and into the living room, staring out at the city. In the distance, glimmering like a sentinel in the bay, stood Titan Tower, ever watchful.

_There's just something about you. You're different._

Raven closed her eyes and looked away, trying to erase the words Robin had said to her. He had such unadulterated _faith _in her, that she would come around and be good again, that it was hard _not_ to be good. There was something in his sincerity that both intrigued and frightened her. That was a stupid thought. She had already made her decision and chose her path. She refused to go back to being good.

"I care about your safety!" Red X cursed again and ran a hand through his hair. "But, six million dollars isn't exactly a _few bucks_."

Raven rolled her eyes and started for their apartment door. "It is when you're putting my safety on the line." She paused mid-step and looked over at him, her expression somewhere between a sneer and a snarl. "What is my life worth to you anyway? Six million is clearly what my safety is worth, but what would be the cost for my life? Ten million? Twelve? Am I just that expendable to you?"

Red X crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "Now you're just being a bitch."

"It's been known to happen." Raven placed her hand on the door handle and looked at him. "Don't wait up. And call the police if I don't return by tomorrow."

"I'll do you one better, I'll call the Titans."

Raven's face flushed red and she glared. "Pft. Don't dishonor my memory." She walked into the hallway and slammed the door, leaving emotions to smolder in the silence between them.

She shouldn't have been so angry with him. In fact, he had asked her several times if she _really _wanted to go through with this, tried to give her several exits (even to the point of offering to buy a high-priced escort for Slade for the evening), but she continued to refuse him. She wasn't sure why she did it, maybe it was some stupid mutant feeling of both conviction and masochism, maybe she wanted herself to fail just to show Red X he was wrong, but maybe… just maybe… she wanted to show Robin that she could be bad all by herself. That she had _no _goodness left in her, and he was _wrong_.

"Maybe…" Raven muttered her mantra under her breath and started for the elevator, trying to remember that she was a demon, and she could protect herself against almost everything, _including _Slade.

There was a black Bentley waiting for her and she could see Slade's shadowy figure inside. Raven fought back a shudder and walked to the sidewalk, waiting as the chauffer opened the door for her. She thanked him politely and slid into the soft leather. Her stomach turned. There was something strange about the smell in here, like parchment and burnt books, like juniper and nightshade, like cigar smoke and blood… all intertwined in one scent. She couldn't control her shudder this time, and she felt her limbs shake violently as Slade smiled at her.

"Is it cold outside?"

Raven forced back the bile rising to her throat and smiled. "Unseasonably." She crossed her legs like a lady and attempted to engage herself in polite conversation. No matter how _disgusting _it might be.

"I must say that I am delighted you agreed to this." His eyes slid down the long line of her legs before returning to her face. _Slimy. _"I was a bit worried that you would have a changed your mind before I had a chance to charm _you_."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll be quite charming." Raven forced another smile and cocked her head to the side. The angle changed her perspective and a street light slid by at the exact time. Behind his ear sat a dark, black mark of some kind, jagged and scarred… not quite a tattoo, but more like a brand. The car slid into shadows again, and Raven fought back the desire to move closer and examine. He would have seen that as an indication of desire, and Raven knew better than to place herself in that kind of danger.

But… hadn't she seen that mark before?

"I hope so. It's been a very long time since I've had the opportunity to enjoy intelligent _and _beautiful female company. You're a breath of fresh air in my very dull world." Slade offered her a predatory smile before reaching into a small cabinet next to him. He poured amber liquid into two short glasses and handed one to Raven. "Scath?"

Raven jerked suddenly, as if she'd been burned, and stared at him. "_What_?"

"I asked if you would like some scotch?" His eyebrows knitted together in a ruse of confusion. "You said you enjoyed the spirit the other night, and I took the liberty of stocking the Bentley for us. I always try to listen to what a pretty lady wants."

"That's very kind of you, Mr. Wilson." Raven was fighting desperately to keep her hand from shaking as she sipped on the burning, oaky liquid. Had he said what she imagined? Did he know about her? About what she was? And if he did… what did he want with her? She forced another smile and held the glass in her lap, trying to look demure. "If you don't mind me asking… what is it you do, Mr. Wilson. I don't mean to offend, but you don't exactly seem to be the kind of person who would enjoy a fast-paced world of wealthy banking, and I certainly can't see you as American royalty."

Slade chuckled behind his glass of scotch and looked at her, eyes clouded and emotions unreadable. "I work for the military in special projects and assignments… and I'm afraid that's all I can tell you."

"Oh… that sounds very mysterious." In truth it sounded very vague and very _dangerous_, but she was already in neck deep, there was no point in complaining about being wet now. "And do you enjoy your work with the military?"

"For the most part I do, but every now and again it can get quite bureaucratic and dull… then again, I always have my hobbies to keep me entertained."

"Oh? And what hobbies are those?"

"I enjoy studying ancient religions."

Raven felt her heart drop into her stomach and she had to put her glass down to keep from trembling. He _knew. _There was no other viable excuse for this conversation. He had to know what she was and what she was destined for. But for now, she would keep up the image that she knew nothing. Raven cleared her throat and forced her eyes wide and innocent. "Ancient religions… that seems an unusual hobby for someone of your… caliber."

"You'd be surprised what you can learn… Did you know that after losing a fight with Set, Osiris was dismembered and scattered throughout Egypt, forcing his wife Isis to retrieve the pieces and bring him back to life? She could find everything except for his penis… so she fashioned one out of gold and they conceived a son, Horus." Raven tried not to look panicked as he stared at her, but she had the feeling that she wasn't doing herself any favors. "It's the ultimate story of death and rebirth, and even birth. Proof that with a successor, the world can continue and move forward into whatever you want of it." He tilted his head to the side and stared at her with his one, good eye. "Don't you agree?"

"I… I suppose you're right." Raven looked out the window, watching as they pulled into the marina. Boats crowded the docks, and in the distance she could see a brightly lit yacht. That must have been where the benefit was. "Or it could simply mean that a woman wanted her dead husband back."

"That seems a trite explanation for the devotion Isis had for her husband and for the future of their race and religion." He put his glass down and Raven felt the weight of his stare on her shoulders. He was toying with her, like a cat toyed with its food, waiting until all the energy was expended and the cat could eat slowly, relishing in the taste of warm meat. "The preservation of your beliefs and your race should be of the utmost importance. It should be above all other things."

Raven felt the words rise into her throat before she had a chance to stop them. "Kronos ate his own children to keep them from coming to power. How is that preservation?"

Slade smiled slowly, showing each one of his teeth to her. "Self-preservation is still preservation." He glanced out the window behind her. "Oh. We're here already… I was enjoying our conversation so much, I didn't realize how far we had driven." The chauffer opened the door, exposing them to the milling crowd. Raven looked back at Slade and swallowed hard. What had she gotten herself into, and how in _hell_ was she going to get out of it?

"Shall we go then? Or would you like to continue our conversation here in the privacy of the car?"

"As much as I would enjoy that… we have other engagements." Raven forced a reserved smile and inched toward the open door. "You've already promised the press that you would be here. We should at least make an appearance and put on a good show for them."

His eyes drifted over her figure again, still smiling. "And you certainly _do_ put on a show."

Okay, _that_ made her want to vomit.

He handed Raven her purse, and let her step out of the Bentley first. The air was salty, and smelled faintly of gasoline and fish, but it was better than the stagnant stench of death inside the black car behind her. He stood next to her, smiling at the press taking photos, and then moved his hand to the small of her back urging her forward. He pressed his lips against her ear and whispered. "I have a feeling that this is going to be a very droll party. I am glad you're here to make it a little more enjoyable."

"A public appearance is a sometimes necessary inconvenience." Raven shielded her face with her hair, posing in just the right way that no one would ever have a clear photo of her. They stepped onto the yacht and Raven slid out of sight of a few other party-goers, hiding in the shadows on the deck. She fought to grab small bits of sanity in the storm of emotions. Somewhere beneath her, she could feel drunken party-goers dancing and gambling, bartenders bitching about tips, and then there was that annoyingly familiar push against her powers…

_Not again_. Was she cursed to have him follow her _everywhere_?

"Are you alright, Miss Raven?" Slade leaned against the railing and regarded her carefully, as if urging her to make the next move. He was letting the food think she could escape.

Raven smiled and touched her hair. "I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson. I'm not used to so much attention, and I appear to be out of sorts this evening… I think I better find the ladies room and fix my hair."

"Mm…" His eyes drifted over her before stepping away from her. "I understand. It has been a busy night already." He moved toward the interior of the ship, pausing after a few steps. "If you need me I will be on the upper deck. There's someone I needed to meet tonight, for work."

"Of course. I'll be there in just a few minutes, promise." Raven didn't give him a chance to respond and moved out of his sight, disappearing into the lower decks. She pushed through the crowd, ducking and dodging anyone who looked in her direction, and trying to avoid that strange push against her powers. She just needed a moment of silence. Just enough to calm her nerves.

Raven stood in the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror, trying to still her beating heart. It didn't make any sense. Did he know about her? Or was he just prattling on about some strange hobby? He was wealthy, strong, established, and eccentric, he was allowed to have weird hobbies. But then again… had she misheard him? Had he really said that _awful_ word? And why did he single her out? There were millions of other women, more educated, more beautiful, more charming than she was… so why did he find her?

What if _she_ was a target, and the job was just a decoy? Something to get her into his hands? Everything seemed _too_ coincidental. Raven let her head fall into her hands, what did he want with her?

The door opened a crack and Raven snapped out a rude curse, but that didn't stop the person behind the door. He pushed his way inside and locked the handle quickly. "You know, if you don't want people to follow you into the bathroom, you should probably lock the door." He turned around and laughed at her from behind electric blue eyes.

Robin.

"Not you again." Raven groaned and leaned against the counter, fighting back even more curses. What was the universe trying to do to her? Make her insane? "Every time I turn around you're standing in front of me."

"Every time _I_ turn around you're nipping at Slade's heels." He motioned to the party going on behind the bathroom door. "Case and point, I wasn't expecting to see _you _here tonight. What do you want me to do? Ignore the fact that you're running with a criminal?"

Raven snarled at him, her fingers itching to stab him with the knife in her purse. He was so damn irritating! "I don't _nip_ at Slade's heels. It wasn't exactly _my choice _that I come to this stupid benefit with him, it was a contingency to the contract."

"A contingency to the…" There was a heavy long pause, and Raven could feel the dark anger rising in Robin's chest. His eyes clouded and he pushed closer to her, pinning her against the counter. "Are you _serious_?After I told you how dangerous he is and how far away from him you should stay, you're still taking the job? Do you not care about your safety?"

"I still need to _eat_. It's a job and some of us have to have them, _Robin_."

"Richard."

Raven watched as he visibly winced when the word left his mouth, but it took a long moment before she put all the pieces together. There was only _one_ Richard she could think that would be at a high society benefit. Did it _have _to be him? "Richard…? Richard… _Grayson_?" She fought back another curse and groaned toward the ceiling. "Is this for real? You have a team of do-gooders, insane ninja skills, have a benefactor of epic proportions, you're good-looking, _and_ you're rich? If the world was anymore on your side, the universe would implode."

Robin smiled and held up his hand. "Wait, can we go back to the good-looking part?"

Raven frowned and looked away. "Shut up."

"You really think I'm good-looking?"

"I think you're an idiot, now seriously… _shut up_." Raven rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Let me guess what you're doing here. You're looking for Slade, aren't you?"

"Well, I found his date, so I guess he can't be too far behind."

"Mm…" They stood there in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of the party outside the door. There was a small lurch of the boat followed by someone over the intercom going over how to properly adjust a life vest, and procedures in the event of an emergency. Proof that life continued to move forward outside the door, but time felt like it was standing still. Raven glanced up at him, noticing the scar on his jaw in the stark lights of the bathroom. He had been in her place before, trying to make decisions he didn't fully understand... could she trust him with her secret? With her fear?

"Why do you keep looking for him?"

"He's up to something… I need to know what it is."

That was a loaded statement, and he knew it. Raven frowned at him. "Need to know, or so consumed with dangerous curiosity that it borders on obsession?"

Robin growled and looked away, obviously insulted by her careless comment. "Look, Raven… something doesn't feel right in all of this. He's… he's _Slade Wilson_. Mercenary, terrorist, weapons and combat expert… what is he doing hiring a team of thieves to retrieve something he could have easily acquired on his own? It just doesn't make sense."

Raven jerked out of surprise, she didn't know he was _that _dangerous, and _that_ influential. "I… I didn't know." She paused and shook her head, trying to piece everything together. Her. It had to do with her. But was it just a sick infatuation, or was there something more sinister behind it? Raven glanced up at him. "I _don't _know."

"Neither do I… and it makes me nervous knowing that he's targeted you specifically."

"Why are you so concerned?"

"I already told you… I bear the scars of a similar choice, and I don't want someone like you to have to do the same."

"You don't even know me!"

"I want to."

"Why?"

"Because this woman in front of me is who you are… not the one clinging to a murderer's arm because you boss told you to do it."

That was uncalled for. He had no right insinuating that she was merely a pawn in this game, something expendable. She was a demon, and she was Red X's partner, she was not something that could be easily toyed with. Raven reach back and slapped him. "You have some _nerve_ telling me that."

"Yeah?" Robin touched the mark on his cheek and glared at her. She could feel his fury crackle and hiss between them, their energies mixing into a conflagration of animosity and violence. "And you have some nerve thinking you can handle this. He will _devour _you. Consume you. He is beyond your control, beyond the law, and beyond sanity. You think you can handle this, but you _can't._"

"Fuck off." Raven grabbed her purse and reached for the door handle, but stopped when Robin's hand forced the door shut above her head. Heat radiated against her back, and she looked over her shoulder at him. He was impossibly close, and his mouth hovered next to her face.

"I'm not saying this to be cruel, or to make you quit what you are doing. If you feel thieving is the only way to survive, then by all means continue. But, do _not_ fall into his trap, Raven… you're better than this. If you don't want to be good, that's your choice, but _do not_ get entangled with him. He will not let you live."

"I don't want to be anything. Good or bad."

"You're lying."

"Even if I am, that's none of your business." Raven pulled the door open and stepped into the party. She ignored the push of Robin's concern and anger against her as she wandered through the decks. He didn't get to make the decisions in her life, and he had no right to tell her how to live it. At the very least, she wished he would stop following her. It was starting to get annoying.

"Miss Raven."

Raven started out of surprised and looked up into Slade's scarred face, ignoring her revulsion. She painted on an expression of innocence and batted her eyes. "Mr. Wilson. I am sorry about the delay, I believe I got lost in the crowd of people. I didn't realize the yacht would be so big and there are so many people here!"

"That is perfectly understandable. There appear to be far more people than I expected at this benefit." Raven's eyes drifted behind him to another man, sharply dressed in a tuxedo, gray hair slicked back. He looked like something out of a movie, the gentleman murderer. Slade smiled and stepped aside. "I want to introduce you to my friend, Sebastian Blood."

He bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Raven. I've heard a lot about you from Slade."

"Oh… well, I hope all good things." Raven smiled and followed the men through the open room, farther away from the bar and from its patrons. It was as if they were leading her into the shadows gathered around the corners. Like lions herding their prey into a trap. "The benefit appears to be doing well. If you don't mind me asking, exactly what is it for?"

"Some children's hospital or some other nonsense like that." Sebastian swirled his red wine in his glass, staring at the color before looking into Raven's face. He gave a thin smile and looked away. "It's sad no matter what the circumstances, don't you think?"

"I… I suppose." Raven tried to keep up her veil of vapidity, but something about the way he looked at her made her flight-or-fight response kick into overdrive. Slade was slimy, but this man was something much fouler. There was a darkness in him that consumed everything, even pieces of his own soul, and it didn't seem to bother him that he was hollow.

That was dangerous.

Raven swallowed and looked away, catching flashes of electric blue eyes in the crowd. Was he watching her? Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Cursing under her breath, she turned to Sebastian and flashed what she hoped was a charming smile. "What brings you here tonight, Mr. Blood? I don't mean to sound insensitive, but it seems like such a dull place for you."

"It is… but Slade promised me I would get to meet _you_, Raven." Sebastian cleared his throat and smiled slightly. Both the lion and the cat were moving in closer to their food, backing Raven into a corner. "And if you don't mind, the title is Brother. _Brother_ Blood."

Panic broke through her cool exterior, and a few glasses shattered on the shelves behind the bar. They _knew_, there was no other explanation. Slade had led her into a trap, and she had followed him blindly. Like stupid fodder. She tilted her chin up in a look of defiance and gripped her champagne glass so tightly the stem broke off. "And what… _church_… are you affiliated with?"

"Scath." He slid closer to Raven, and she nearly choked with the stench of death and darkness surrounding him. "You've heard of it, haven't you… _Raven_?"

Raven's eyes darted between the two of them and she dropped the glass to the floor. "I… I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't ever heard of that church before, is it a sect of Christianity?"

"Is that true? You don't even know your own heritage?" Sebastian smiled slowly as his fingers slid under her chin and tilted her face upward. "Little demon child. Your silly ruse is starting to grate on my nerves. You should know what you were born for, what you're destined to become. You're nothing more than a portal… an empty shell meant solely to aid in the rebirth of Trigon the Terrible. You hold no weight in this life or in the next."

Slade laughed behind him, smirking down at his prey. He had won, and there was no escape for her. "Silly, stupid bird. Did you _honestly_ think for a second that _I_ needed your pitiful thievery services? You're nothing more than a pickpocket. Disgusting, naive little fool." His hand snaked around her wrist. "And now you have nowhere to go, and nowhere to run. What will you do?"

Raven's eyes slid close and tried not to struggle. They had to keep her alive in order to resurrect Trigon, so for now, her life was not in danger. But how much longer that would last… she didn't know. "What do you want with me?"

Sebastian reached down and twisted the fabric on her dress. "You're to fulfill your destiny, Raven. After that… we have no need of you."

"Champagne all around! Playboy billionaire is here to save the day from this boring party!"

There was a push of shocked and giddy emotions against her skin, and Raven's eyes jerked open to find Robin standing on the bar, holding two bottles of champagne. What in the world was he doing? "I'm bored! Let's kick this thing into _high gear_! KARAOKE TIME! Ohh…. she's got electric boooooots, a mohair suuuuuuit… and she's a playing in a rock-n-roll baaaaaaand…. Oh, B-b-b-benny and the Jets!"

The crowd pressed close to him, laughing and signing along. There was just enough force from the people, and just enough shock from her captors, that Raven managed to slide into the shadows around her and slip into the crowd. Robin shook a bottle of champagne up, spraying the crowd in golden foam. Raven inched close enough to him to have him yank her up on the bar. He pretended to dance with her for a moment before pulling her close and whispering in her ear. "I don't care what is going on, but I _will not _let them hurt you, Raven. Stay in the public eye, they won't dare make a move if you're surrounded."

"Are you sure of that?"

Robin pretended to laugh and continued to dance, urging the crowd to sing louder. "Do we have another option? We're stuck on a boat in open waters."

Raven chewed on her lower lip, trying to formulate a plan of escape. "I can get both of us out of here if you make a large enough distraction."

He stared at her blankly. "I have to make this bigger? I'm _dancing on a bar top_."

Raven couldn't help but smirk. "I guess you better start undressing."

Robin blanched at the suggestion. "Bruce is going to fucking kill me."

Raven moved behind him to hide her face from photographers. "Come on, Boy Wonder, I know you can do it…" Her hands slid around to his front, pressing his back against her chest. She tried not to think about how warm and strong he felt beneath her. There were more pressing issues to deal with, like two crazy killers on her tail, threatening her life and the lives of everyone on the planet.

Her fingers slipped in between the buttons on his shirt, and yanked the edges open, exposing his bare chest to the crowd. "Show the ladies the goods." There was a wave of screaming as girls rushed forward, and Raven jumped down behind the bar, ducking behind a few spare kegs as she slipped into the kitchen. A few cooks stared at her, but most of them were interested in watching Robin prance around on the bar. He'd now taken to throwing articles of clothing at various females. _Show off._

Raven slid between a few racks of dishes, listening for the sound of carefully calculated steps. Slade and Brother Blood would not stop because a few screaming girls were pawing after Robin. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. There had to be a way out of this maze. An escape route of _some kind. _She ducked into the walk-in freezer as the kitchen door opened.

"Raven." His voice was almost calm and stoic as it echoed off the empty steel walls. She could feel his smoldering irritation press against her, and there was some mild satisfaction in knowing she had riled him up. He threw open the door to the freezer and reached out for her hand. "Come on! Are you going to leave me out there to fend for myself, Raven? Geez! It's like a mad house with all those girls reaching for me… like meat."

"Sorry! I didn't mean to get them _so _excited." Raven started for the door, tugging him along with her. "But, I needed a push of emotions to get my adrenaline running."

"Sometime I'm going to ask you what that means, but right now, we have to get out of here. Slade and that other creep are hot on your trail, and they are _not _happy that I just bombarded them with thirty screaming girls to get though." Robin shook his head as he threw open a door to the outer deck. A couple cooks jerked in surprise and dropped their cigarettes into the bay as they rushed past. "Titan tower is two miles east of here. Can you get us there?"

"No problem! Just… try not to open your eyes… My magick can burn your retinas if you stare too long."

"… you are one _freaky_ girl."

"Shut up."

"Az-"

"_Penumbra._"

There was a moment of hesitation, sparks glittered around her body, fizzling in and out of existence, and then Raven felt her body erupt in flames. She screamed, she howled, cried to an end as the fire licked at her. Chanting filled her ears, mumbling, screaming, crying. Everything swirled through her soul, threading through her body until she became nothing and everything at the same time.

Out of ashes she was formed, to ash she would become.

And then… she was drowning.

)O(

_I used the word "Penumbra" as a spell designed specifically for Raven. The penumbra is the fuzzy, gray "outer shadow" of a shadow. It is not quite darkness, not quite light. It is the space between both. I thought it seemed fitting. _

_Anyway! I hope the length of this made up for the brevity for the last chapter. Please let me know what you think! _


	6. Chapter Five

**What I Want  
**Chapter Five

)O(

Raven was surrounded be the weightless sensation of drowning, letting the wake from the yacht toss her lifeless shell through undercurrent. The icy shock from the water pushed her body from its comatose state into awareness, but her skin felt like it was on fire and her head pounded out a rhythm so fierce she thought she might scream until her lungs gave out. Through the torrential waters she could see flashes of a black suit being sucked in and out of the currents. Robin.

Raven reached out for him, trying to scream his name over the sound of the yacht's engines and the rush from the water. It was no use. He moved like a rag doll, being dragged along with the movement in the water. She couldn't let him die, not after everything he did to save her, and not after all the faith he had in her. She pushed her body against the waves and moved toward him. It felt like hours before Raven felt her fingers intertwine with his and she pulled him close into the shelter of her body. He was cold, water logged, and in his act of stupid heroism, he had caught the brunt of Brother Blood's spell. His internal system was trying to shut down and preserve all his vitals, but his body was going into shock.

Raven gurgled out a curse as she pulled him to the surface. _Why_? What had possessed him to save her like that? Why was she so special?

They broke the surface of the water and Raven watched as the boat sped off, becoming nothing more than a vague white shape in the distance. Somehow she knew Slade and Brother Blood were staring at the dark, torrential sea looking for any evidence their bodies, but they wouldn't want to pursue the chase Robin had started. So at least for a little while Robin and she would be safe. Raven looked at Robin's slackened face and cursed. That spell should have knocked him dead on the spot, how did he manage to survive it? "Robin…"

He coughed at the sound of his name and moved against her arms, his fingers digging into the soft fabric on her dress. His eyes slid open for a split second before closing again, his body becoming dead weight, and pulling them both deeper into the water. Raven cursed and tugged at the collar of his shirt, trying to keep his head above water. She needed to get them both to safety, but there was no way Robin would survive without her holding him up. She growled as she tugged on him again. "Damnit you're heavy."

Robin grunted something into her neck and clung tighter to her body, searching for her even in his blackout haze. Raven tried to calm the pounding in her head, but nothing would stop it. Her powers pushed and pulled against her soul, trying to rip it apart with every tug. It was like they knew she was in imminent danger, and they wanted to protect her body. They were going to go haywire if she didn't figure out how to calm herself down.

Ugh. How had this even _happened_? She couldn't catch a break, could she?

"… I can't believe that bastard!"

Raven looked over her shoulder to see a small boat speeding towards them, nearly silent in the water. At the helm was a very angry Cyborg, and next to him was a frightened and confused Beast Boy. Neither of them looked all that happy to see that Robin's life support was Raven. She grimaced and closed her eyes against the feelings that pushed at her body. Of all the people in the world who could have saved them, if had to be those two yahoos. _Great_.

"He told me he would be _fine_. He told me that everything was just _okay_ and there would be _no need_ to follow him for backup… and look at this fucking mess he got himself into. What part of this is _okay_?" The boat slid next to them and Raven felt herself being pulled from the water like a fish caught by a hawk. She looked into the green eyes of a gorilla shaking its head before he dropped her on the deck in a heap of water and expensive fabric. She cursed under her breath and forced her sore, achy body to sit in a semi-upright position.

Cyborg turned off the engine and whipped around to stare at her. "Seriously… how much trouble do you bring him when you're around, Raven? Is it in your 'Code of Bad Guys' to just try and kill him by involvement?"

"It's not my fault!" She ran her hands through her hair, trying to wring water from the strands. Cyborg continued to stare at her, and the green gorilla joined in. Raven huffed indignantly and pointed at Robin. "Look, _he's_ the one trying to follow Slade around like some obsessive-stalker-detective! It's not _my _fault that he got caught up in my problems. I didn't start them." She felt her face color as she looked back at Cyborg, who had given up on trying to out-glare her. Instead, he was examining Robin's body, trying to determine if he was still alive or not.

"All I know is that his never happened before."

"Yeah." Beast Boy turned back into his normal self and pursed his lips, trying to look serious. It just made him look constipated. "We never had this much trouble with keeping Robin in check until you showed up."

"Is that why he toted off to Slade's side all that time ago?"

Beast Boy called her something rude and stuck out his bottom lip, pouting.

"How do you know about that?" Cyborg glanced over his shoulder with his human eye and watched her. The air around them turned thick and Raven suddenly regretted saying anything at all. Maybe it wasn't her place to know what had happened before.

"He told me." Raven tried to step away from his cold stare, but there wasn't enough space in the world that could be put between them, and there _certainly_ wasn't enough space in the small rescue boat. "Look, if it's some kind of secret I'm not supposed to know, I'm sorry. But _he_ told me the story, and I _certainly_ didn't ask for it."

Cyborg frowned and turned back to Robin, shielding his face from her. "It's not a secret, but it _is_ personal."

"I didn't know." She sighed and rubbed her forehead, trying to ease the pounding. "I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, well…" Beast Boy fidgeted with the rope by his feet, as if he was trying to avoid the subject and any unhappy memories. He cleared his through and looked back at her, tilting his chin up in some display of defiance. "Don't go talking about stuff you don't understand."

"Whatever." Raven rolled her eyes and moved to stand next to Robin's body. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He'll be fine if you stay the hell away from him and stop dragging him into danger." Cyborg snapped at her and Raven took a step back, giving him space. Clearly this situation was a lot more delicate than she originally thought. Robin might have trusted her, but Cyborg and Beast Boy thought she was nothing more than pure, dangerous trouble. After a few, long moments of silence, he stood up, shaking his head. "Well, he'll be fine for right now, but the fall into the water and whatever _magic _he was hit with, really did a number to his internal organs. No thanks to you. It's going to take a long time for those injuries are healed."

"How long?" Something in her stomach turned sour as she watched Robin struggle with every breath. He was a complete nuisance, annoyed her at every possible turn, and threatened her with a one-way trip to JCPD's high security prison… but he saved her life. The least she could do was try to save his.

"Weeks, months… I don't know." Cyborg growled at her a little. "Normal humans can't typically survive that kind of a drop in freezing cold waters… and in case you forgot, Robin is one hundred percent normal human."

"Well… _normal _is somewhat debatable." Raven frowned and looked down at Robin's battered body, noticing the faint outline of bruising along his ribcage. She stepped around Cyborg and leaned over Robin, placing a hand on his heart and closing her eyes.

His heart still beat, but slowly, as if it was confused about what had just happened. The fall had done serious damage to him, and the spell was still trying to attack his system. He had two broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and a small amount of internal bleeding, but he was alive. Raven breathed deeply and started chanting her mantra, slow and even, sending her body into a trance and letting the power of her soul-self heal him. Behind her she felt Cyborg mutter and curse, but stood far enough away that he wouldn't disrupt her. Well, that _might _have been a good sign. Maybe he was starting to trust her?

The work was tedious and strenuous on her own battered body, and if she wasn't careful she could seriously injure herself. Minutes passed, maybe hours, and Raven felt her body sink with exhaustion. She couldn't give Robin much more of her energy, or she would break apart. Taking a deep breath she pulled her soul back into her body, but Robin's own body tried to hold onto her, seeking some kind of solace through his shock. Raven pressed her lips to his ear and mumbled that everything was going to be all right, and his body let her go, albeit with some reservation.

Raven gasped and fell back against the wet decking under her back. She tried to look at the stars above her, but her body was too tired to even attempt to be awake. "He's going to be fine in a few days, just make sure he sleeps a lot."

"What did you do?" Cyborg was hunched down next to Robin, scanning his body for any indication of foul play. There was a heavy silence and he looked over at Raven. "You've healed him."

"One of my many traits." Raven closed her eyes and sighed, tasting the salt on the air. It was almost comforting… _almost. _"His chest might hurt from the bruising, I didn't have enough power to heal his minor injuries, but all the major ones should be fine. He should be up and around and annoying the hell out of me by tomorrow morning."

"I should lock you up and take you to jail."

Raven popped an eye open to see that Cyborg had taken to hovering above her now, staring down at her and trying to decipher her motives. "Can I at least make sure Robin will stay safe? He kind of saved my life back there."

"And you kind of saved his, so I guess you two are even now."

"Awe, come on, Cy!" Beast Boy whined as he moved to stand next to him. "She's a _criminal_! We can't just pretend that she didn't steal all the things she did."

"I was trying to survive!" Raven propped herself upright and snapped her teeth at him. He yelped and jumped behind the bulk of Cyborg's body, hiding from her wrath. "I didn't exactly have friends or money or a job when I came here, I did what I could to survive. You can't fault me for that."

Cyborg snorted. "You were stealing for employment… that's not survival."

"What would you have me do? Steal bread every day of my life so I can look like the pitiful homeless girl, roughing it on the streets so I don't have to damage my morals?" Raven rolled her eyes and forced herself into a standing position, trying desperately to hide her weariness. Her body rocked back and forth before she managed to hold herself together. "Give me a break. I'm not so valiant or noble."

"Nobility or none, you're working for Slade…" Cyborg poked a finger into her sternum and glared. "I don't trust you as far as Beast Boy can throw you."

"Yeah, well… I guess that contract is null and void now, seeing as him and his partner in crime just tried to fucking kill me." Raven pushed his finger away from her, feeling the sour feeling of anger and betrayal rise up into her chest. She should have known she could have never trusted Slade. Why was she so stupidly adamant on taking this mission? To prove Red X wrong or to prove herself right?

"They did what…?"

"Tried to kill me." She sighed and fell down into a cushioned seat, looking and Robin's battered body and cursed under her breath. What was she supposed to do? The longer she hung around Robin and around the other Titans, the more they were drawn into this deadly web. And even though Robin was nuts, Beast Boy was annoying, and Cyborg was getting on her nerves, there was something that kept her from wanting them involved. They were good people, crazy as all get out, but still good. Raven glanced up at them and frowned again. "It's kind of a long story and I'd rather not get into it, if you don't mind. The point is, my client just tried to kill me."

Beast Boy groaned and ran a hand over his face. "Seriously… what is _wrong_ with you? Do you always just jump for the deadliest jobs or what?"

"The deadly ones pay better." Raven stood up and tried to wring out a few more drops from her dress.

"Unfortunately they get our leader involved too." Cyborg pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe you should think about that before taking them."

"It's not my fault he's been following me around. I _certainly _didn't ask for it." She watched as Cyborg raised an eyebrow and stared at her. Whatever, let him be a cocky bastard, it didn't matter to her. "Just shut up and get him back to your fortress of solitude, or whatever, so he can heal. I would really hate it if all that work I did was for nothing." Raven moved to take flight, but Cyborg wrapped his hand around her ankle and yanked her back down to the boat. She struggled against his grasp, but he held tight to her. "What is your _problem_? Look, I've got to go or Slade and Brother Blood are going to come back here and start looking for you two, and I have enough trouble as it is."

He stared at her for a long moment before talking. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. You're a wanted criminal with several serious accounts of theft, breaking and entering, armed robbery, and larceny, but if Robin trusts you enough to put himself in danger for you, then I guess I have to trust you too."

Raven continued to fight against the metal hand around her ankle. "Why does that sound more like an insult and less like a compliment?"

"Because it is." He sighed and shook his head. "Starfire is downtown."

Raven felt her stomach drop at the severity in his voice. Not good… not good at all. She tried to feign indifference and returned his blank stare. "Okay, what _exactly _does that have to do with me?"

"She's investigating a break in that happened an hour ago. In a condo in a very upscale part of town. What's unusual about the break in is that nothing was stolen. Not the electronics, not expensive china, not the four bottles of Dom Perignon, not even the safe was cracked into… doesn't that seem odd that petty thieves wouldn't steal something so valuable? Not even attempt to take something like a TV?"

"X…" Realization coursed through her body with white-hot heat. Slade and Brother Blood knew where she lived. They knew what expensive high rise tower she lived in, and it would have taken just a few brutish threats to have the superintendant give up the number. How could they have let this happen? They were always so careful, always diligent about protecting themselves. Were they so blinded by money that they let their guard down? Raven cursed up a storm and peeled his hand off of her ankle. "I've got to go. Slade knows where I live he's going to go through X to get to me."

Even Beast Boy looked worried, _that _was not a good sign. "You must _really _have something he wants or did something to seriously piss him off."

"You have _no _idea."

Cyborg's lips pulled down in a frown and he reached up to grab her again. "I'll radio ahead and let her know you're coming."

Raven felt something cold rise into her throat at the idea of getting another innocent person involved with her problems. Starfire might have been a super-strong alien, but that didn't keep her safe, and it didn't keep her away from Slade. "That isn't necessary. X would have gone to the safe house."

Cyborg's stare didn't soften. "And if he didn't make it there?"

Raven tried to ignore her own panic. "Jeez, are you always this cheerful?"

"I'm being realistic. You two got in way over your heads when you decided to make contracts with Slade. He will not let you or your partner go until he has what he wants, no matter what the costs are." He let go of her ankle and nodded. "Good luck, Raven. When Robin wakes up I'll let him know you're okay."

Raven paused and looked down at him. "Why would he care?"

Cyborg shrugged and started the engine to the boat. "Just a hunch."

Color flooded her face before she had a chance to stop it and she quickly took to the sky.

The chill running through the air helped bring her a few moments of lucidity. How had either Slade or Brother Blood known she was on earth? Azarath was destroyed over a year ago, and the monks forced her to flee and save herself. But she could have gone anywhere, to a distant galaxy, to another dimension… why did she _have _to choose earth? And how could people here know about her prophecy?

Images of faces ran through her mind, the sweet Ukranian woman who lived down the hall with her ten cats, the man who had given her his own lunch when Raven was starving, Red X with his cocky smile and onyx eyes, and even Robin, as much as he annoyed her. Now, people she knew, maybe even liked, were going to be in danger because she was here, and Slade knew how to manipulate her.

Something warm and wet rushed down her face before she had a chance to calm herself. This was all her fault, but what could she do to stop it? Who could she turn to? This was so much worse than bad.

)O(

"You are… Raven, yes?"

Raven could only nod as she made her way through the shambled apartment. It looked as though utter chaos had happened here. The furniture was upturned, several sofa cushions were cut, and there were bullet holes and shuriken in the wall. Red X was nowhere to be found, and Raven couldn't tell if he'd managed to make it to safety or not. Raven looked over at the tall beauty, feeling suddenly like a drowned rodent next to a magnificent peacock. She stood as tall as she could and tried to look somewhat presentable. "Starfire… right?"

"I am." She reached out and placed a hand on Raven's shoulder, and through the contact she could feel the woman's compassion and concern flow into Raven. It was warm and thick, like tea with honey, and it warmed Raven through to her core. Never had she even had this kind of feeling from someone, the honest feeling of being cared for. It was no wonder people stayed around Starfire, she was beautiful and thoughtful and _kind._ "I am sorry for the grief that this act has caused you. It is most disconcerting to know that this was not the work of vandals, but the work of something much more sinister. I vow that I will help you find who you are looking for."

Raven looked over at the slender redhead, whose bioluminescent eyes glowed back at her. She was genuine, as surprising as that was, and was really only concerned for the safety and wellbeing of _Raven_… a known criminal. Raven sighed and pulled herself away from Starfire. "You are aware that we are on different sides of the law, right?"

Starfire's jaw tightened and there was a look of resolve in her eyes. "I am aware that you saved my teammate from mortal wounds and rescued several families from a building on fire… I do not believe that those acts were mere conveniences for yourself, nor do I believe that you are inherently evil or bad." She reached out and pulled Raven into a rib-crushing hug, squeezing the air from her lungs. "Thank you, for saving Robin. He is one of my most treasured friends, please do not let him get hurt anymore."

There was something subtle in the way she spoke that made Raven believe that Starfire wasn't talking about the tumble from the yacht. She was thanking her for something that ran a little deeper the physical wounds. Raven cringed as she felt the weight of her request settle on her shoulders. She was supposed to help the mental stability of a cocky ex-sidekick? Why did she get stuck with that responsibility? "I'll try… but I'll be perfectly honest in telling you that I don't exactly want him around."

Starfire gave an honest smile. "I suppose his personality is somewhat… frustrating."

Raven snorted and moved toward Red X's bedroom. "That's putting it mildly." She pushed open the door and looked inside. It was untouched, the bed in its usual state of disarray, but the computer was fried. All the components had melted into an indistinguishable blob of metal and plastic and silicon. That was a good sign, that meant he had time to start the failsafe for their computer (protecting their clients identities and what was stolen), and if he had time to do that, he might have had time to escape.

Starfire was looking around the room with a frown. The toe of her boot nudged a pair of underwear lying on the floor. "Is it always this messy… or is this the work of Slade?"

Raven couldn't keep herself from laughing. "No, he's just a slob." She motioned Starfire next to her and pointed at the gross looking remains of their computer. "The good news is that the computer is fried, which means he might have had time to escape. If he had enough warning, he could have gotten out of the condo and to the safe house without being followed."

Starfire nodded and moved toward the living room. "And if he did not have enough time?"

"He would…" Raven trailed off. They had never thought about what would have happened if either of them had been captured by _other _bad guys. They had always assumed that if they were ever to be taken down, it would have been by the good guys. Cops, the Titans, the JLA… not someone who was after Raven. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach as Raven realized that all of this was because of her. All the pain, all the suffering, everything was because of her. Her eyes closed and she looked away from Starfire. "I'm not sure… if he was smart he would have left me a clue… but I don't know if he had the chance or even what the clue would be."

"Do not give up hope yet, Raven… there is still a chance that Red X is alive and safe. We do not know enough facts to make an educated conclusion." Starfire placed her hand on Raven's shoulder again, and Raven felt the warmth spread through her body. She looked into Starfire's concerned face and tried to force a smile. Starfire smiled back. "I will continue to search your apartment for any clues as to the nature of the break in and the whereabouts of Red X, you should make your way to the safe house."

"Are you sure…?"

Starfire seemed confused and she cocked her head to the side. "Of course… would I be anything less?"

Well… _yeah. _Starfire could have taken her in, but instead she was letting Raven go? Letting her run away from the grasp of the law to search for her friend, who was also a wanted criminal? This just felt too weird. Raven watched her carefully, sending her powers out to read her emotions. Once again, Raven felt nothing but honesty and sincerity. Starfire was letting her run away to look for her friend and to make sure he was safe. What in the hell was _wrong _with this group? They either wanted to lock her up, or they wanted to place their undying trust in her. Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

Raven sighed and started for the window, hoping that this day nightmare would just end. "I'll come visit the tower tomorrow morning once I know more."

"That sounds most agreeable." Starfire smiled again, this time moving toward Raven's room. "We will be awaiting your report, Raven."

_We_. That word rang like a warning bell through her head and she could only force out a nod. She would have to face the team as a whole tomorrow, and eventually she would have to tell them the truth. About her, about Red X, about Slade and Brother Blood. Raven closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath, trying not to think about what would happen when they knew the whole story. "I'll be there."

Starfire paused and looked back at her. "Please… stay safe Raven… you are important to us… but mostly, you are important to Robin."

Color flooded her face again. "Why does everyone keep saying stupid things like that?"

She blinked at her, as if Raven had asked a stupid question. "Because Robin is different now that you're around… you do not know it, but you keep his mind focused on the world, not on Slade. That is something I have not seen in years." And with that, she turned around and opened the door to Raven's room, effectively ending their conversation.

Raven bit back a curse and jumped out the window. She wasn't keeping Robin from Slade, she was drawing him deeper into a dark, dangerous cave, all because he didn't know when to turn off his obsessive compulsive behavior. How in the world did she focus _that_?

)O(

_I'm not dead… I've had a lot going on in my life, which just tends to consume me sometimes. But I'm back, and hopefully I'll be able to get more writing done! Yay!_

_Anyway, let me know what you think. I love to hear your thoughts and concerns. _


	7. Chapter Six

**What I Want  
**Chapter Six

)O(

Raven cursed under her breath as she stared at the forest of shipping containers, names and numbers rusting off the sides. There was an "n" in the code, right? Or was it an "m"? Was it ten down and thirteen across? Or was it thirteen west and ten south? She looked down the isles of the containers, muttering to herself and trying desperately to remember the code on the outside. In all the time she had known Red X, they had never _actually _mapped out a plan in the event they needed to use the safe house. They just knew the general location of the orange shipping container. Because, you know, that was so easy to find in a sea of other orange shipping containers.

She took a slow, deep breath and centered herself, reaching out to feel the contents of the containers. It was mostly still, the waves of the bay lapped at the sides of the seawall surrounding the dock, there were a few rats, and a dock worker engaging in a rather _personal_ act between to containers, but where was Red X? His unique aura felt completely out of her reach, as if he wasn't even in the area. He couldn't have been taken... could he?

Raven pushed back the tears in her eyes and swallowed her fear. No. That wasn't an option. Red X might have been a selfish asshole, but he was the only thing that even remotely resembled a friend in her life. An image of a broken, battered mess of his body flooded her mind and Raven recoiled slightly. She refused to believe that Slade or Brother Blood could have kidnapped or killed him, and she couldn't let herself think like that, otherwise Slade really _would _win. Raven pushed harder, ignoring all the other astral noise as she desperately searched for him.

Far down the rows, almost hiding under the rickety overhang of a misused and forgotten warehouse, was the faint thump of a familiar beat. _His_ heart beat.

Raven breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at the sky. Well, he wasn't dead yet, that was a good sign at least. She mentally marked the location and moved into the darkness, following his heart beat like a beacon. Sixteen down, twenty across... not even close. She rushed through the isles, ignoring the shadow of the dock worker as she flew past. His emotions slid past her like putrid oil and she turned away, picking up speed. Ew. Gross. Up ahead she saw the side of the warehouse caved in, and a few sheets of metal started to curl over the top of the container. It looked like every other shipping container in the area, but a small, red X in the corner of the door marked the safe house.

On the other side of the wall she could feel Red X's emotions move against her. He was pissed off, frustrated, angry, and confused. And mixed in with all of that was a little bit of fear and worry for her. Something in the pit of her stomach stirred at the idea of him being worried for her, but then she remembered that she was a _valuable_ asset to him. He would have been just as upset if one of his favorite weapons had been stolen or misplaced.

Holding back a sour comment, she phased through the wall and landed on the floor. The only light came from the glow of the laptop screen in the corner, as Red X sat there, trying to salvage what he could from his desktop hard drive. Raven stepped softly, making enough of a noise to still his actions. He turned around and stared into the shadows, searching for her eyes.

In the darkness his relief was visible, even if his voice didn't show it. "You're alive."

Of all the things he could have said... Raven raised an eyebrow, and stared down at him, frowning. "You're surprised by this? I was alive four hours ago when I left our apartment with Slade."

The name of her attacker moved over her tongue like poison and she shuddered in disgust. She had wanted things to go wrong, just to prove a point to him, and look what happened: things had ended up _way _worse than wrong. What in the world was she supposed to tell Red X? How exactly was she going to tell him the truth aver everything that happened to her?

"Well, _yeah_, I'm surprised." He moved his computer to the side and stood up, approaching her as if she were a flighty ghost. His eyes closed as he read the anger on her face, and he winced with pain. "I didn't mean it like that... it's just... Look, Raven. I was just doing work at the apartment when the walls closed in on me, our apartment was ransacked and everything I owned was upended looking for _you. _I was told that you had fallen off of a yacht and crashed into the sea. I mean... _the sea,_ I wasn't exactly aware that you could survive a fall like that." He fell back on to the cot in the corner and held his head in his hands. "What is going on?"

Raven pulled herself to her full height, trying to feel as though she had power over the whole situation. "Did they tell you anything about me?"

"Who? The intruders? They're not usually all the talkative, and I'm not usually one to offer them tea and rest when they're _ransacking_ our apartment." He scoffed and shook his head, turning away from her. "Their Main-Meat-Head mentioned enough for me to grasp the feeling that choosing you as a partner was probably a very bad idea."

Raven tried to ignore the hot pin that pierced her heart and she looked away, hiding in the darkness to shield her face. "I forewarned you once, that I was not a person to be trusted."

"Well, I guess that's to be expected... since you're a _demon _and a portal for utter destruction and all..." His words were laced with arsenic and Raven pulled back out of surprise, retreating into the shadows even more. All their time of being partners, roommates, or even some broken semblance of friends, didn't seem to matter. He looked at her with disgust and anger anyway, as if she wasn't even worthy of human contact. "A _demon_, Raven... how am I supposed to understand that? With sharp teeth and horns and a pitchfork, dancing around Satan like you're worshiping some heathen god... which, I guess you are. But, that's not the point. The point is, that you're a demon and I had no idea." He shook his head and turned away, avoiding eye contact with her. "Have you even told me that before? I know I don't always listen but..."

"I've dropped it a few times, but you were never really paying enough attention." Raven sat next to him and folded her hands in her lap, trying to keep her emotions at bay. Logically she knew this day would come. She knew that one day she was going to have to sit down with Red X and explain to him everything about her, including her heritage and her future. She just never imagined it would have to be when she was hiding from people trying to make her the one thing she never wanted to become. "I am a half-demon bastard child."

"Huh..." He inched away from her, as if afraid. "And that explains the mind-reading and freaky power thing?"

"Yes. Demonic powers and whatnot." She looked over at him and sighed, rolling her eyes. "Look, I'm not going to devour your soul or drag you to hell, X. You watch too many horror movies."

"Hey, in my defense some of them are based on true stories."

"Yes, and they're highly fictionalized. I wouldn't eat your soul anyway, it's a little too dark for me." Raven reached out and touched him, giving his emotions enough of a push to keep him from freaking out of her. She felt the warm, calm wave of placidity push back against her, as if he was fighting it.

"Raven, stop that. I don't want you pushing at me anymore." Red X understood what she was doing and pulled his hand away, glaring at her.

Raven's eyes narrowed. "Why? Because I'm a demon? You didn't seem to mind it when I was just weird, but now that I'm a demon you don't want my help? You're so two-faced."

Red X rolled his own eyes. "I'm not getting into a fight with you when you're resorting to calling me names."

"I'm not fighting with you!" That was a lie, emotions bubbled to the surface and she could hear the metal walls around her groan and buckle with the pressure of her emotions. She was angry and frustrated and betrayed. She felt a million different things that she didn't even have names for, and her body was about to break apart from the sheer strength of them. Just once, she wanted to reach out to someone and not have them recoil in fear or hatred.

"I don't want you... I don't want you to _hate_ me!"

"Hate you?" His shock rippled through the small space between them and he stared at her, brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't hate you."

"Then why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I want to figure this out on my own, Raven." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, leaning his elbows on his knees. "I just want to make sure what whatever this is that I'm feeling are my own emotions, and not just something you placed there for me to feel, okay?" He paused and looked over at her, eyes dark.

"I don't think I could ever _hate _you, Raven. Although, you drive me fucking nuts when I want to have fun and _you_ want to be a party-pooper. I'm not mad at you for what you are, trust me I've met worse, and you can't control your parentage anyway. It's not your fault that your father was Trigon the Terrible. I'm mad at myself because I never noticed, and you never dropped enough hints for me to figure it out. I should have known, and I didn't. I was too wrapped up in my own life to realize what was wrong. You were almost killed tonight, Raven, and that would have been my fault. I'm mad because _I_ put you in the middle of danger with a guy who wanted nothing more than to _use_ you for his own selfish means. "

Raven felt color leave her face and she pulled away from him. Her heart seemed to stop beating and she swallowed hard. "So, you know."

"Yes, I know. Or, at least I think I know what is going on, the details are still a little bit fuzzy and really confusing. Anyway, Mr. Main-Meat-Head wasn't exactly _covert_ about why he was looking for you, or what the Brotherhood of Evil was going to do to you... you know, that _is _a ridiculous name, by the way. Like something out of a cheap comic book." Red X shook his head and looked down at his laptop. "I just don't know why you would bother keeping something like this to yourself, Raven."

"Because I was hoping it wouldn't ever happen." Raven shivered in the cold air of the shipping container and stared at the ground. "I was told my entire life that I was going to become a portal for my father, and that I was nothing more than a disposable stepping stone. I thought maybe if I avoided being found, maybe if the ritual was never completed, I wouldn't have to become what I was prophesied to be. But, I guess that was just a silly dream."

"It's not a stupid dream, Raven. I understand wanting to avoid your fate, although I might not be able to commiserate with you. You were told your entire life that your only job was to die, and all you want to do is live." He reached out and touched her hand for a moment, as if he wasn't sure whether or not he was allowed physical contact.

Raven kept her face blank and stared at him. "Are we having a tender moment?"

Red X laughed. "I think we are." There was a long pause as he moved around on the bed, before leaning against the wall behind him, his face bathed in the blue glow from his laptop screen. "So, what are we going to do about this?"

"_We_?" Raven scoffed and looked over at him, a frown lacing her lips. "When in our relationship has there ever been a 'we'? I thought there was only you and your money, and occasionally your demon sidekick doing all your dirty work for you."

There was a rush of pain against her, as if Red X had been insulted, but his face stayed blank. He shrugged off her comment and began picking at his nails, feigning indifference. "Well, you're my meal-ticket, and I have to make sure that you're not being recruited for some sketchy demon-raising organization. How else am I going to make sure the rent is paid? You know I'm terrible with money."

"By working... like _real_ people." Raven rolled her eyes and stood up, trying to smooth out the mess of her dress. "I know it's a hard concept to understand, but it can happen sometimes. You fill out an application, you write a résumé, you know... _normal _steps."

"Boring..." His eyebrows knitted together and he moved the screen of his laptop to cast the light on her. "Look at what you did to Donna Karan... jeeze, Raven, don't you have any mercy? And it looked so nice on you." He reached out and touched her dress, examining the frayed edges and tears. "Now, you look terrible, like some kind of drowned sewer rat. I hope none of our clients saw you like this, do you know what that would do for business? My pretty little demon suddenly a mess of a homeless person again."

Always business, even after the scare of her life and the threat of imminent death and danger. What an idiot. "Quite frankly, I don't remember caring what other people thought about the poor homeless girl. And that was a low blow, X." Raven's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest, feeling her defenses start to build. Of all the things he was upset about, he was upset that she was alive and that she looked bad. What in hell was _wrong _with him? Why couldn't he just be glad she wasn't dead. Oh, that's right, after all she was still just an expendable pawn to him. "You could at least be mildly excited my drowned, bloated body didn't wash up on shore."

He dropped the shreds of her dress and pressed closer to her, his emotions so muddled that Raven couldn't get a good read on him. "I _am _glad you're alive, Raven... I just... I don't know how to process what happened."

"Yeah, I know." Raven's eyes searched his face and she saw the gash above his eyebrow. She had to remember that his whole life was turned upside down too. It wasn't _just _about her, although that was the majority of the problem. But now he was stuck with a demon for a sidekick and no real idea of what was going to happen to her, or to the world. Her snarky partner was in way over his head. She reached out and touched the bruise on his cheek, moving a little closer to look at it. "Are _you_ okay? You know, I've never seen you get injured before, I always thought you were invincible."

"Ha. Ha. So funny." He pushed her hand out of the way and looked down into her eyes, frowning. "Yeah, I'm fine." He sighed again and stretched out on the cot, draping his calves over Raven's lap. "But, what are we going to do about you...?"

"_We_ are going to do nothing about me." She pushed Red X's legs off of her lap and glared at him. "I can figure this out all on my own." Well, that wasn't exactly a complete truth. Raven felt guilt bubble into her chest at the thought. She promised the Titans that she would explain her story to them, and once she told them the whole story they would probably race forward to help save her and the world. Honor, justice, and love for all bullshit that they rubbed in her face so often. She didn't really have any intention of teaming up with them, but Raven had the feeling that once they figured out that the world was in danger, she was going to have to team up with _somebody. _"So, you're going to stay out of my way and let me figure this out all on my own."

He stared at her, face blank, and Raven could feel his incredulity ripple through the air. "You're going to stop an all-powerful demon from taking over the planet? _All_ on your own? ... _Really_?" He rolled his eyes and leaned closer to her. "I mean, I know you're stong and all, but that is one tall order for one tiny girl. You're going to need help."

"From _whom_?" Raven rolled her eyes. "Who is going to help me that you know?"

Red X shrugged, offering her a slow smile. "I have connections."

"Like _who_? I've been your partner for over six months and the only other people I see you with are blonds with loose legs." Raven stood up and shook her head. "I can figure it out on my own, okay?"

"Like I said, it's a tall order for one girl." He watched her carefully, his eyes narrowing as she made her way to the door. It was almost as if he knew where she was going, but he was waiting for her to tell him. "Who do _you_ know who is going to be strong enough to stand up to Trigon the Terrible? Who is going to stop the destruction he causes? There isn't a single person on this earth who can handle that, Raven. At least put some trust in a friend."

"I will someday, but not today. Today, I have to trust myself first." Raven glanced out of the crack between the two metal doors, frowning. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, bathing the dock in a deep, dark red and signalling that a new day was starting.

"Raven..." Red X stood up and followed her to the door. The red light filtered in through cracks and holes and fell across his bruised and scarred face. "I've never stopped you from being you, and I've never kept you from exploring all possibilities and opportunities, and while I'm not sure where you're going or what you're going to do, I get the distinct feeling that it's going to tear us apart."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Were we ever together?"

"We _are_ a team."

She shook her head, frowning. "No, I'm your pawn. I'm not stupid, X. You treat me like a sidekick, treat me as though I'm something expendable, and when your precious weapon is in danger of being lost or broken, that's when you feed me such pretty words and look out for me. You don't care about me until I'm in danger of going away, and you know what? I'm actually okay with that. I get it and it's fine. I'm just a thing to you."

His eyes narrowed and he stepped back into the shadows, hiding his expression. "That hurts."

"Sometimes the truth does, especially when you don't know what the truth is anymore. I'll be back later." Raven have him a half-hearted attempt at a salute and phased through the metal.

)O(

Robin felt his head pounding as his brain dusted off the misty webs of sleep. He was in the infirmary, that was certain by the annoying beeping over his shoulder and the starchy sheets against his skin. But how in the world had he gotten here? Everytime he tried to remember, his head pounded in protest. Forget it, it wasn't worth the pain. He groaned and pulled the sheet over his head, muttering a curse into his pillow. He kept having the most wonderful dream that fed into the most frightening nightmare. A soft body wrapped around him as they were tossed in the unforgiving waves of the sea, his name on her lips.

Ugh. Who was that? Around him he felt the push of powers against his heightened senses, but he couldn't seem to grasp who it was. It wasn't one of his teammates, that was for sure. The energy was too dark to be one of them.

"Are you going to sleep there all day?"

Red light from the morning sun spilled in through the cracks in his blinds and fell across his face. His head felt like it had been hit by a ton of bricks, his left shoulder felt dislocated, and something in his chest still sloshed around. Staying asleep all day didn't sound too bad right now, considering the state he was in.

"Yes." Robin pushed at the arm of the person trying to steal his sheet. "I am."

"That doesn't exactly sound like a productive day." The voice talking to him was monotone and a bit raspy, like fine-grained sandpaper. But, it held so much character, and the faint shadow of a few, precious memories.

"That sounds like a perfect day." He pushed at the arm again, this time his fingers closing over a thin wrist. "Let me go back to sleep. You're starting to annoy me."

"Now you know how it feels." She sighed and yanked the sheet over his head out of spite. "Look, I don't have to be here, you know. _Your_ friends asked me over for you. I can go back to my own place and leave you here alone and without answers."

Answers? Who was he looking for answers from? The only person he could think of was...

"Raven?" His eyes peeled open and he stared into her face. Something about the way the deep red light hit her face made his heart skip a beat. She really was beautiful. He pushed his hair out of his face and struggled to sit up. "What are you doing here?"

"Well... there's a long story involving two creepazoids chasing me, one of them being Slade, you saving me from immediate danger, the two of us falling off of a yacht, you nearly drowning, us being saved by Beast Boy and Cyborg, or as I like to call them: the two yahoos, and a very emotional moment with Starfire in the wreckage of my apartment." She sighed and leaned closer to him, her eyes dark and sunken from sleep deprivation. She looked about as good as Robin felt.

"In the end I was bullied into coming here to the tower to tell all of you my very long and tragic story."

He tried to wrap his head around what she had just told him, but nothing seemed to make sense. She had talked to his teammates, and they didn't arrest her? He wasn't sure if he should be mad or proud. It was one thing for him to avoid the law by not taking her in, it was an entirely different case with his teammates. "Did you just tell me that you had a conversation with everyone on my team?"

"Unfortunately. Cyborg and Beast Boy think I'm a nuisance to you and I'm going to get you killed, and Starfire's hugs bruised two of my ribs." She sat on the edge of his bed and looked down into his face, trying to offer a smile. "Although, did you know they all agree on the idea that you're crazy?"

"I've heard that before." He sat up and reached for a glass of water next to the hospital bed. After several long gulps he looked back at her. "So, really... _what_ are you doing here at eight o'clock in the morning?"

"I'm here to be the creepy stalker for once. You've had plenty of opportunities to follow me around and spy on me and me me feel uncomfortable, I thought it was my turn." Her snide smile fell and her lips pressed into a frown. "Oh, and to tell you all about my heritage and then plead for your help. I made a promise to Starfire to tell you everything I needed to."

"Are you being facetious?"

"Unfortunately, no. I wish I was, it would make my life easier." She tried to offer him another smile, but this one didn't quite reach her tired eyes.

Robin rearranged the pillows behind him to sit up a little straighter, and his muscles and bones groaned with the movement. It was strange, there were parts of him that felt fresh and new, like healed skin and tendons, and then there were parts of him that felt like they'd been through the wringer. He readjust himself again, making the sheet fell to his hips, and exposing his bare, scarred chest. There was a sharp, barely audible intake of breath and he looked up to find Raven watching him like a starving person at an all-you-can-eat buffet. There a sense of satisfaction as her eyes swept over his torso and her cheeks turned pink. Robin fought to squash his smile. So, she liked what she saw? That was nice to know.

He leaned forward, moving a little closer to her. "Are _you_ alright after last night?"

"Hm?" She was jolted out of her staring and met his eyes. Her blush deepened and she looked away as her guilt permeated the room. "I'm fine. I heal pretty easy." She gave a nonchalant shrug and glanced out the window toward the bay, her eyes fixated on the yacht chugging past the tower. "Besides, taking a thirty foot fall from a yacht is just like diving into a swimming pool."

Robin's eyes narrowed. He was starting to learn that she was really good at avoiding all possible questions, and _that_ was starting to get on his nerves. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

The unspoken challenge hung between them, and Raven raised an eyebrow, frowning. "I'm _fine_. Trust me."

"You put your trust in someone and they betrayed you. I don't see how that can be 'fine'." Robin continued to stare at her, trying to break down her defenses. There was something in him that wanted to tear down her walls and find a way inside her soul. She put on the guise of being tough and strong, but there were moments when he saw her timid nature. There was a lot she was scared of and a lot she had endured, even if she didn't admit it, and Robin had a violent urge inside him to protect her.

"I didn't put trust in _anyone_, not you, not your teammates, and especially not Slade." Raven's eyes narrowed and she stood up, putting space between them. He could feel the burn of her anger as it ripped through the space between them. "I can't be hurt if I don't put trust in anyone."

Robin raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "You can't progress through life if you don't put your trust in anyone."

"That is a load of bullshit." Her lips pressed into a thin line, and she stood up and backed away. "Maybe it was a bad idea agreeing to this." She shook her head and started for the window. "I shouldn't have come here."

She was retreating, just like every time he tried to talk to her. _That_ was also starting to get on his nerves. It was like she had no faith in herself. So, how in the world was Robin supposed to have faith in her if she couldn't have faith in herself?

"Yes, you should have." Robin's fingers closed around her wrist before she walked away and he pulled her closer to him. He could feel the push and pull of her energy, the heat from her body, the breath from her lips. His body suddenly felt like it was on fire and he dropped her wrist before he did something he knew he would regret. "This is exactly where you should be."

"Locked up in a tower with a group of do-gooder superheroes?" She gave an indignant snort, but didn't try to leave again. That was something at the very least. "Yeah right. In case you forgot, we are still on separate sides of the law. I'm still your enemy, and you're still mine. So, where exactly do I fit in here?"

"You're not a mindless thief, Raven." He could feel his anger starting to boil to the surface. It didn't matter that they knew each other for such a small amount of time, she still knew how to push his buttons and drive him insane. "You're a good person, a great person. You have the heart to be so much more than a 'bad guy'. I just wish you could see it." He sighed and shook his head, still trying to keep his anger in check. "The fact that Starfire trusts you, Cyborg trusts you, and Beast Boy is learning to trust you, should be an indication that maybe you have a home here."

Her eyes narrowed and she glared at him. "A home?" There was a huge push of energy from her, to the point where Robin recoiled from the force of her powers. She growled low in her throat and let her eyes glow. "I don't have a home. I have a roommate. I have a partner. I have a pain-in-the-ass powerless superhero thinking he can tell me who and what I am. I have his friends trying to tell me that I mean something to you. I don't have a home. I have a bunch of _nonsense._"

"You have friends." He reached out and grabbed her arm. Emotions ran through his a high current, making him feel light-headed and drunk. She was feeding him, and he was feeding her, and the whole thing was a volatile combination just waiting to explode. "I'm your friend. Starfire is your friend. Maybe even Cyborg and Beast Boy. They are all your friends. You have a place here, not with Red X. Not with Slade. _Here._"

Raven's eyes softened and she pushed his hand off of her. "Maybe you should wait to say that after you've heard what I have to tell you."

Robin swallowed hard, darkness spreading through him as he pondered her statement. What exactly could she mean by that? And why did he get the sudden feeling that there was a lot more to her than she let on? "You'll always have a home here."

"We'll see..." She gave a sad smile and started for the door, a silent indication that she was going to stay. But, for some reason it didn't give Robin any feeling of relief.

)O(

_So... sorry that took longer than expected. Anyway, just let me know what you think!_


	8. Chapter Seven

**What I Want  
**Chapter Seven

)O(

Raven stood in front of the Titans feeling a bit like she was awake in a nightmare and was about to give a school presentation, only to discover herself completely naked. Except, this was real, and instead of her being naked, she was still dressed in the shreds of last night's evening gown, her up-do in complete and utter disarray, and her face smudged with dirt and old make up. At the very least, she looked like "Day-After-Bachelorette." She tugged at the ragged edges of her dress, suddenly feeling very self conscious. She should have at least changed into her uniform, but she'd been too busy arguing with Red X to think about things like that.

"Good morning…?" She attempted some sort of awkward greeting, but was met with barely understandable stares. Each one of the Titans looked at her with a different expression swimming in their eyes. Robin looked concerned and worried, his eyes following the line of her body as she moved and shifted in front of them. Cyborg looked angry and suspicious, but that was to be expected from him. Beast Boy looked genuinely curious, even if he was trying to hide it in order to save face. And, Starfire looked nervous, as if each of her friends were suddenly going to attack Raven or one another. _That _was a pleasant thought.

Raven stood in the center of them, shifting uncomfortably and fiddling with her hands. There was still sea-dirt trapped underneath her fingernails, and grime had found its way in between her fingers. Feeling embarrassed again, she hid her hands in the folds of her dress. Exhaustion was sinking slowly into her bones, and she tried to remember the last time she actually sat down, let alone slept. After last night and this morning, she felt like she could crawl into an empty cardboard box and sleep for a hundred hours.

She cleared her throat and forced herself to stand up a little straighter. If she was going to face her execution, she was going to do so proudly. "Um… Hi? I think we've all met before, I'm Raven. My partner and I make a living being professional thieves, and recently I saved your leader Robin from certain death."

Cyborg continued to glare at her. "This isn't an AA meeting, Raven. I think we can skip the pleasantries." He snorted and looked away, a frown on his lips. "Besides, we wouldn't be in this problem if you had just managed to stay out of our lives, and kept in the shadows where you belong."

"Cyborg!" Robin's voice cracked the air like a whip, and he glared at his half-robotic friend, emotions sizzling around him. "Not cool, dude. Raven might be the 'bad guy', but she saved my life last night, and I would have probably gotten into more danger if she _wasn't_ there to protect my ass from Slade. Drop the attitude."

Raven tried to offer him an appreciative stare, but it was cut short by Cyborg's finger in her face. "_She_ is the one you went onto that ship for, not Slade. I know that you could have stayed away from him, but she drew you in deeper. I almost lost you last night. My best friend. I don't know what I would have done if you were actually…" His words drifted off and Raven began to understand where Cyborg's anger was coming from.

It wasn't that he didn't trust her or respect her, it was that he saw Raven as the reason Robin almost died last night. Not the cause, but the _reason_. He was cautious of someone he didn't know, and Raven certainly couldn't fault him for that, especially not after last night's debacle.

"Friends!" Starfire stood up and stood by Raven's side, taking her hand as if to offer her support. "We should not fight now. There is something much more devious at work here, and we should stand by each others' sides. If Raven has braved the possibility that we would arrest her and take her to prison, there must be a very important reason as to why. Let us listen to her, not belittle her and make her feel that she has no place here."

Cyborg and Beast Boy glanced away, looking ashamed. Starfire was right, though. They needed to set aside the fact that she was a criminal and really think about why she was here in the first place. Clearly, if she had put all this effort and planning into coming today, there was something very important she needed to tell them.

Raven cleared her throat and met with their eyes again. "This isn't exactly how I had this planned out in my head. I'm trying to make this work, but it's kind of hard to confess your sins while standing in front of the team whose sole responsibility is to bring me to the police." Raven's lips twitched, and behind her she heard something electrical pop and sizzle with the source of her emotions. She took a deep breath and dropped Starfire's hand. "Just… bear with me for a moment."

Cyborg's annoyed breath was audible in the silence of the room, and he looked at her with a blank expression, as if he decided that there was no more reason to fight. "Okay, Raven… if Starfire and Robin trust you, then I guess the rest of us have to as well. Just don't give me a reason to doubt you."

She tried to give him a sympathetic smile, but she knew it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Well… I don't exactly know where to start…" She rubbed the back of her head and looked away, frowning again. "I suppose I should ask you if you've heard of Trigon the Terrible?"

There was a barely audible gasp from Starfire. "This has to do with Trigon? Even on my home planet his wretchedness is known." She turned to her friends, her eyes and fingertips glowing in fear. "This is very grave indeed, he is the most vile and wretched thing to ever exist in this dimension or any other. He is a _very powerful_ demon who does not have feelings or emotions. He will annihilate anything in his path, and cares only for chaos and destruction, and-"

"He's my father."

The thick, heavy silence that followed those words made Raven physically sick. It wasn't exactly like she was expecting a pat on the back or anything, but she wasn't ready for the look of unadulterated fear exposed on each Titan's face. She rubbed her exposed arms and moved into what few shadows there were, feeling comforted by the darkness. "Don't look at me like that, I didn't choose my birth father… I was simply a product of it."

"Raven… the prophecy…" Starfire's voice was quiet, but in the silence it sounded like a megaphone. "You are Trigon's daughter… I've heard of your prophecy before."

"Well… this will help my awkward explanation immensely." Raven met Starfire's eyes and gave her a short nod. "I am Trigon's daughter, which makes me half-demon. That's the secret to this." She waved her hand at the electronics turned off, bathing all of them in red sunlight. "But, as Starfire pointed out, this isn't something that comes without a price. I may have powers, but I have an equal amount of costs involved. I was born the bastard child of a demon and a human, and my body and my soul were created for the sole purpose of being a portal for Trigon into this world."

Cyborg's stare darkened. "And what does that mean exactly?"

"It means that Trigon the Terrible will use the portal to gain entry into this dimension. At this moment he is trapped in the deepest parts of an alternate dimension, but that state is not permanent. He will consume Raven and then consume this universe." Starfire wrung her hands, but her eyes did not leave Raven's face. "I always assumed that myth was nothing more than lies and stories, I did not ever dream that it would have actual merit."

"It's true." Raven looked at her companions and tried to gauge their reactions. When she was unable to read them properly, she sighed and looked away, rubbing her arms again. "Last night, when I was on the yacht, Slade approached me with a man I've never met named Brother Blood. Apparently there is a whole organization whose only goal in life is to awaken the portal inside of me, which is why Slade sought both me and my partner out, so they could have me within their control. If they succeed in waking the portal, Trigon the Terrible will be unlocked from his chains of the nether world, and he will come here. To this dimension." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, hoping no one noticed her shaking hands. "Which is something you certainly _do not_ want. If that happens, he will not be content with consuming this world, but every world in this dimension. He will not stop until the vast universe is his and his alone. Fire and brimstone and eternal damnation."

"Is this… are you…" Robin, for the first time that Raven could ever remember, was speechless.

She offered him a sad smile. "I _am_ the portal. I am the one thing that can bring Trigon here." There was a small pause before she spoke again. "I don't want this for your world, I don't want to see what would happen if he gained control. While my time here has been short, I have to admit that there are things about this world that I do not want to see extinguished." She caught Robin's eyes on her face and looked away, blushing. "I am _pleading_ with you, please do not let that happen. Do not let this prophecy come to fruition."

There was another long, heavy pause that drifted over them, each of the Titans weighing exactly what this meant for them. Raven was the point at which destruction would enter the world. _She_ was ground zero for an invasion that no one could comprehend. But if you remove ground zero…

Cyborg spoke the words everyone was thinking and no one would say. "We could kill you."

"Cyborg!" Robin snapped and glared at his friend. His anger rippled through the space around him. "I can't _believe_ you. She's a human being, a _person_ we can't just kill her because it's convenient."

"_She_ is the portal." He motioned to Raven, not quite meeting her eyes. "If we kill her, we staunch the portal. Plain and simple. It's one life for countless others." He tried to sound strong and brave, but there was a low tremor in his voice, and his face paled. It was as if even _he _couldn't stomach the idea of having to murder a helpless girl. But, his idea had logical merit, and it was one that Raven had thought about before.

Robin opened his mouth to speak, but Raven silenced him before he could protest Cyborg's suggestion again. She looked into his eyes, knowing that her own darkness was shining through her gaze. "Believe me, I have contemplated that same question as well. You're not offering any suggestion that I haven't already thought of. But, I have to survive. If I die, he will find another way to free himself, that I can promise you, and there will be no one with anything like my power that is strong enough to chain him again."

"So you have to live, but you'll still be a portal?" Beast Boy scratched his head, confusion clear on his face. He was trying to connect the pieces together, but something wasn't clicking just yet. "And if you die, there's no way we could put him back into hell?"

"No… I'm the only one with the right magic to contain him." Raven sighed and wrung her hands again, feeling her heart sink into her stomach. "Because I'm his only offspring."

Cyborg's lips twitched in annoyance. "You're just telling us this so we don't kill you."

"Cyborg!" Robin cursed under his breath and stood up. "Really, dude, what is your problem?"

"Look at her, Robin. One life, one of a criminal, to save a _universe_?"

"He's right." Raven caught Robin's stare and nodded. "One life for an infinite number is worth it, and I would gladly give myself up for sacrifice if I could. I haven't exactly led the greatest life, Cyborg. I've spent most of my childhood locked up in an alien monastery where I was allowed to show no emotion or the world would probably collapse in on itself. When I came to this plane of existence, I spent most of my time in poor houses and shelters, completely penniless and friendless. I don't exactly have a whole lot to live for, except that by being alive I am keeping the world safe. I had a million more reasons to kill myself before, but I have an important one to live. Maybe I am telling you a lie so I can live, but do you really want to take that chance?"

"No." Cyborg leaned back into the sofa and looked away, knowing Raven had won the battle. "But I don't want to trust you either. You've gotten Robin into more trouble than I have _ever_ seen him in, and I have seen him in some pretty _bad_ trouble."

"She has also helped us a great deal, Cyborg. She has _saved _Robin." Starfire looked at all of her friends, her expression serious. "Robin has… a different personality since Raven has been in our lives. He is, perhaps, calmer and more… how do you call it? Centered? As Cyborg said to me, she keeps him grounded, even if she leads him into danger."

Cyborg's face suddenly burned bright red and he glared at his friend. "Star… I told you that in _private_. You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone, but you just told _everybody_."

"Is it not the truth though?"

He ran a hand over his face and exchanged surprised looks with Raven. "So, _what_? I don't want to _hate_ you, Raven, you just seem confused and a little misguided… but you have to admit that trouble follows you like a clingy girlfriend, whether you want her to or not."

She gave him a sympathetic smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Welcome to my life."

"And when we stop Trigon… what will happen to you? Where will you go?" Beast Boy's stare had turned suspicious again, and he leaned forward to watch her. "So, let's say that we help you, and we kick this Trigon guy's butt… then what? You go back to being a criminal? We just save the universe and you get to walk away?"

"No. You would have helped me break my fate and change my destiny. When we defeat Trigon and the world is safe, then I will do whatever you ask of me." Raven offered her wrists out like a sacrifice. "I am a criminal, and I have broken the law more times than I care to count. If we defeat Trigon, I'll give myself to you whole-heartedly. You can do whatever you wish with me."

Cyborg snorted. "Well, if you _help_ us save the world, maybe we'll call your debt null and void."

Raven was unable to keep look of the shock and surprise off of her face, and her eyes met Cyborg's small smile. He was being completely honest, and there was something in his sincerity that touched her. It was like he was offering an olive branch, and she wanted to grasp it wholeheartedly.

"So… what do we say, team?" Robin glanced between all of his friends, looking for their decision.

"I say we need a while to discuss this…" Cyborg looked over at Raven and pointed to the door. "In private, if you don't mind."

"I understand." She moved into the hallway, somehow resisting the urge to press her ear to the crack in the door to catch snippets of conversation. She knew, logically, that there was no way they could deny her request. It was the fate of the world that rested in their hands, and if they chose not to believe her, they would be damning the rest of the universe. But still… there was something inside her that feared the possibility of "no". If she couldn't have their help, she didn't know what she would do. Give into the darkness and her destiny was her only option at that point.

"Yeah… because _that _sounds like a great way to live. Or die." She knocked the back of her head on the wall and sighed, staring at the ceiling. Her skin started to itch and her legs trembled as she felt the push and pull of their emotions from the other room. Anger, frustration, suspicion, hate, platonic love, understanding, curiosity, and unadulterated fear and rolled into one thick, sticky blob of emotions.

Raven pushed herself to her feet and began to pace in front of the door. She couldn't just stand here and wait around like the accused waited for a sentence. Ugh. It was almost too much, and in the back of her mind she felt the brush of guilt as Red X crossed her thoughts. He was the one that saved her from poverty, and _this _is how she thanked him? By running to the Titans at the first sign of trouble? What was _wrong _with her? She should have at least had some faith in him. But then again… he had _no _idea the power that Raven was actually capable of. At least the Titans had some belief in her.

She moved farther down the long hallway, looking out the windows and meandering through the empty spaces in Titan Tower. She needed something, _anything_ to keep her mind off of the fact there were four superheroes that held her fate in their hands, and there was one thief she was betraying.

Raven wandered down the halls looking through open doors and passing bedrooms and offices until she noticed an empty bedroom with the door wide open. She looked up down the hall, wondering if there was anyone watching her. When she didn't feel anyone close to her, she stepped inside. The moment her feet crossed the threshold, she had the feeling that she was at _home_. Not an apartment that her partner shared with her, but her _own space_, with people who may or may not start being her friends (at least for the time being). It felt strange. It felt unusual. It felt…

"Good." Raven moved to stand next to a window and stare outside. If she moved just the right way, she could see the skyscraper that was next to her apartment building. She could see the whole metropolis as if it were a picture laid out for her. People were in those buildings, living their happy (or unhappy) lives, completely unaware of what was going on behind the walls of the T-shaped sentinel. Raven felt something strange rise up into her throat, threatening to choke her. It felt like… compassion, almost. Like she had the desire to protect those unsuspecting lives. There were criminals were in those buildings too, and she used to be there with them. But now, she had the opportunity to be something else, something different. She had the opportunity to be what her mentor had always told her: something good.

Raven took a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting that realization sink into her. She was standing in Titan tower, requesting help to keep the universe safe from herself, but maybe – just maybe – she had come here to search for her own salvation. Maybe she had come here to be reminded that there was goodness in her, and that she should use it.

"It's yours if you want it."

Raven jumped in surprise and turned around to see Robin leaning against the doorway and watching her move around the room. She swallowed hard, suddenly feeling as if Robin had heard her inner-most thoughts as if they were shouted over a megaphone. She pushed a few strands of hair out of her face and looked back out the window. "I can't stay here. You know that."

"You can't go back to your apartment." He walked into the room, and the door closed with a magnetic hiss. "Slade knows where you live, he knows your partner, he knows your steps. He will hunt you at all possible costs. _You_ are the keystone to his plan. If you go back to your apartment, you'll be playing right into his hands, and he will not let that opportunity slip from him again."

Raven looked back at him and sighed, running her fingertips over an empty bookshelf. "I know that."

Robin gave an aggravated sigh. "I _told_ you not to get involved with him."

"In my defense, it wasn't exactly like I was _expecting_ him to turn out to be a member of the Brotherhood of Evil." Raven rolled her eyes and looked back at him, trying to read his expression through his mask. He kept his face blank, and Raven suddenly had the strongest desire to see his electric blue eyes again. At least she could read him easier that way. She turned away again and hid her blush from him, now was _not _the time to be thinking about his eyes. "I'm not staying here, it doesn't matter what you say."

"I can't let you go back to the apartment and live where Slade knows your address."

"I'm not going back to the apartment, Robin. It's not like I don't have other safe houses and places to crash. Besides, if worse comes to worse, I am well versed in Hotel chez Cardboard Box." Raven watched as he visibly winced at her allusion to her past. She rolled her eyes again. "And I can't leave my partner, you know I won't."

Robin's wince turned into a frown and he growled low in his throat at the mention of Red X. "He's just a _thief_, Raven. He doesn't deserve your concern. You're better than that, and I would like to point out that is was under _his suggestion_ that you put yourself in danger in last night. You played right into Slade's plan because he asked you to, and you followed him blindly, nearly getting yourself killed."

"That was _my choice_."

"No, it wasn't." Robin stepped closer to her, pulling himself to his full height. "You _knew_ what Slade was capable of and what he could do to you, and yet you went after him anyway. Why? Because Red X urged you to go. Coerced you to go. Did whatever it took so that you were blind to the danger."

Raven felt her lips snarl at him, but deep inside she knew Robin was right. Slade had made her feel slimy and creepy and used, but the moment Red X had tossed around those seven numbers, she let him lead her like a lamb to slaughter. And she just forgave him when she was attacked. But still… he was the only one who had helped her from the gutter where she was left. He was the first one who ever looked at her like a person, and not like some kind of freak.

"He's my friend." Raven paused and thought about her own words as they hung between them. She had never really thought about Red X as a friend, but maybe he was. Or, maybe he really was just a pain in the ass that she had to deal with on a regular basis. Either way, she didn't want to leave him alone when he might have been in danger, not after everything he'd done for her. "Well, he's close enough anyway… I'm not leaving him."

"He's not a _friend_, Raven. Friends don't let you dance with Slade's hands all over you, friends don't throw you onto a yacht surrounded by villains, and friends don't just run away when you are attacked." Robin's voice was harsh now, as if he were insulted by the fact that she considered Red X a friend, and as if he were worried she was going to run back to him.

"Look, I don't see why you've got yourself worked up over this." Raven pointed a finger into his chest and felt the energy crackle and hiss between them. She was actually quite surprised nothing had exploded yet. "I'm _not_ leaving him to the mercy or Slade and Brother Blood, that's the end of that."

"I'm not leaving you." Robin moved closer to her, pushing her finger out of the way. "Aside from the fact that you are a ticking time-bomb just waiting to explode, and you need someone both watching and protecting you at all times, and you have one of the world's most _brutal _mercenaries out there looking for you… the truth of the matter is that you _are_ better than a common thief. I've seen what you're capable of, Raven. I've seen the amazing things that you can do and I want to see you do them. You deserve to do something good with your powers, not just something that makes you money."

"I'm _happy_, don't try to change me."

"You're not happy, you're complacent."

Raven felt the snarl before she had a chance to stop it. "Don't try and counsel me, Robin. I'm not one of your teammates, I don't need pep-talks and babying."

"No, you're not one of my teammates…" He looked away before catching her stare again. "But I wish you were. I wish you were here, in this, room being my teammate, and being my friend. I wish you were closer to me, and closer to being good."

Raven glared at him and rocked back on her heels, trying to put space between them without looking like she was backing down. Every time they were closed to one another, _this _happened. They just stood there and attacked each other until one of them gave up and realized there was no point in fighting. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't Robin just leave her alone? "I just don't understand what you see in me. I'm a criminal, wanted by the _federal government_, I don't hang around the most _savory _characters. Just leave me be."

"I don't understand how you _can't _see it, Raven. You are beautiful, and funny, and smart, and filled with… _this_." He motioned to her. "And yet you're wasting all of that on _him_?"

She swallowed hard and retreated to the shadows in the room. What was this burning feeling in her chest? It felt like fire was ripping through her lungs until she couldn't breathe. "Why do I get the feeling that this has nothing to do with my powers…"

"Because it doesn't!" His face paled and he turned around, moving farther away from her and leaving the echo of his words hanging between them. "Never mind. It's just not important, so forget about it." He sighed and opened the door, effectively ending the conversation and leaving Raven with more questions than answers. "If you'd rather put yourself in danger and be on the other side of the law, then go ahead. It's not my problem, and I have more important things to worry about then policing you."

Raven snarled at him. "Fine. Glad to know we reached an agreement."

"Mm… guess that is a good thing. By the way, the consensus was to help you…" He glanced over his shoulder at her, expression unreadable behind the mask. "We start tomorrow."

)O(

_Holy Shit Balls, Batman! I did stuff! Yes, I did finally post this. Sorry, I've had a few disasters happen at work and it's consumed my life. Which it shouldn't, because it's _just work_. So, anyway, yeah. I'm hoping to have the next chapter out soon, along with "To Claim and Possess" if anyone is reading that. _

_Also,__** if there's anyone out there interested:**__ I have an idea for a story that I would __**L-O-V-E**__ to write/help write if anyone is up for a tag-team effort. My synopsis is on my profile page at the bottom of the Bio area. So, if you're interested in a Robin/Raven tag-team story, then PM me and we'll talk. Or, if you're just interested in reading 3500 words of unedited nonsense, let me know too. I'll send that along._

_Anyway. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think! _


	9. Chapter Eight

**What I Want  
**Chapter Eight

Raven stormed back to the safe house (also known as the decrepit-looking shipping container hiding in a nearly forgotten corner of the dockyard) and threw open the door. The generator had been turned off, and the the only sound echoing through the steel walls and stagnant air was faint hum of equipment far away on the edge of the docks.

On the empty cot there was a note:

_Went out. Be back later.  
Left a sandwich and some snacks for you in the cooler.  
Call me if you need anything. _

Raven knew Red X had probably gone out with a different assumed identity to find them a new place to live, and she briefly debated calling him to tell him that she wanted to move to an entirely new city, in an entirely different country, on an entirely different continent, preferably on an entirely different _world_. She grumbled under her breath and plopped down on the cot, trying to keep her emotions in check, but somewhere far behind her she heard a shipping container bust open, spilling its contents all over the yard. Shouts and screams of the workers filled the silence as they tried to clean up the mess. Raven took a deep, calming breath and leaned back against the pillows on the cot, listening to the chaos ensue.

_ Logically_ she knew that it was silly and asinine to just pick everything up and run away from her problems, but Robin had the innate ability to pull that feeling out of her. He was so _damn _frustrating that it was a miracle that Raven hadn't pulled out all her hair, or murdered him, at this point. Did he have to be so condescending to her? As if she didn't know what she was doing? She _knew._ Hell, she had been forced to live with her own decisions her entire life. He could at least try to remember that she wasn't completely stupid. But reminding him of that fact seemed pointless as he was determined to "make her see the error of her ways" or whatever bullshit he wanted to call it.

She opened the cooler and pulled out an iced tea and the turkey sandwich, devouring them both ravenously. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten, and hadn't realized how hungry she was. Her body and mind was in such a state of exhaustion and disrepair, that she felt like she was reverting to a more primal state. If anyone walked in on her now, she would probably look like a feral animal. Forcing herself to slow down, she picked at the potato chips, staring at her lap and examining the destroyed dress in the dim light of the battery-powered camp lantern.

Raven knew she was a little worse for wear. Her makeup was long gone, replaced by dirt and and cuts, her hair was in complete disarray, smelling faintly of sea and oil from the boat, and her dress was nothing more than rags stretched across her body. She probably looked just as _amazing _as she felt. It had been over twenty four hours since she last slept, and her body was starting to feel as if she was sinking into herself and collapsing into nothingness. She pulled her dress and underwear off and tossed them carelessly in the corner, snorting under her breath as more sequins and beads fell off the expensive fabric.

"A thousand dollars wasted on my inevitable demise. Good choice, X... idiot." She dug into his bag of clothes, stealing a tee shirt and a pair of boxers from him. The fabric was worn and soft, and it smelled faintly of him and his cologne. Something about the smell comforted her, reminded her of a home. Red X was a pain in her ass, childish, a womanizer, and a full-fledged idiot most of the time. But, he was the closest thing she had to a family.

_No, you're not one of my teammates… but I wish you were. I wish you were here... being my teammate, and being my friend. I wish you were closer to me, and closer to being good._

Raven shook her head and bit back a curse, wishing she could block out the sound of Robin's speech. Why did she let him get under her skin like that? He was just an annoying kid, wearing the guise of a vigilante and hiding in the shadow of his mentor. _She _was powerful and strong, she didn't need him telling her that. He was just...

Raven's thoughts trailed off suddenly and she groaned. Thinking about Robin was the last thing she needed to be doing right now. What she _needed _to be doing, was _finally _getting some rest. Without finishing her sandwich, she crawled under the covers of the cot and pushed all thoughts of Robin out of her mind, falling into a dreamless sleep.

)O(

"Hey, Rae..."

A phantom hand pushed her hair back from her neck and she stirred under the gentle touch. The smell of black licorice hit her nose and she groaned into the pillow. The hand touched her again, shaking her shoulder this time.

"Come on, Rae. Get up. We've got to get moving." The fingers tugged gently on her hair, as if teasing her. "If we're going to do this the _right _way, then you need to get up. We're picking up our keys in two hours, and I managed to salvage what I could from the flat, but we're gonna need to pick up a few things first."

Red X. Of Course. Only he would be stupid enough to try and rouse her from her much needed sleep. She popped an eye open and glared at up at him. "What time is it?"

He shrugged and dropped her hair. "Noon."

"X..." She threw an arm over her eyes and fought back the desire to send him to another dimension. She knew he was just trying to put their life back to normal, but he was making things worse by denying her much needed rest. "I just went more than twenty four hours without sleep and I _just_ closed my eyes at ten in the morning. Please, for the love of god, and you just let me _sleep_?" She pulled the covers over her head and groaned again. "I just want to sleep."

"I got you a new bed." His tone was sing-song, like something you would use to tempt a child with a treat. "With the queen-sized pillow top mattress that you wanted."

She turned and looked at him, hovering over her in the dim light. He remembered that? That had been almost three months ago when she had complained about the mattress to her room (right after she moved in with him) and his response was something akin to: get it yourself, I'm not your butler (only with more profanities involved). Raven watched him cautiously, trying to decipher meaning out of the gesture.

"You're trying to trick me into something, aren't you?"

"No." He paused and sat next to her on the bed, fidgeting with his hands for a moment. "I just... it's..." He mumbled something under his breath and looked away, shifting under her heavy stare. "I felt terrible about what happened to you... it was because of me that you ended up in the position you did. And, I know a _mattress_ isn't going to make up for what happened, but... I felt like you deserved it."

"I don't deserve it. I..." She sighed and shoved some of her bed-head out of her eyes, trying to read his emotions, but he was so jumbled and up in knots that Raven couldn't get a good read on him. He had too many conflicting emotions, and he was laced with guilt (which was curious in and of itself). "Look, I appreciate the gesture and all, but what happened to me wasn't your fault. I forced myself to go on that date to try and teach you a lesson, and _I_ put myself in that situation. You tried to offer me a way out and it was my own decision that put me there." She paused again, thinking. "Besides, even if I didn't go last night, Slade was going to find me anyway, it didn't matter if it was last night or not. He would have tracked me down regardless, so last night _wasn't _your fault."

"Mm..." He didn't seem convinced, and Raven was too tired to continue to argue with him.

"Okay. I'll get up." She sat up and pushed the covers off of her. "But you're buying me the largest coffee possible from my favorite coffee shop, and as soon as we get to the new flat I am sleeping until I wake up... and I am _not _moving any boxes or furniture until tomorrow." She added as an afterthought.

He chuckled. "That's what I pay the movers for."

"With _what _money, X?"

He shrugged and looked away, picking at invisible lint on the covers to avoid looking into her face. "I picked up a mark this morning for some quick cash. Not a _whole_ lot, but enough for the new flat and some new things for the apartment." He finally looked at her, smiling his signature lop-sided smile. "Come on, have some faith in me, I don't spend all my money on... what did you call them? Girls with loose legs?"

Raven couldn't keep the smirk off her lips. "You _are_ kind of a slut, you know."

He chuckled again. "Yeah, but _you're_ the one who puts up with me. Sometimes I feel bad that you even have to do that." He looked down at her and his smile fell a little as his eyes drifted over her. "Are you wearing my clothes?"

"Yeah." She glanced down at herself, wondering if she had spilled tea on his tee shirt from his shocked expression. No. She looked back up and him and shrugged. "Sorry, I didn't want to force myself to wear that stupid dress any longer. It's nothing but rags now, and it really wasn't all that comfortable in the first place. Do you want me to take them off?"

"No... I... that's not it." He stumbled over his words for a moment. "You just... you look cute in my clothes."

Raven reeled back from his statement, nearly hitting her head on the wall behind her. "I look... _cute_?"

He shrugged and looked away, pretending to suddenly be interested in his phone. "Well... yeah. I mean... like a little sister or cousin. Or something."

"Oh." Raven felt her heart fall a little and the sensation was strange inside her chest. It felt almost like she was disappointed. She brushed off the feeling and stood up, leaning over him. "Come on, X. Let's go get my coffee and then we can pick up keys to our new place. And then maybe I can _finally _get sleep." She glanced down at herself in his clothes and frowned, suddenly feeling very self conscious. "And can we get me some new clothes before we get coffee?"

He laughed and stood up. "Yeah. Come on, I think Saks is open."

Raven rolled her eyes and followed him out of the shipping container. "I don't understand your need for designer clothes. I'm fine with wearing clothes from a thrift shop, you know."

He laughed again, but this time the sound was kind of sad and broken, as if her comment was stirring up old, painful memories. "Raven, you aren't homeless anymore. You don't have to walk around in dirty, threadbare clothes. You can wear designer labels and walk around like you own the world." He winced when those last words came out of his mouth, suddenly remembering the prophecy that was tattooed on her soul. "I didn't mean it like that, I meant..." He drifted off. "Nevermind. The point is that you don't have to think of yourself as some homeless street rat anymore... I mean, I guess... I kind of consider us family. Right?"

Raven blinked, shocked at his admission. "Family?"

"Yeah." He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away. "Aren't we family? I mean, we look out for each other, and you've saved my ass more times than I care to count..." He drifted off again, leaving Raven to wallow in the echoes of his words.

Were they a family? Were they even a team? It was hard to tell sometimes, especially when Red X frustrated her to no end. But more often than not, Raven found herself happy to go home, happy to be around Red X, and happy to have a roof over her head with someone else inside it. And more and more she found herself starting to like Red X (in spite of his _obvious _shortcomings). So maybe they _were _a family, although certainly not a conventional one, but that didn't seem to bother her at all that much.

"I guess we're family... although, I don't imagine a family consisting of two thieves to be all that supportive, but we take care of each other." Raven tried to smile up at him. "But I guess not all families are going to be the same."

His nervousness subsided and he looked back down at her, smiling again. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He paused and glanced down at her, chuckling. "Now come on, let's get you some clothes. As _cute _as you look in mine, they don't really fit you all that well... and we might as well pick out some new furniture for the apartment while we're at it."

)O(

Raven glanced down at herself, dressed in three hundred dollar jeans and a two hundred dollar top. Seriously, what was his problem? Why couldn't he just let her live in her old clothes that didn't cost as much as two months' worth of utilities? _Although..._ Raven glanced around her, making sure not one was looking, and then turned around and looked at her reflection from the behind. She did have to admit that she looked kind of nice.

"See. I told you that your butt looked cute in those jeans."

Color flooded her face and she turned around and glared at Red X, trying to keep from her embarrassment from showing. She sniffed indignantly. "I look ridiculous. I'm wearing more than our utilities cost... and you forced me to put on makeup."

"I didn't _force _you to do anything. I just pointed out how pale you are. Anyway... you look adorable." He patted her on the head and handed her a large coffee with his name written on it, followed by a phone number and a heart.

"Clearly _Sabrina _wanted you to call her." She peeled off the lid and stared inside. "I hope she didn't rufi this thing."

Red X snorted into his own drink. "Seriously?"

She shrugged. "You are pretty attractive... although don't tell anyone I told you that."

He laughed. "Come on, Rae. Let's go pick out new furniture."

"Jeez, we're like a married couple."

"We _are _a married couple." He reached into her shopping bag (filled with _more _unnecessary clothes and accessories) and pulled out a purse and wallet. He opened the wallet and shoved a few crisp, new credit cards and a driver's license in the pockets. "You are Mrs. Rachel Todd, and I am Mr. Jason Todd. Congratulations, we're married."

Raven rolled her eyes, staring at the license. Somewhere inside her, she knew she should be upset that their new identities were married, but something about it felt right. After all, they were living together, had just established that they were a strange assortment of something resembling a family, and they didn't want people questioning their relationship too closely. "Already married? And I never even got to wear the big white dress or register at Barney's. How _sad_."

Red X laughed again. "Sassy as ever I see."

She shrugged and took a long sip of her coffee. "Just because I'm supposed to be the doting wife doesn't mean that I have to stop being sassy ole' me. You married this after all." She paused and looked down at her left hand. "The ring?"

"We don't believe in them. Marriage is an inward expression of our commitment, not an outward one." He smiled at her, humor reflecting in his eyes. "Unless you want one. I'll go back into Saks and pick you up one if you want one _that _bad."

"Goddess no. Stop wasting money." She sipped at her coffee some more, her mind starting to wander down a path lined with false images. Something about the game seemed delightfully fun. "I mean, after all, we just finished paying off our student loans, we want to start saving for our retirement at sixty five."

"We're going to be okay. After all, I manage hedge funds downtown and you work as a PR specialist in the same building. We've got money to burn." He leaned back against the building behind them and stared at her, smiling.

"But the children, Jason! I want to save for the children. I mean... I don't want them now or anything, but eventually I want babies and I want them to grow up and go to college and be successful adults!" Raven was unable to keep the smile off of her face as she painted a picture of their very silly lives together. A few people gave her strange glances at her dramatics as they walked by.

"Children! You never told me about children. I don't know if I want children just yet, Rachel. I mean, we're still too young to be thinking about children... you know, if we can't come to an agreement on this, I might have to divorce you." He was laughing as the words fell out of his mouth, clearly enjoying the game as much as she was.

"That's what you think!" Raven pressed a hand into his chest, eyes laughing up at him. "You stupidly didn't sign a prenup. I get half of everything that's yours. So, ha. Just _try _and divorce me now. After all, my mother is a divorce attorney and she'll take you to the cleaners."

His hand closed over hers, spreading heat through her fingertips and all the way to her chest. His smile fell a little, as if seriousness was creeping into their conversation. "I don't think I could ever divorce you, Rae, I love you too much. I'll just have to make this marriage work then."

Raven swallowed hard, noting the fact that he had used his nickname for her, rather than her new, false name. Something about the intimacy of the moment made her feel like this might no longer be a game. She looked at her hand on his chest and then back into his face, realizing how close they were to each other and stepped back, dropping her hand. She forced a joking smile on her lips. "Good to know you see things from my perspective, after all, I am _always _right." She gulped down the rest of her coffee avoiding his stare. "Now, come on, we have furniture to buy, Mr. Todd."

"Right." He shook his head, and the tension vanished from the air as if it had never been there to begin with. "I've had my eye on a new set at that place a block from here. I just didn't have a reason to buy it."

"So glad that the ransack of our apartment allowed you to remedy that. At least it was good for something." Raven tossed her empty coffee cup and started down the block with him, letting their emotions fall back into what they usually were. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of what had just happened between them. She had been so close to him, enough to feel the heat of his body and smell the scent of his cologne mingling with his coffee. It would have taken just the slightest movement and she could have...

Raven shook her head, trying to block those images from her mind. He was her _partner_, her _roommate_, he was _not _someone she should even _think_ about being romantically involved with. She glanced over at him, noticing that he was lost in thought as well. Her stomach sank and she forced herself to look away from him, pretending to be interested in the window displays of various shops, but she couldn't stop the question that kept running through her mind:

_What had they just done?_

)O(

"Oh, I'm so glad you were able to pick up keys this afternoon!" A bubbly brunette wearing cat-eye glasses and clothing that looked like it belonged in _Mad Men _walked them down the hall, swinging her hands fervently as she nearly skipped in front of them.

Raven glared. No one should ever be _that _excited to work on a Sunday afternoon.

"I was worried I might have to take this apartment off the market and give it to someone else, and Mr. Todd was _so_ excited to have this particular apartment." Keys jingled from her fingertips, as she counted off the apartment numbers. "I had another couple interested in this apartment yesterday, but I guess they'll just have to miss out. You two are sure to _love _the space! I know Mr. Todd did this morning!"

Raven glanced over at Red X and raised an eyebrow. He shrugged and mouthed "she was cute", and Raven could only roll her eyes in response. Of course. It was always about a girl. The mention of _Mr. Todd_ reminded her of their _moment_ this morning, and her stomach dropped again. The rest of the afternoon had faded back into their normal routine of teasing and joking as they picked up furniture for their new apartment, but the emotions he stirred up never quite disappeared, and she was left with an alien feeling of unease clawing at her.

"Here we go. Number thirty fourteen." She slid the key into the lock and opened the door, ushering the couple into the apartment. "I had the cleaners do I quick run-through after Mr. Todd signed the paperwork this morning... we've upgraded appliances, and look, you've got a full view of Titan Tower!"

Raven swallowed hard as she saw the building across the bay. It almost looked like the building was glaring at her, as if it knew her secrets. Feeling her stomach drop she glanced up at Red X and frowned, but he just smiled down at her. It felt like he was toying with her. Did he know what she had agreed to this morning? What she had asked of Robin and his team?

"Oh. It certainly _is_ there..."

"Did you know that the view of Titan Tower is one of our most requested views? Almost no one wants to face the park." She waved her hands dramatically as she rambled off some silly stories, and then seemingly caught herself. "But listen to me prattle away! I'm sure you want to get everything settled. I think the movers said they would be here in about an hour with your furniture. Call me if you need anything!"

"Sure." Raven moved to the door and opened it. "See you later."

"Bye! Have fun moving in!" The brunette popped out the door, humming as she walked down the hallway. Raven rolled her eyes and slammed the door behind her. That girl _seriously_ needed to stop being so damn cheerful.

"She's not cute. She's _annoying_."

"Awe, is my wife jealous?" He shrugged and leaned against the kitchen island, watching Raven with a ghost of a smile on his lips. "I thought her perkiness was infectious. She was a hell of a saleswoman though."

Raven shrugged, avoiding his stare as she inspected the craftsmanship of the apartment. "That didn't mean you had to drop all that money on this apartment. You should have been more pragmatic about where we lived."

"I thought this was a good place. Three rooms, two bathrooms, laundry, nice view, upscale part of town... besides, I've become accustomed to certain types of luxury, and I didn't want to give that up." He turned and stared out of the floor-to-ceiling windows, eyes following the skyline. "And now we can see when our resident heroes are out on patrol. I figured that would help immensely when we're planning marks."

Raven rolled her eyes, but somehow managed to hide her uneasiness at his statement. Would he know when she entered the tower? Would he start to question her when she left? Her heart sunk into her stomach as she looked at the man she now considered to be her family and realized what she was doing to him. She was betraying him, it was a simple as that, and there was no way she could justify it to herself.

"I want to talk for a moment..."

Raven swallowed hard and looked up at him, keeping her face blank. "About what?"

"This afternoon..." He shuffled slightly, turning around to look through the cupboards as if he was suddenly interested in them. "I know I caused awkwardness between us, and don't tell me I didn't because I can feel it... I was just teasing and it got out of hand, and I didn't realize it until it was too late. So, I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Raven shrugged, playing off her unease. "You didn't. I knew it was a joke, it just caught me off guard..." She glanced back at him. "I don't often have people tell me they love me, so it kind of shocked me for a moment, I didn't have an answer to it."

Red X visibly winced. "Now, I feel like a jerk."

Raven forced a chuckle. "That's because you _are _a jerk, X."

"It's Jason." He finally turned around and looked at her, his own face blank. "My name. I never told it to you, but it really _is _Jason."

"You used your _real_ name as an assumed identity? Are you _crazy_?"

Jason laughed and leaned back on his heels, his dark eyes glittering at her. "Let's just say I'm pretty much dead to the world, so I don't think anyone is going to look too deeply into that." He let that enigmatic statement hang between them before he moved next to her and took her hand. "Come on, Rae... I think we've seen enough of the living room, why don't you see your new bedroom."

Raven followed him into her new room, unable to keep the smile off of her face as she saw the bed in front of her. It was heavenly. Dropping his hand she raced forward like a small child and threw herself into it's softness, barely hearing his laughter as she faded away into much needed sleep.

)O(

_I know this was just filler, but I wanted to show the dynamics between Red X and Raven. Also, I had some BEAUTIFUL Red X and Raven fan art come across my path recently from a friend and I wanted to showcase the words the art inspired... if that makes sense._

_Anyway, let me know what you think!_


	10. Chapter Nine

**What I Want  
**Chapter Nine

Raven sat next to the window in her bedroom, watching the bay and the skyline of Jump City start to fade from gray into the soft colors of dawn. Through her open door she could see Red X passed out, half of his body laying on an oversized furniture box as a set of assembly instructions dangled from between his fingertips. If no one was listening to her thoughts, she _might _admit that he looked almost... cute. She shook her head and stood up, closing the door so he couldn't see into her room, and quickly undressed.

Her mind wandered to their conversation last night, before she fell into her bed and didn't wake up until this morning. The day itself had been weird, and Raven wasn't exactly sure what to make of the things that had been said between them. What had happened outside of Saks? He had pressed so close to her, heat and emotions rolling off him like hot lava down the mountainside, that Raven couldn't think. She was so taken aback by what she felt, she didn't even have a chance to fully process it. It left her reeling, trying to sort out the jumbled mess of emotions and energies with what he was thinking and what he was trying to convey to her.

And why had he told her his real identity? They had spent all that time being perfectly civil and distant with each other, like real roommates. By introducing _honesty _into their relationship, he was breaking down those carefully constructed walls. She huffed out a breath of irritated air and pushed her apprehension to the back of her mind. He certainly didn't look like a "Jason", it seemed too plain for him, but then again, she could never tell if he was being honest or not. His emotions were always a twisted mess of feelings, and he managed to keep himself just out of reach of her powers.

Raven wiggled into her new catsuit uniform, cursing as she pulled the neoprene and kevlar up over her torso. Her old one had been ripped to shreds in the ransacking of their old apartment. What Slade's men were trying to prove to Jason by ripping up her uniform in front of him, she didn't know. Not that it was such a terrible loss, Raven was starting to outgrow the somewhat juvenile uniform, which was a high-necked leotard. It worked well when she was in her mid-teens, but now that she was approaching adulthood and her body was _changing_, it had outgrown its utility. Besides, there was something about it that made her feel childish, like a teeny-bopper at a dance recital. This new uniform at least covered her up and made her feel more like a woman and less like she should step up to a ballet barre.

Raven snapped her jeweled belt around her waist and fished through her trunk for her cloak. That was missing too. _Great. _Her cloak had been her security blanket, something she could hide behind if things became too awkward in front of her, and it had been one of the few things she had brought to this plane of existence. Well, at least she had her new uniform, that was something at the very least. Cursing under her breath, she closed the trunk and moved towards the center of the room.

She moved her hands outward, pausing as she listened to the silence that surrounded around her, feeling the movement of some of the other residents in the building. Her fingers moved just slightly, and her lips started her mantra, but she couldn't complete the spell. She closed her eyes, fighting against the painful, sinking feeling in her stomach. It felt strange, allowing herself to do this. In fact it was more than "not right", it felt downright awful. She felt the icy hands of guilt that threaded through her at the thought of betraying Jason. He was the only person she had come to understand and respect on this world, and he had offered her a home when she didn't have one. While she knew that their "family" was imperfect and dysfunctional, it was still a _family_. And that was more than she had ever had before.

Raven let her hands fall back to her sides, looking towards her closed door. He had done all of this _for her_, given her a home, bought her a new bed, replaced her uniform... and she was turning her back on him. She was running to the Titans because she needed help, and she hadn't even told Jason the truth about what was happening to her. He had shared his name and hints of his past with her, and she turned and ran off towards someone stronger because she didn't trust him. She was a lousy partner, and an even worse friend.

But still...

Raven looked out the window again, watched as the first rays of morning sun hit the gleaming glass on Titan Tower. She didn't have a choice, even if there was one to make. She knew what lurked in the dark recesses of her soul, and she knew that there was no way Jason could fight the thing inside her. He may have been strong on this plane, but he was human and he would die like everyone else. If she was going to fight the thing inside her, she was going to do it with someone who gave her a fighting chance.

"I'm sorry." Raven closed her eyes against the shame that weighed on her shoulders and finally let her mantra fall from her lips, sending her through the network of planes and portals to wind up in the living room of Titan Tower.

Beast Boy yelped and dropped his cereal bowl on the floor, sending soy milk and Lucky Charms everywhere. Grumbling a curse, he bent down to clean up the mess. His green eyes caught hers and he sighed. "Jeeze. At least warn me before you go quantum leaping, Raven. What if I was naked or something?"

"I would have died from fright." Raven stepped up to the kitchen off the Titan great room and bent down to help him clean. "Sorry about this... I wasn't thinking when I was leaving. My roommate is pretty used to me moving around like this by now..."

Beast Boy snorted. "Red X teleports just as much as you do. I don't even think he'd notice if he tried."

Raven looked away, feeling color stain her cheeks. It was hard to think about him when she was in their mortal enemies' home, using their powers to try and save herself. She stood up and dumped some of the mess in the sink, looking down at Beast Boy. "So, where is your resident bird-brain?"

He snorted again, a fanged smile peeking out between his lips. "He's throwing a holy hissy fit down in the training room. You're late, by the way. So, he's probably going to make you do extra laps this morning. Good luck with that."

Raven scoffed. "He didn't give me a time."

"Dawn is a time in his book." He shrugged. "He's lucky I'm upright this early in the morning, let alone semi-coherent." There was another pause as he eyed her carefully, and he continued their conversation. "So... what _happened _between you two yesterday? He's been in a freaking _fabulous _mood after you two talked. I mean, he's usually Mr. Grumpy Pants anyway, but now he's _extra _pissy. What did you say to him to get his panties all in a bunch?"

"Nothing! I swear!" Raven moved toward the living room door, looking desperately for an exit. She didn't want to talk about what happened between them. In fact, she didn't even want to think about it. "He was just... _brooding._"

Beast Boy crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her incredulously, obviously not buying her story. "Yeah right. He's _always _brooding, but this time it was especially sour. It was like you shoved a lemon up his ass and told him his puppy had been killed by the Joker."

Raven scowled and looked away, shoving at her hair. "Well, I _didn't_. You know, maybe if he wasn't such a goddamn aggravating twat, I wouldn't..." Lights flickered around her and the microwave door popped open as it continually dinged that nothing was done. She took a deep breath and shook her head, trying to clear her emotions before something actually blew up. It wasn't going to do her any good to fight and argue with the people who were trying to help her. She needed to learn to keep her emotions at bay, or she was going to hurt herself of other people. And _that _was something she couldn't afford right now.

"A _twat_?" Beast Boy laughed as he reached for a fresh bowl and cereal, closing the door to the microwave without drawing attention to the fact that her powers had nearly short circuited the kitchen. "I don't think I've ever heard anyone call him that... it fits."

"Well he is a twat! He's so high and mighty, sitting on his horse like he owns each of you _and _me and can tell us what we should be doing with our lives. He's a first-class pain in my neck and every time I see his face I just want to punch-" she accented the word by slamming her fist into her open palm, "-him right in the nose. He's a jerk and a bully and I don't know how you put up with him!"

"Well, for starters, they come to training on time. Which makes me considerably less irritable."

Raven felt color spread from her neck to her face, and she turned around to look right into Robin's eyes. His arms were crossed over his chest and he stared down at her, scowling. How had she let him sneak up on her? Had she become so used to his presence that she didn't even feel the push and pull of his emotional energy anymore? It was for _this_ reason that she wished she had her cloak.

"I..."

"Are you done? We've got work to do." He turned on his heel and walked out the door.

Raven glanced over her shoulder at Beast Boy, who was looking unusually pale for being green. He mouthed the words: "I'm sorry" and backed away from her as if she had a death curse looming over her head like a rain cloud.

_Great_. This was _just_ what she needed.

She walked out of the living room to the dark hallway, following the sound of footsteps down toward the end of the hall. The sound stopped and she could feel him turning to look at her, face and emotions blank. He waited for her to approach him and then punched open the elevator.

"I have set up a mixed training simulation for you that stretches across physical boundaries and ones that deal specifically with your powers. I'm not entirely sure what your powers and the results of your powers will do, and I need to understand that before we approach the situation with Trigon. I am having Starfire and Cyborg running intel right now so that we can fully equip ourselves with any and all knowledge available, and Beast Boy is sniffing around the city for any clues as to a physical location for both Slade and Brother Blood... though I doubt he'll come up with anything. Slade's been eluding me for over a year." He glanced down at her, face still blank. "And _you're_ going to run through the simulation _twice _for being late."

Raven winced. "I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"I don't care," he interjected, staring down at her. His stare was cold behind his mask, and his emotions moved just out of reach of her powers. Something thick and dark moved over him, something that felt like pain. "You made it perfectly clear yesterday that you wanted nothing to do with us as a team. You came here requesting our help, and I promised to help. But understand, Raven, that I am _only_ here to save the rest of the world, _not _you personally. I don't care what happens to you after we stop Slade and Brother Blood. If you go back to being a criminal or good or whatever, I do not care. Are we clear?"

"Crystal." Raven nodded, color draining from her face as his words reached through the space between them and choked the air from her lungs. She knew she shouldn't have been surprised at his words. Their argument yesterday had been heated and tense, and they had both said things that they might not have necessarily have said otherwise, but she never imagined that things would be like _this_. Robin had been patient with her for the past few days, trying to coax her into a better relationship with him and his team, but she resisted. Maybe their last fight was the last, metaphorical straw.

"Good." A muscle in his jaw ticked and he looked away.

Silence filled the small room until the doors slid open and Robin walked from the elevator into a large hall. Various types of machines lined the walls, each looking more sinister than the next, and the rest of the hall was filled with different obstacles, including a twenty foot wall, guns with paint markers, and several training robots in idle mode toward the end. Raven winced at the thought of having to push her way through all of this. She watched as Robin took his place in a small booth tucked in a corner of the hall towards the beginning of the course. Raven followed him to the booth, leaning against the door frame and watching his fingers move over the controls. He didn't even look up at her.

"Get in position, Raven."

She sighed and pushed herself to a standing position. "Aren't you even going to let me apologize?"

"There's no need." He glanced out of the side of his vision before turning back to the controls. His emotions swirled and twisted until he managed to reign them back under control and out of reach of Raven's powers. "You spoke your mind. You think I'm a first-class pain in the neck... and a _twat_. What more is there to say?"

"I..." Raven rolled her eyes and stepped back, out of the small space. "You're insufferable. You know maybe I would have more respect for you if you weren't always trying to boss me around."

"And maybe I would be more patient with you if you paid attention to what I said once in a while. But I guess we can't always get what we want, can we? Now, shut up and get into position." He slammed a large red button and the countdown began over the speakers. "Move it."

Cursing under her breath, Raven moved to the starting line, digging deep into her psyche to find her center of calm. Frustration and panic shot through her. There was nothing there, more like slashes and snippets of something that might have resembled serenity once. She took a deep breath and shook her head of her fear. It wasn't like she expected to be perfectly calm and centered through all of this. Between the events that happened yesterday and the day before, the guilt that ransacked her body at the thought of betraying Jason, and now this _stupid _fight with Robin, she was more amazed that something _hadn't_ blown up yet. She bit back another curse and debated on telling Robin to stop the obstacle course, but part of her knew he would tell her tough tits, and another part of her _really _wanted to blow something up.

"Four."

Raven slid down onto her haunches, steadying her weight like a runner's on her fingertips.

"Three."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, hoping her emotions would hold out just a little longer.

"Two."

Muscles bunched like tightly wrapped cords, waiting to be released.

"One. Go."

Pushing herself forward, Raven felt her feet move on the ground like an acrobat climbing to the top of his show piece. It felt warm and familiar, as if she was doing all of this with Red X. Her powers sunk into her bones, giving her the needed energy to sink into battle mode. Sending her energy out around her, she felt (rather than saw) two of the guns turn to her, readying the paint markers. She had to avoid being hit, but she knew she couldn't hold a shield against them forever. Raven let go of her soul-self and sent it into the closest gun, turning the machine towards the other one. It hit, and the paint was enough to mark the gun, shutting it down. The one she had control of snapped and popped around her, sending Raven back into her body.

"You're losing speed. Catch up."

Raven's steps faltered as she heard the cool sound of Robin's voice over the speakers. What in the world did he think she was doing? Trying to play games? She needed his help to stop Trigon, and if she had to run through this _stupid_ course to get it, then so be it. But, he didn't have to be a jerk about it though.

She ran forward to a mock-bomb, looking down into its components like she was trying to decipher quantum physics. Damnit. This wasn't her expertise. This would have been something for Robin or Cyborg or Red X. Raven would have never let herself come into a situation where she had to diffuse a bomb without help. Didn't Robin realize that?

"Move, Raven."

She muttered a few choice words and ripped into the compartment of the bomb, looking at the forest of multi-colored wires that waved up at her. Red or blue? Which was attached to the detonation device? To the clock? Was there a clock? Was it a pressure sensitive bomb or a time-based? Fuck. She had no clue. Her eyes ran over the circuitry, and she picked the red wire, pulling it off with the same speed someone might use with a band-aid.

Tick. Tick. POOF.

Paint sprayed everywhere, marking her new uniform and her face with blue paint. Double fuck. _That _was a total bust. She threw the remnants of the mock bomb down onto the cement, triggering a second release of blue paint. It hissed and sprayed against her back as she moved forward towards the thirty foot wall in the middle of the room.

Darkness covered her vision for a moment before something in her chest tightened, and Raven felt her skin twist and move, as if heat was trying to escape, like in a pressure cooker. Her feet stumbled for a moment and she had to levitate herself a few inches to avoid tripping over herself. What was this? Pain ripped through her lower back, but she pushed forward, ignoring whatever was clawing at her.

"Move it, Raven."

"You can _stop_ yelling at me any time!" She dismantled another marker gun, but this time using more force than finesse. It sparked around her powers and she threw the cracked and split pieces in the general direction of the control booth. "I am doing _just fine_."

"You're slowing down. Stop talking."

"Stop _goading_ me!"

The wall loomed ahead of her and she flew up the side with ease, balancing on the three-foot ledge at the top as she surveyed the rest of the course. Two more guns were taking aim, and there was one practice robot that was gearing up, flailing its arms at her. Raven moved closer to the robot, letting the guns follow her movement.

Step. Step. Shoot.

She phased down through the wall, listening to the "thunk thunk" as the paint markers hit the robot. Coming back up to the ledge, she picked up the robot with her powers and slung it at the first marker gun before tossing it at the second. The back of the wall was curved and angled and she slid down the edge of it, dodging more paint markers as she moved. _Goddess! Who in the name of Azar did he design this course for? Superman?_

The heat on her back now raced through her arms, twisting and turning like molten vines just below the surface of her skin. She bit back a scream of pain and pushed forward, holding onto the last few dregs of her serenity. She _would not_ lose to this course, and she _certainly_ wouldn't lose to Robin.

Reaching the edge of the edge of the platform, she expected to move right into the battle with the robots idling on the other side. But, her body connected with something hard, warm, electrified... and invisible. She turned and glared at him through the wall blocking her line of sight.

"A _forcefield_?"

"You're losing time."

"You're gonna lose a testicle if you make me do this again!" Raven moved to the edge of the course, seeing a control panel lined up in the wall. A gun marked the back of her left leg and she cursed, turning around and yanking the machine off the far wall. She threw it into the forcefield, hearing the energy pop and sizzle as it connected with the charged atoms. Of all the things he could have thrown at her!

Raven knew that Robin would want her to try and disarm the control panel or short-circuit the components, but he could see just how well that strategy worked for the bomb. Growling low in her throat, she yanked the gun above her head off the wall with her powers and slammed the machinery into the control panel. It popped and fizzled once, but the forcefield still held. _You have _got _to be kidding me! _She slammed the gun against it again, and this time the control panel finally lost power, bringing down the forcefield.

Six robots switched from idle to attack, and moved into formation. Raven tried to keep track of all of them, but her vision was blurring and it was hard to see the individual movements of the robots through the haze darkening her eyesight. She was heaving now, gasping for breath as pain wracked her body. Every step felt like torture, and every thought sent needles down her spine. She needed to stop, needed to recollect herself, but she couldn't lose. Not to Robin. Not to this course. Not to _anybody_.

She stepped forward, barely seeing two human-shaped dummies propped up against the wall behind the row of robots. _Great_,_ now I have hostages_.

"Come on, Raven. If those dummies get marked, I will make you do this course two more times."

Raven wanted to shout back at him, to give him an unadulterated piece of her mind, but her jaw was squeezed to tight. It was just as well, she was almost certain that she would have thrown every single one of these robots at the control booth and then lit it on fire. She jumped forward, using her energies to wrap around the first robot she saw and hurling it towards the others.

Another robot moved closer, and something inside her snapped. Rage lashed out of her soul like lightning, and Raven swore her body moved as if it had a life of it's own. Her fists moved, her fingers waved, her mouth said words and incantations she didn't even know she knew. One down. Two. Three. Four and Five.

Number six moved toward her, arms stretched out reaching for her. Raven moved again, sending her fist wrapped in her soul's energy through its chest cavity. It hissed and popped before shutting down, offering a moment of reprieve for a moment. A second passed, and a number flashed across the LED panel on its head.

"Five."

What in the...? The robots were _bombs_? What in the hell?

"Four."

Two more robots guarded the dummy hostages, and Raven raced forward, arms outstretched to connect with their flimsy bodies. She moved as if something was pulling her strings. Fast and sharp, like this had been her sole purpose in life. The two robots left their posts and came to intercept her. Energy flew from her fingertips and she screamed in a language that she didn't even know. Power lashed crom her again, spearing down the first robot.

"Three."

Her arms wrapped around the torsos of both of the victims.

"Two"

The second robot reached out, its claw connecting with the side of her face. Her vision darkened again, sending her soul into a place she did not recognize. Blood dripped from a gash on her head and she screamed in pain, automatically flinging one of the dummies as a weapon at the robot. It connected, sending the last and final robot into the wall with a crack, and sand spilled from the hostage onto the floor.

"One."

The robot exploded, coating Raven and the second hostage in blue paint, but she didn't notice. Her hands were buried into the first hostage's chest, screaming and shouting as she ripped sand from its body. Claws exploded from her fingertips and shredded the thick canvas, digging deep into the sand as if it were nothing more than a cheap, stuffed toy.

"_Trigon must rise. The jewel must be used. The portal must be opened._"

"Raven!" She hadn't heard his footsteps approaching, but she felt him coming closer.

_"Trigon must rise. The jewel must be used. The-_"

"Stop! Raven, stop!" Robin's arms wrapped around her body and he pulled her against him. She struggled against his hold, screaming like a wild animal as she thrashed and moved. They must die. They must perish. They were not victims, they were trophies! Her teeth sunk into his bicep, biting into his flesh and pulling. Blood filled her mouth, and the tangy, coppery taste brought her senses back to a sharp point.

She stared at her own arms, seeing the outline of the birthmark even through the bulletproof kevlar. What had she done? What had she let loose? Her emotions had... she couldn't even understand what her emotions had done. She turned in Robin's arms, staring up into his masked face, and saw the fear in his eyes. He was frightened of her, frightened of what she showed him. Gasping for breath, she collapsed onto the floor holding her head in hands.

With nothing more to hide from him, Raven let herself cry.

)O(

_So… that happened.  
Anyway, let me know what you think. I know action sequences aren't exactly my thing, but I gave it my best shot. _


	11. Chapter Ten

**What I Want  
**Chapter Ten

)O(

The silence in the medical ward was damn near tangible. It felt thick and harsh, like unkempt wool scratching against Robin's skin. Raven's small hands moved over the bite mark she had given him, and she attempted to try and bandage her mistake and her flaws. Robin noticed that she hadn't made eye-contact with him since the training room. Not that he blamed her, he could barely look at her himself. In spite of yesterday's valiant words about trying to help her and not caring that she was a demon or bad, the truth was that she frightened him.

Scratch that, she scared the living shit out of him.

Seeing what she had done in the training course... he winced and looked away from her, trying to block the images from his mind. The way she tore into those human analogs like they were cheaply made toys, it shook him deep into his bones. What would have happened if they had been real people? Is this what he was up against? He knew that she was half-demon, but he clearly didn't know what that entailed.

"Sorry... I'm not very good at this."

Raven's soft voice startled him from his thoughts and he looked down at her handiwork on his body. Messy, loose bandages wrapped around his arm and fought the urge to roll his eyes. Great. He was going to have to have Cyborg fix it later.

"It's okay. If it's any consolation, I'm not that good at field dressings either." He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but knew it fell flat. How could he focus on anything other than that scene? Really, there was nothing in the world that could make him forget what happened. He swallowed and tried to wipe the image of her glowing eyes from his mind, the raspy voice that sounded... _demonic_, the prophecy that spilled from her lips. He winced again and sighed, watching her fingers finish his dressings.

"Are we going to talk about this?"

"About what?" Raven wrapped the gauze around his arm and secured it with medical tape. She gave a half-hearted shrug, feigning apathy about their situation. "About what you saw? What is there to talk about? You saw who I am. You saw what I am to become. You saw exactly what you needed to see, Robin. You saw the truth. What is there to talk about other than the fact that you saw proof of my heritage?"

"Is that all?" His voice trembled slightly. "Is that all there is to you?"

Pain flashed across her face for a split second before disappearing into the shadows. "Are you asking me if I am just a demon? That this is all there is to me?"

"No." She shifted uncomfortably under her stare. What _was _he trying to ask? "I am asking if there is more to you than what I saw. Are there more secrets that you're keeping from me?" That sounded harsh, even to his own ears. He knew that this wasn't her fault, that was why she had come to them in the first place, but she was so adept at keeping things from him that he wasn't sure if he trusted her entirely just yet.

"That's all there is to me." She slammed the lid of the first aid kit closed, her lips pursed as if she were fighting something inside her. "I am not hiding anything more from you. You saw what you needed to."

He reached out for her, trying to explain himself. "I didn't mean to-"

"Well, you did." She cut him off and glared, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "You're right, Robin. I am just a demon, here to take over the world. I am not a person or even part human. Just a demon."

"That's not what I…" He trailed off and looked up at her hovering above him as he sat on the edge of the exam table. She _was _human. He had to remember that. Behind her monotone voice and dark eyes, he saw true fear flickering inside her, like a candle on its last dregs of paraffin. It hissed and sputtered as it tried to extinguish itself, but it wouldn't go out. She was scared, and seeing it inside her was a reminder to Robin that whatever was happening to her frightened her as much as it frightened him.

But most of all, it reminded him that she wasn't a monster.

It reminded him that she was still human.

His fingers wrapped around her wrist, stilling her body. He felt the rapid thump of her pulse under his touch, and felt his own heart try to keep time with hers. "You don't have anything to be ashamed of, Raven."

She raised an eyebrow and pulled her hand out of his grasp. "I beg to differ." She moved to the other side of the room, putting the first aid kit back on the shelf where she found it. Her eyes still refused to meet his, and he could feel the guilt and shame radiating off of her as if it were smoke to a fire. "You saw the side of me that I don't even show to those that are closest to me. You saw a part of me that I _am _ashamed of. The part of me that I cannot control, the part of me that is dark and primordial." There was long pause before she finally looked at him. "The part of me that is a demon."

"But you're not solely a demon."

"You just asked if I was." Her eyes flashed. "You asked if that was all there was to me."

Robin winced. She was right. He hadn't meant it that way, or maybe he had. He wasn't sure. He felt like his entire perfectly organized world was caught in a tailspin, and he had no idea how to pull himself out of it. She had openly told his entire team what she was and what was going to happen, but he hadn't really thought about the severity of it until now. He hadn't fully addressed the situation until this exact moment, and he realized that he had _no idea_ how to handle the fact that Raven _was _a demon, and she _was_ going to destroy the world. But he knew that blaming her for her heritage was not the way to deal with anything.

Robin watched her move around the room, his eyes following the blue streaks of paint sliding down her body that she hadn't bothered to clean up yet. His heart twisted strangely inside his chest. She looked utterly dejected, as if showing her true self to him suddenly changed his devotion in saving her. And, as her hands moved to wipe blue paint from her face, he had the sudden realization that it didn't. His mind flashed back to all the terrible things she had done, all the heists she had pulled, the demon living inside her, and came to the conclusion that no matter what, he would save her.

And, God help him, he felt like an idiot admitting that to himself.

"I'm sorry."

She looked up at him, eyes wide. "What?"

"I'm sorry, for what I said. I didn't mean to insult you, and I don't want you to think that this changes anything I promised." He met her eyes. "Raven, you came to us to help you with this. You came to us to try and protect you. To try and stop this, and that is what we -what _I_- intend on doing. It doesn't matter who or what you are, the fact of the matter is that I gave you my word that I would do whatever it took to stop this and to protect you."

Her expression turned somewhat critical of him. "You sound so much like you've gotten this figured out."

"I don't." He shrugged, standing up off the examination table and reaching for his shirt behind him. "Not in the slightest. I won't lie, you scare the _shit _out of me. You're dark and unknown, and you are, without a doubt, an x-factor. I don't know how you're going to react in _any_ situation, and I certainly don't know what will happen between you and me and the team, but you are still a human. You are still _good_, and that deserves my help more than any other silly spiel you can spout off."

Raven crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him. "So, now what? We just continue going through these motions until I actually break? Until something in your tower destroys itself? Or until Trigon actually uses me as a portal?"

"No." He stared down at his shirt, still in his hands, and shrugged. "Now, you go borrow a change of clothes from Starfire and we go out and have coffee and maybe some lunch." He waited a moment before adding, "We've known of each other for a few weeks now. I think it's time we actually tried to _get to know_ each other."

The tension was tangible in the room. "You can't be serious."

"I am."

"Going out and having lunch isn't going to change anything." She backed up slightly, her eyes roaming his face. "It's not going to change what I am, it's not going to wipe away the sins I committed, and it's certainly not going to change what happened on the training course. There is no point in it."

"You're right, it's not going to change anything. But there _is_ a point to it, you and I know absolutely _nothing_ about each other." He forced a small laugh and approached her slowly, like he would a frightened animal. "We haven't exactly been in the position to try and get to know each other anyway. If we're going to work together and if you want me to trust you fully, I think it's necessary for us to get to know who we are as people and as teammates." He paused for a moment before continuing. "And, contrary to what my teammates tell you, I'm actually not always a super serious twat."

He watched color flood her face and she looked away, embarrassed. "I _am_ sorry for what I said… I didn't mean it."

"I know." He chuckled. "I'm also not exactly the best person to work for either, so I don't blame you for what you said. You should hear the things Cyborg and Beast Boy call me, and I'm sure Starfire is no different, but I don't speak Tameranian, so I pretend not to hear them. Names are nothing new to me..." He rubbed the back of his head and looked away, feeling sheepish. "But I won't lie… it kind of hurt to hear those things from you."

"Oh." Raven glanced around her, as if looking for an escape route from his sudden proximity. "Look, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I don't think that going out and socializing is _really_ what we need right now. I think what we really need to consider is-"

"Humor me." He cut her off, staring at her until her mouth shut in defeat. "Star should be back by now." He pulled his shirt on over his head and tried to smile at her, but knew that she probably didn't buy his reserved kindness. He wasn't even sure if _he _bought his reserved kindness, but this was something they both needed right now, even if they didn't admit to it. "Why don't you get cleaned up and then we can go and grab lunch?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. There was a long pause as she muttered curses under her breath and tapped her foot, as if she was trying to keep her anger under control. "You're not going to let me go unless I agree to this stupid idea, are you?"

He smiled. "Nope."

"_Fine_." She stepped up to him and poked a finger into his chest, standing on her tip toes to look into his eyes. "But I will not enjoy a single second of it."

"I never expected you to."

)O(

Raven felt silly standing in her underwear in Starfire's room as the overzealous alien attempted to find something that would fit her. Raven't wet hair clung to her cheeks and neck as she glanced around the disgustingly pink room, looking at pictures of boy bands and photographs of team outings. The team was always smiling, always laughing, and they looked so tight-knit and close, that Raven wondered if she would ever be able to fit into their group. Or if there was even a point in trying.

Ugh. Why did she agree to this? She should have punched him in the face and walked out the front door, heading back home. She could have ordered take-out and sat on the sofa as Jason tried to desperately figure out how to put together an Ikea entertainment stand. That would most certainly be entertainment for an entire afternoon.

Thinking about Jason made her stomach twist just a little.

She picked at some lint on Starfire's very pink comforter, letting her mind wander as she considered what she was doing. Her roommate usually didn't question her when she left, and he almost never asked where she was, so Raven never had to worry about him being suspicious. But the guilt still ate at her like acid, and she began to wonder how she would ever manage to look at him and not feel like she was betraying him. This was everything he hated about the Titans, and she was just going along with it.

"Ah! Here!" Starfire's chipper voice pulled Raven from her thoughts.

"I know I must have had some suitable clothing, however I did not realize that it was so hard to find." She pulled out a skirt and a top and dropped them on the bed, next to Raven. "I apologize greatly, Raven, but you are much shorter than I am and I do not have any jeans that would be suitable to your height. However, I did manage to find a skirt and t-shirt that would be most becoming on you."

Without waiting for an invitation, Starfire yanked the black t-shirt over Raven's head and pulled on the jean skirt over her legs. She stepped back to admire her handiwork with a grin. "Ah! Most agreeable! You have donned the appropriate wear for an outing..." Her eyes brightened suddenly and she jumped on the bed next to her new friend, eyes wide with excitement. "Is this, perhaps, a… _date_?"

Raven pulled back, surprised that Starfire had even ventured there. "Excuse me?"

"Well…" Starfire reeled in her emotions and folded her hands in her lap, but Raven could see her body twitching as if she was about to explode in a shower of emotion. "Robin is not exactly known for venturing outside of the tower unless there is a battle or we - as Cyborg puts it - drag his ass out of his office to eat." She fidgeted for a moment before looking back at Raven. "Robin is somewhat reclusive, and spends most of his free time training or investigating Slade. To have him request a solitary outing with anyone is quite rare, to have him request a solitary outing with someone of the opposite sex is simply nonexistent."

Color filled Raven's cheeks and she pulled back even more, so that she had almost fallen off the bed. "I certainly _hope_ this isn't a date. I just wanted lunch. That's it. End of story." She paused. "In fact, I don't even _want_ lunch, he's making me go out to fulfill… whatever it is that he had knocking around in his head."

Starfire's lips squished together as if she was trying to keep from smiling, and she nodded. "Ah. I see. Well, perhaps I am mistaken, however I do hope you and Robin enjoy your outing just the same."

Raven fought against the urge to roll her eyes and moved toward the door, seeking an escape route before Starfire decided that more bonding was in order. "It's just lunch, nothing worth scoffing at. So, please don't turn this into something it's not."

"Mm." Starfire sat on the bed and watched her move, her smile starting to peek through. "I see. I will not think of this as a date anymore."

Raven threw open the door, only to be greeted with Robin's face. His hand was raised as if he was going to knock on Starfire's door. Raven stared up at him, a blush spreading across her cheeks as she stepped back. This wasn't a date. This was just Robin being as annoying as humanly possible.

He looked down and her and gave a low whistle. "Wow. You clean up pretty good."

She glared and pushed past him into the hallway. "Not funny." Ignoring the musical chuckle from Starfire, she moved toward the exit at the far end of the hall, feeling him follow her. "Let's just get this over with so we can go back to doing something more productive with our time, like training or researching Slade, rather than eating sandwiches and drinking coffee."

"I don't know," he teased as he chased her down the hall. "I think this seems like a productive use of our time. At least we managed to get out of the tower and go have fun…" He paused at that thought, and there was a long, slow silence that flowed between them.

Raven glanced over her shoulder at Robin and examined his thoughtful expression. "What?"

"Do you even _have _fun?" He laughed as she stopped in the hallway and continued to at him. He nudged her gently, obviously falling back into his normal routine of invading her personal space. "Awe, come one, Rae. I was only teasing."

Color filled her face and she stepped back, trying to keep shock from showing on her face. "_Rae_?"

His own cheeks turned red as he realized what he had said, and he looked away rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Sorry."

Raven stepped up to him and poked a finger into his chest. "My name is _Raven_, Robin. I don't _have_ a nickname, and I certainly don't appreciate being teased. Just try to remember that, or next time I will _actually_ inflict harm." She turned back around and headed for the exit again, trying to ignore the strange jump in her heart. "Now, let's get this over with."

He walked down the hall behind her, and Raven could feel the push of his emotions. The tiny bit of regret he felt at teasing her, the surprise that she _hadn't _attempted to remove his head from his shoulders, but most of all, Raven felt the overwhelming sensation of excitement and nervousness at being around her. His insides were jumpy and confused, and sometimes his emotions were so violent that it pulled at Raven's powers, which confused her to no extent. Why in the world was he so excited? What would have made him pull at her emotions like this when he hadn't had this dynamic on an effect on her in the past.

And then the realization hit her like a truck filled with explosives: this _was _a date.

Whether it was explicitly expressed between the two of them or not didn't seem to be the issue. Robin had all the telltale markers that this was a date: civilian clothes, sunglasses instead of a mask, and (why, god, why) _cologne._ Raven felt panic rise into her throat as she fidgeted with the hem of the skirt Starfire had lent her, trying to pull it down farther.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression."

He looked down at her, an eyebrow peeking over his sunglasses. "About what?"

"This isn't a… a… date, right?"

"_This_?" He snorted. "No." He continued to stare at her, confusion lining his eyes. "Like I said, Raven, you and I haven't exactly been in a place where we could actually learn about each other. All we're doing is trying to figure each other out. That's it. I can invite the rest of the team if you want, but they've been up since before dawn doing some legwork...I just thought I might give them some time off."

"Okay." Raven breathed a sigh of relief and let herself relax. She should handle that explanation. She could handle a lot of things, pulling a heist, saving innocent citizens from a fire, taking a thirty-foot fall off a yacht… but certainly not thinking she was on a date. Dates didn't happen, and she was _fine _with that.

"So, where did you want to go?"

Raven jerked back in surprise. "I don't _want_ to go anywhere, you're dragging me."

He laughed as they stepped into the garage. "Okay, okay. You have a point. I'll pick." He handed her a helmet off his bike and smiled. "Hop on."

She stared at him, her face blank.

He couldn't be serious.

He could_ not_ be serious.

"I am _not_ getting on that death machine."

"This is a bike. It's perfectly safe."

Raven took a step back and shook her head, holding her hands out in front of her as if they were some kind of defensive barrier. "Nope. No way. I've seen the news footage of you driving through town. It's like a mixture of Evel Knievel and drag racing. I'd rather walk and be safe, than ride with you and offer my life as forfeit."

"Trust me."

"No."

"Too bad."

He grabbed her wrist and tugged on her body, pulling her over to the bike. Raven cursed up a storm, fighting him every step of the way until he pushed the helmet on her head and grinned. He was going to die after all this was over. Raven wasn't sure how or when, but he was going to die.

Robin sat on the bike and pulled her along with him, and without warning, took off into the early afternoon sun.

)O(

_I know this wasn't a particularly amazing or excited update, but I promise that there will be considerably more action and drama in the next chapter.  
Also, it will be longer._

_Anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	12. Chapter Eleven

**What I Want  
**Chapter Eleven

)O(

Raven glared at Robin from over the edge of her menu, trying to decipher _precisely_ what some of the fancy French terms were. Dear goddess, she should have known that he would have dragged her out to some pretentious cafe in a swank neighborhood, far from the typical, normal life (and food) she really wanted: like a boring cheese burger and fries.

"You didn't have to do that, you know."

He tried to look innocent, and returned to his own menu, hiding a smirk. "Do what?"

"You know what." Raven put her menu down and stared at him, pursing her lips. "You tried to give me a heart attack with your driving."

He leaned back in his chair and chuckled. "My driving is perfectly safe."

"No, it's not. Your driving is going to kill you some day, and I hope I'm there to see it, just so I can say 'I told you so.'"

"Awe come on, Raven. You're still in one piece."

"I hate that that is your excuse. You are insufferable." She sighed and continued to stare at him before leaning back in her own chair, sipping on her iced tea. His lips held the slightest signs of a smile, and he tried so hard to try and keep a straight face around her. Really, all that did was make his personality even worse. It was like he had learned in just a few short days how to push every one of her buttons to make her want to kill him, and she was so tempted to. One of these days she was going to wipe his smirk right off of his face with a punch to the gut.

"Well, _you_ wanted to talk… let's talk."

"Okay." He shrugged. "What do you want to talk about?"

She hissed out breath between her teeth and tried to ignore the way their water glasses rattled with the force of her powers. "How about we talk about how annoying you are?"

He just laughed at her. "Annoying? I've been told that before."

"Maybe you should pay attention when someone says it then." The rest of her simmering remarks were cut short as the waiter returned to the table to take their orders. Raven was stuck ordering a salad, and she desperately wished it would magically turn into a cheese burger. A minute passed and the waiter wandered away, leaving the two of them alone again.

Raven's eyes narrowed at her companion and she growled. "Look, _you_ made me come out here so we could talk. Not so we can just stare at each other eating fancy French food."

"We _are_ talking." He sighed again and continued to look at her, his smirk being replaced by a slow-moving frown. "I asked you out to _talk_, not to discuss battle strategies or to have you give me your life's story. I wanted to get to know you, Raven. Not to try and put you behind glass and study you." He eyed her for a moment. "You keep thinking that I'm trying to dissect you or turn you into some kind of freak, but the truth is I just want to _know_ you. Is that such a hard thing to imagine?"

Raven felt a surge of guilt and she looked away, staring out the window into the street. Minutes passed before she had the courage to respond. "Yes. To be truthfully honest." She tapped her fingers on the table and sighed. "I _am _kind of a freak, Robin… and in that freakiness I haven't exactly had a whole lot of people who understand or trust me. So, I'm cautious, and you can't fault me for that."

"Considering who my friends are… no, I can't. I've seen first-hand what happens when someone is different. But that doesn't mean you have to shut me out either, Raven." He shrugged, his face betraying none of his thoughts. "I'm just trying to be friends."

"I don't have friends."

He shrugged again. "Well, you do now."

Raven groaned and glanced back at him. "I don't know why I agreed to this."

"You can go any time. Just say the word and we'll leave."

"I don't get you." Raven sighed and pushed her hair out of her face, staring into his electric blue eyes with something akin to indignation. Her fingers ran over the pattern on the silverware in a nervous tick. "You sit here and tell me that I am free to move as I like, but guilt me with what is happening to me, and I am not fooled by your brave speech about protecting me. You're frightened of me, and I know that. I just don't understand why you're so damn adamant on trying to be friends with me."

"Because you're a _person_." Robin returned her stare with a cold one of his own. "You're strong and powerful, and you're right, I _am _afraid of you. But that doesn't mean I _have _to be. I asked you out so we can learn about each other more, and so we can be better teammates."

"We're not even _bad_ teammates…" Raven lifted an eyebrow. "In fact, we're not even teammates." She shook her head and glared at her tea, trying to get herself under control. "This was a stupid idea. I should go home."

"But you're not."

"But I should."

"Maybe." His voice was soft, and even in the noise of the restaurant, Raven could hear him mumble: "But I want you to stay."

She leaned back in her chair and heaved a sigh. "I'll stay for lunch. And then I'm going back to the tower, picking up my things and leaving. I have a life outside of the Titans, and I want to live it. You know, before I destroy it."

Her humor seemed to be lost on Robin and he rolled his eyes. "You're not going to destroy the world, Raven. We're going to stop this, and we're going to stop your father."

Raven rubbed her forehead, wishing her headache would go away. "I want to have faith in you and I want this to succeed, but you have to approach this with some amount of realism. We may not win, and we may not succeed. You have to realize that you are caught up in a war that you don't understand and a war that will affect the _entire_ dimension." She looked up into his eyes and saw his thoughts still as her hushed words drifted over them. His rapt attention gave her the courage she needed to continue.

"This is more dangerous than anything you have ever faced before. It's not as if you're fighting me or Red X, or even one of your thousands of other baddies that you're so fond of beating. You are fighting a demon that has no fears, no weaknesses, and no true enemies in this dimension. What you are doing with me, what we are trying to do as a _team_ - as you so kindly put it - is fight something that cannot be beaten."

"But we're going to fight him anyway." Robin crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her, his expression blank and unreadable. It was as if she were some kind of equation that he just couldn't _quite _figure out yet, but was determined to find the answer. "We're going to fight because we won't give up. And you won't give up either."

Raven seethed, frustrated he wasn't listening to her. "And how do you know that?"

"Because you came to us for help, Raven." He blinked, surprised by her question. "You reached out to us, you pleaded with us - with me - for our help. We're not going to simply ignore you or give up because something is too hard or looks impossible. We're going to keep trying to achieve what we set out to do. You should know at least that by now."

Raven stared at him, feeling a blush curl up her neck at his words. He really was trying to look out and save her and the rest of the world. Nothing mattered but his staunch determination and drive to succeed and win. He had such unshakable faith in Raven that it almost frightened her. He was so driven, but how could he expect her to keep hoping even when there was no hope left?

"I'm sorry, Robin. I can't do this. I have to go." She stood up and reached for her things left next to her chair. Her chest felt tight and stretched, as if someone had wrapped a never-ending rubber band around her chest, squeezing the air from her lungs. "This is all too much. Slade, Brother Blood, that stupid training course today… I shouldn't have agreed to this. I should have just..."

"Just what? Let the world burn?"

That was low. She looked up into his eyes, knowing her own fear and reservation shined through them like a beacon. He would be drawn to that, obsessed by trying to help her, and she would be forced to let him try. She would let him save her, because she was powerless to stop him. She had no one to blame but herself. It was all her fault for dragging the Titans into her problems.

"Raven." His hand wrapped around her wrist and he stopped her retreat with just that touch. "Raven, this isn't your fault. No one blames you."

"_I_ blame me, and that's enough." She started for the door again, tripping a little in Starfire's oversized shoes. "I'll see you again soon."

She heard him call for her again, but pretended not to notice. He was wrong; this was her fault. If she had just controlled herself, if she had just _ended _it all, she would not have to fear what she put the rest of the world through. She wouldn't have to think about her father coming to claim the entire universe as his own, she wouldn't have to think about potentially hurting the ones she loved and cared for, and she wouldn't be running away from those who were just trying to help her. If she had just tried harder or made different choices… maybe this would have never happened.

But it was a fool's dream. This _was_ happening, and Raven was powerless to stop it.

)O(

Robin watched her go, a sinking feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach. He pushed at his hair and leaned back in his chair, wishing he had the nerve to follow her. But he couldn't do that, not yet anyway. No, she needed time alone and to herself. Raven needed time to seriously think about what she was doing. Evenmoreso, she needed time to heal from what happened today. She was angry, confused, and hurt, and he couldn't blame her. He had just witnessed the destruction and devastation that was hiding inside her, and it frightened even him. She was dangerous, but at the same time, he also knew she needed his help, and he couldn't give up on her just yet.

"Hey."

Robin looked up as a body plopped down in the chair next to him, sunglasses shading the stranger's eyes. He looked over the man, who couldn't have been much older than himself, with some amount of reservation. Where in the world did he think that busting into someone's personal space and solitude was an acceptable social move?

"Can I help you?" Robin glared in shock at the audacity of the stranger.

"Maybe." He shrugged and draped an arm casually over the back of the chair he was sitting in. "That depends."

Robin's lips pursed, but he made no move to shoo the stranger away. Something about the stranger felt almost _familiar_, as if he had met him before. "Depends on what?"

"On what exactly you have to do with that woman?"

"What do I have with her?" Robin felt his blood boil a bit at the question, his eyes flitting over the tell-tale signs of the person. The curve on his shoulder, the tilt to his head, the casual lilt at the end of his voice. He _did_ know this person, but from where…? "I don't see how my _private_ conversation and interests have anything to do with you."

He smiled. "Call me a concerned friend."

"Oh?" Robin unconsciously reached for his knife next to his place setting. "And how do you know her?"

He continued to smile, but said nothing.

The pieces fell into place and Robin's hands gripped the knife tightly between his fingers. "You can't be… R-"

"Careful now, Bird Boy." He cut him off with a click of his tongue and a shake of his head. "We don't want to have you jumping to conclusions."

"Why are you here?" He looked around at the rest of the patrons, completely unaware that they were dining with a renowned thief and a hero who lived in the T-shaped monstrosity in the middle of the bay. He screwed his jaw shut and continued to glare at Red X, knowing it was him. Who else could it have been? "How do you know who I am?"

"Call it a family secret." He dismissed Robin easily, smiling up at the confused waiter bringing their meals. He glanced from Red X to Robin and back again, walking away with a shrug. Red X chuckled and picked at Raven's salad with dismay. "Didn't know she was so prone to eating rabbit food."

"I don't know why you're here." Robin could feel his blood pressure going through the roof, and his fingers couldn't hit the panic button on his communicator hard enough. Red X was taunting him, and it was a terrible mistake right now. "What do you want?"

"For right now? A truce." He pushed Raven's salad away from him and leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table, as if he was gazing longingly into Robin's eyes. A group of girls at the next table over giggled at them before returning to their food. Robin growled. Cheeky bastard.

"Look," he continued. "I don't want a fight, and I don't want you to call your lackeys in… although I know you already did." He paused and heaved an overly dramatic sigh. "I just want to know what you were doing with Raven. That's it."

"Why? So you can punish her?"

Red X looked honestly hurt for a moment, and Robin saw the shadows of his eyes narrow behind his sunglasses. "I'm not her father or her keeper, I have no _right_ to punish her, and she doesn't deserve it. I just happen to know she's going through a bit of a change right now and I want to know why she chose _you_ of all people to run to."

Robin couldn't quite wrap his head around what Red X was _actually _saying, and his response came out unfiltered. "Are you… _jealous_?"

He snorted. "Hardly."

"Then why do you care?" Robin's lips curled up into a sneer. "I thought she was just an expendable pawn to you."

Red X raised an eyebrow and snorted incredulously. "And she's not to you? She's just another bad guy, isn't she? Just another person for you to take down and bring to justice. After all, I know how _particular_ about serving justice."

"No, she's not." Robin's sneer morphed into a snarl and he growled under his breath. "I'm helping her because it's the right thing to do, because I care about her, and because she deserves it. She doesn't deserve to be put up as bait for Slade Wilson, she doesn't deserve what's happening to her, and she certainly doesn't deserve the hell and psychological trauma _you_ put her through. So you want to know what I want with her, X? I want her to be safe and happy, unlike some bastards I know with only personal gain on their minds."

"Oh?" Red X stood up and stabbed the knife he was holding into the tabletop, his expression changing with the movement. Silence rippled through the restaurant as nearly fifty eyes turned to look at them with shocked stares, but Red X seemed oblivious to the audience and continued talking to Robin as if no one was watching. "I guess you have me _and_ our relationship figured all out then. Why am I even bothering to figure _you_ out?"

Robin lips pursed. "You don't care about-"

"I do." He cut him off and started for the door, babbling loudly as if he was on the cusp of crying. "But I guess I just won't ever live up to your standards, will I? I'm just not good enough for you?"

"What?"

"Whatever! I just can't take this anymore!" In a dramatic show for the audience, he wiped fake tears from his cheeks and rushed away, running out of the restaurant as the sound of the rest of the Titans came rushing up the street. He stood up and moved to chase after him, but a hand wrapped around his bicep. He stopped in his tracks and looked around to face the waiter, who was shaking his head.

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend… but maybe you should give him some time."

As Robin looked around the room, he suddenly realizing that Red X was talking _just so_, so that it seemed like they were two lovers fighting. A blush curled up his neck as those fifty eyes darted between him and the door his "boyfriend" had exited through. Robin heaved a sigh and shook the hand off his arm.

"That bastard."

)O(

_I know that this mini-chapter isn't quite what you wanted, but I wanted to give you a taste of Red X getting more involved in what is happening to Raven. I hope I portrayed that… maybe? I don't know._

_Anyway, thanks for reading, let me know what you think!  
You're awesome!_


	13. Chapter Twelve

**What I Want  
**Chapter Twelve

)O(

The late afternoon sun beat down on her back as Raven walked down the sidewalk, a mixture of frustration and darkness swirling around in her heart. The neighborhood around her was a little more upscale than she was used to, and people stared blankly at her as her violet hair and pale skin caught the slanted rays of the sun. Hushed whispered followed her steps, and Raven felt as though she were under a microscope, everyone staring at her like a freak of nature had just walked by. Instinctively she went to pull her hood up over her head, and remembered that she was without her security blanket. Holding her head high, she continued to move down the sidewalk, her lips pressed into a thin line.

_"Look at her… she's so weird."_

_ "Who is she? What's she doing here?"_

_ "Wasn't she one of the freaks that helped out the Titans the other day?"_

_ "Just what we need. _Another_ weirdo 'protecting' our city."_

_ "They're not welcome here. Don't they know they do more harm than good?"_

Eventually, the whispers became too much and too heavy, and she ducked into a small, nearly deserted bookstore to try and collect herself. The tiny slip of a shopkeeper looked at her with a wan smile and turned back to her cooking magazine. Raven rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand and stared out the front window, watching the happy little couples stroll by, now ignoring the stain on their perfect life.

Not for the first time that day, she wondered what in the world she was _doing_ with herself. She should have known better than to just drop everything and cling to the first sentinel who promised to help her. She was putting her trust in Robin, a _Titan_, someone she barely knew, and ignoring the obvious help that could have come from her partner. Conflicted emotions bubbled up into her chest. She knew the truth, that Jason wasn't ever going to be as prepared as the Titans were. Hell, he barely knew how to run a mission without her help and expertise. What good would he be in a fight against her demonic father and the end of the world?

"Well… imagine the coincidence."

Raven's blood chilled down to her bone and she turned and looked up into the gaunt, almost skeleton-like face of Brother Blood. He stood straight and tall as he tapped his fingers on a worn paperback book in his hands, dark eyes staring down at her. Raven took a half step back, her heels coming into contact with a wobbly, old display case behind her. She swallowed hard and tried to pull herself up to her full height. Brother Blood seemed unimpressed.

"I must say, Miss Raven, I never imagined finding you again would have been so easy. After all, you gave us quite the slip during the party." He hooked the book under her chin, and Raven saw the title of _Paradise Lost_ peep into her vision as he drew her face up to meet his own. He smiled down at her, his thin lips stretching across the yellowed ivory of his teeth. "You put up quite a nasty fight two nights ago… I believe I have a few scars and bruises to prove it. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that there was a fighting spirit buried in the body of a bastard witch."

"I can give you more if you want."

"Such strong candor for a girl about to die."

Raven pushed his hand out of the way and slid past him, feeling her heart rise up in her throat. She was treading dangerous waters by being alone with him, one wrong move and she would find herself in a situation she couldn't escape. After what she had put herself through the past few days, she was emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained. If he started a fight with her right now, she was sure to lose both to him and the darkness inside herself. Raven moved toward the door, hand outstretched, begging for an escape from the confined shop and into the sanctuary of public space.

"_Fallen Cherub, to be weak is miserable doing_." He smacked her hand away from the door with the back, forcing her to turn around and look up at him. His other hand reached out and tapped her head a few times, as if applauding a dog's good behavior. "You didn't honestly think that I would simply let you leave, not when I've finally gotten my hands on you? You who are set to be the portal to rise our savior, Trigon?"

"He's no savior." Raven voice dropped down an octave and trembled with the force of her anger and fear. Across the shop, a few books upended themselves from their place of the bookshelves. "He will destroy you."

"Is that so, little demon?" His smile was thin and cocky, and Raven wanted nothing more than to wipe it off of his face with her fist.

"I may be just a portal, but you are nothing more than a _pawn_." She pushed herself closer to him, snarling into his face. "Once you have served your purpose, he will forget you ever existed to raise him. He will suck your soul from your body and you will be no more than a smeared bloodstain on the annals of history, forgotten with time. At least I have the foresight to know that much, you pathetic excuse for a cleric."

"You know nothing about your heritage and the greatness of Trigon, _you _pathetic excuse for a child." He growled down at her, his cool veneer breaking with the sharpness of her words. "You are nothing more than a bastard, and you know it. Trigon will use and dispose of you like the trash you are, but I am his cherished priest, and I will be honored at the end. I will find eternal life at his side, basking in the glory of all that is Trigon the terrible."

Raven's eyebrows lifted, challenging him. "Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know."

"Then I pity you and your useless soul."

There was a shadow of doubt in his eyes, and he drew the book back to strike her across the face. Raven screwed her eyes shut and prepared herself for the brunt of the assault, but it never came. She peeked one eye open and saw Jason standing in front of her, his hand wrapped around Brother Blood's wrist as he growled into the face of the older man.

"I didn't think hitting a defenseless woman was part of the work of a man of the cloth."

Brother Blood pulled his hand back and out of Jason's grip. "That is no defenseless woman, she's a bastard of darkness, and she will consume your soul. I am merely teaching her the place she belongs in."

Jason raised an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder at Raven, his eyes roaming her face with an understand expression. "Funny, she looks just like an ordinary woman to me, belonging in any _place _she damn well pleases." He looked back at Brother Blood and frowned. "There's only one bastard of darkness here, and I hardly think it's Raven."

"Do not think I will not kill you to get to her."

Jason laughed. "Actually, I kinda figured you'd say something like that."

"Do not patronize me, boy. I am much stronger than you give an old man credit for."

"And I think you underestimate me and Raven." He pushed forward, his hand moving out to touch Brother Blood's chest with the subtle strength hiding inside him. "I think we're a lot stronger and stalwart than you give either of us credit for. So, maybe you should just back up and let us go without a fight."

"As if I would simply let the keystone to our spell disappear with _you_."

His face twitched slightly, the only indication of his confusion, but he stayed firmly planted in front of Raven. "I don't know what nonsense you're spouting off, but I'm not having any of it."

"I don't see how your entrance into this conversation is any concern of mine. If you will not move, I will make you." Brother Blood pulled back his hand to strike Jason, but he ducked out of the way of the limb, catching his forearm in his hand. His reaction was so quick, Raven almost didn't see the movement until it had already happened.

Jason moved around Brother Blood, pulling his arm with his weight until Brother Blood's joints were locked behind his back. He struggled in the expert bind, but could not free himself, and hissed out curses as Jason's hold tightened painfully. He snarled into Brother Blood's ear and kicked his knees out from under him, forcing him to the floor. He groaned with the impact and turned to glare at Jason from his peripheral vision.

Jason grinned into his face. "What was that about being stronger than we gave an old man credit for?"

"I will not rest until I have her, you pathetic excuse for a human. The end is near and Raven will be nothing more than a gem, a portal to be used and extinguished, and there is nothing you or the rest of the world can do to stop it." Brother Blood spat into Jason's face and he released his grip enough for the older man to escape the hold. He rose to his feet and rushed forward, reaching out to strike Jason again.

Raven reacted before she could really think about what she was doing, and gathered what little bit of power she could find from her broken psyche. She whispered her mantra between clenched teeth, ignoring the deep burning feeling stretching out from her spine between her shoulderblades. It felt like it did this morning, when her powers lost control and she had violently shredded those two human analogs. One lone thought permeated her entire consciousness as she stared ahead at the back of Brother Blood's head:

Was she already so close to the end that her control was slipping?

She couldn't think about that right now, not when she was in the middle of a battle _using_ her powers. A push of black, static energy flew from her fingertips and struck Brother Blood in the back, sending him careening into a bookcase. His face smacked loudly against the hardwood shelves, and Raven could hear the slight crunch of bone under the force of her powers. Maybe she had pushed just _a little_ too hard. Blood poured from a gash in his cheek and his nose as he turned around to stare at her, eyes glassy from shock.

"I will not be a portal for my father, and nothing will change that." She raised her hands again, this time wrapping her magic around the bookcase behind him. "Not you. Not Slade. Not even the fate of the universe itself. I am a person of my own, my mother's daughter, and I will not be your pawn!" With one more tug of her powers, she pulled the bookcase forward, the contents showering down on the stunned form of Brother Blood as he stumbled wearily on his feet. The furniture teetered back and forth for a moment, before finally toppling over on his old form.

Jason managed to roll out of the way before any serious damage was done to him, and he stared up into her face from the floor, a mixture of relief and confusion lining his eyes. Looking around at the mess of the shop, he pulled himself to his feet and shook his head. "I think we better hightail it out of here, before we find ourselves in even more trouble."

The gaping mouth of the shopkeep seemed to be the final nail in the coffin, and Raven grabbed Jason's hand as she darted out the door. The last thing she needed was any more attention to her freakish powers and what they could do.

They raced down the sidewalk, as far away from the sound of screaming sirens as they could get. A few people had started gathering around the sight, and Raven could hear the shopkeep try to call after them, but they just kept running. A little part of Raven felt kind of bad that she had somehow managed to destroy a part of that woman's livelihood, but in the end, did it really matter? She had just been trying to get away from Brother Blood. And Fate, it seemed, was doing nothing but trying to put her in both his and Slade's path.

When they had put sufficient distance between the scene of the crime and themselves, Jason turned to look over at her, slowing his running pace down to a relatively casual walk. A minute of silence ticked between the two of them before Raven broke it. She pushed at her hair and took a turn down a side street, avoiding another passing cop car.

"What?"

"Um, do you want to tell me what _that_ was all about?" He wrapped his hand around her arm and stared down at her, finally allowing his shock to appear on his face. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down his emotions as best as he could. "Look, I just punched a creepy, old guy dressed in priest's robes, and you threw a bookcase on top of him. We've moved past the realm of weird into the seriously-this-is-fucked-up area."

"I know." Raven pulled her hand from his grasp and started down the sidewalk again, refusing to directly answer his question.

"Oh, _good_. As long as you're aware of this." He rolled his eyes and chased after her, keeping his pace steady with her own. "Do you also want to tell my why this whole thing feels like it has something to do with what happened to our last apartment?"

"Because it does, and you know it. Don't play dumb with me, Jason, I don't have have the time or patience to deal with it." She looked up at him and sighed, giving him a deadpanned look as he stared at her. "You've been following me all afternoon. You saw where I was and who I was with."

Jason winced and took a step back from her. "You knew?"

"I saw you outside of the cafe before I went in. At that point I figured you had been looking for me all day." Raven started heading more into the neighborhood she was comfortable with, and she took solace in the familiar buildings and shops surrounding her. It was at least one comfort in the middle of day that had no comforts at all. "I'm not an idiot, Jason. I knew you would come looking for me after I disappeared this morning. I had _hoped_ you wouldn't, but I knew eventually you would find out."

"So, what were you doing with Robin?"

Raven's pace came to a dead-stop, and she turned around to face him. Her eyes searched his face for any kind of teasing, but his expression was blank and serious. How had he known it was Robin? He had been in street clothes, and completely normal-looking. Raven eyed him carefully, as if trying to size him up. "How did you know that was Robin?"

"I know a lot more than I think you give me credit for, Raven." He gave her a strange, strained smile, and pulled his emotions out of her reach before she could investigate any further. "Let's just say Robin and I have met before under… _different _circumstances, and we'll leave it at that for now."

What in the world did _that_ mean? Goddess, he was even more cryptic now than before. _Great_. Raven looked him up and down before shaking her head and returning to her path down the sidewalk. Jason followed her with an annoyed sigh, trotting up beside her. She could feel his patience wearing thin. He wanted answers for everything that had happened today, and she couldn't blame him for that. He had seen a cleric attack her, go out on a not-really-date with Robin, and ran off to Titan Tower at the break of dawn. If she had been in his position, she would have demanded answers too.

"Look, if you don't want to talk about Robin, that's fine. I get it… he's a hero and whatever. But, are you at least going to try and help explain what the _fuck_ was going on with you and Cleric of the Damned back there?" He pointed to the empty space behind them. "He kept blabbering on about you being a portal and… _seriously_, Raven. What the _fuck_ is going on in your life right now?"

Raven sighed in defeat and looked over at him, exhaustion running deep into her limbs. She was too tired to fight him anymore. What was the point anyway? It was already the dawn of the apocalypse, and he was going to find out whatever he wanted to know anyway. She should at least have the decency to tell him first. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

Jason jerked in surprise, as if he hadn't been expecting that answer. "Seriously?"

Raven turned and looked at him. "'Seriously' what?"

"Um… sorry, it's just kind of surprising to see you actually open up to me." He continued to stare at her as if she had grown an extra head. "I mean, you've never exactly been willing to share, so why now? What's changed?"

"Because I'm going to die, so it doesn't exactly matter."

"What?" His face paled and he stopped in his tracks. He didn't have a chance to reign in his emotions, and Raven could feel his fear start to consume his heart as he watched her move forward. "Raven… what is going on? What is happening to you? This is a lot to handle, and you're not telling me anything that makes any kind of sense. Once again, you're all secrets and darkness and death, and I'm still stuck trying to figure you out like a Rubik's cube."

"Why do you care so much?"

He blinked, shock still lining his expression. "I thought that was obvious."

Raven eyed his face for a long minute, trying to decipher his words, but coming up with nothing that made sense. She pushed at her hair and turned down another side street, wandering as far away as she could from the rest of the world. Jason followed her in confused, but respectful silence, waiting to see precisely _what_ she said or elaborated on for her imminent demise. Raven found a small, corner park and plopped down on a bench, motioning to the empty space next to her. He sat down and looked forward, listening to the silence and watching the people pass before them. A long stretch of time passed between them, and Raven finally spoke.

"Remember how I said I was half-demon?"

Jason jerked slightly, as if surprised by the sudden sound of her husky voice, and looked over at her. "Yeah…?"

"Well, the truth is a little more complicated than that." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gathering courage to admit her darkest secret to him. If she told him the truth, would things remain the same between them? Would he look at her the same way that Robin did? Like she was a creature and not a person, forgetting about the humanity inside her? It didn't do her any good to speculate; she had to admit the truth to him.

"The truth is that I'm actually the keystone piece in a spell to bring Trigon the demon from his prison in another dimension to this plane of existence."

His mouth fell open. "What."

"You heard Brother Blood blabbering on about the portal?" He nodded slowly, still trying to wrap his head around her words. "Well, I am the portal. I am Trigon's demon seed and nothing more than an expendable piece in his game to conquer this dimension. His energy will consume my own, and through this he will enter this plane of existence. When that happens it will be the end of life and free will as we know it." She gave a sarcastic smile. "So, now you are in on the loop. Aren't you happy?"

"Raven…"

She held up her hand, effectively stopping him from continuing. She could hear that tone in his voice, and it hurt her to know that was his immediate response. "I don't want your pity, Jason. I didn't ask for it, and I don't need it. You wanted to know the truth and I gave it to you." Her smile turned thin and weary. "And don't think that I'm going to take this lying down. If there's anything you've learned about me, it's that I'm a fighter. I won't stop until I've exhausted every possible way to stop this."

"I'm glad to know at least that part of you hasn't changed." Jason's voice and expression was still unreadable, and he continued to watch her through his dark eyes. A few more minutes ticked by before he spoke again. "So, what were you doing with Robin then?"

Raven shrugged, not feeling any animosity in the question, but genuine curiosity. "I've asked the Titans to help me try to stop it from happening."

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh."

Raven misread his expression and waved him off. "Don't worry, no one knows I'm working with them yet, so your reputation is still in tact."

"To hell with my reputation, Raven. That is the least of my worries in all of this." His tone was harsh against her ears, and the sound forced her to look into his eyes. His lips twitched in annoyance and he stared down at her. "Why didn't you tell me this before? Why didn't you come to me after you were attacked? Why did you go to the Titans? Of all people… the _Titans_."

"Well, because they're a group of aliens and mutants who happen to have the powers and resources available to help me actually fight my father." She at least had the decency to look somewhat sheepish, even if she was a bit upset at his underlying accusation. "It wasn't as if I was deliberately going out of my way to try and stop you from finding out or helping me. I just…" She sighed and looked away. "I wasn't sure if you would be able to help, or even if you cared, Jason. I am _just_ your partner, and you haven't shown all that much interest in my life before."

"You're my _friend_, Raven. Not just my partner." His head tilted over the back of the bench and he groaned. "Look, I'm not really good at finding and keeping partners, cohorts, or friends. In fact, I'm downright _terrible_ at it, and you know it. But, you're… different, and you're not just some person I call on when shit gets rough and I need help, you're someone I care about. So, _yeah_, it upsets me that you kept this from me, but I refuse to let you think I don't care or don't want to help."

Raven raised an eyebrow, a little suspicious of him, but also strangely comforted by the idea of his friendship. Robin and his team had strength and purpose, but in Jason she had a past, and sometimes that was more valuable. "You don't even know what's going on with me."

"No, I don't. I don't have the slightest, fucking idea what is going on with you. But, that doesn't mean that I don't want to help, or at least try to be aware of you." There was a long pause and he sighed again, this time in defeat. "Raven, I don't want to pester you, or make you to feel like I'm not listening to what you're saying. If you think that working with the Titans is your only hope at succeeding in this, then keep working with them. Hell, move into the tower if you think it'll help. I trust that you know what you're doing… just don't keep me out of the loop anymore. If there's something going on, I want to know about it. I care about _you_."

"Even if what I tell you could kill you?"

He laid his hand over hers. "Especially if it could kill me." He grinned. "I like the challenge."

Raven felt something strange and warm flutter through her body, and she shook her head, laughing low in her throat. "You're such an idiot. Trusting the demon with your life."

"I like to live dangerously."

A shadow fell over their bodies, forcing both of them to look up at the unwelcome guest who had intruded in on their conversation. A single, bright eye stared down at them, paired with the violent slash of a maniacal smile.

"Well, well… I never thought Sebastian's tip might _actually _be right."

)O(

_Holy shite, I updated this twice in one month. It's like a record or something.  
Anyway, after the last chapter I realized the action was severely lacking again and I needed to up the ante. I hope I didn't disappoint. _

_Also, side note, I felt like plugging a few stories that I've recently read but they haven't gotten a whole lot of following (for which I'm shocked), and one of them sort of inspired me to keep working on this. So, my recommendation is that you check out _**Delusions**_, by ShadowEidolon, and _**Dark History and Shadowy Love**_, by Bane of All the World. They are both filled with Robin/Raven goodness and utterly delightful to read. Go… seriously, read them and review. _

_But, review my story first. I needs dis. _


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